Faith, Hope And Love.

When I left the world of writing a few weeks back, it was to return to my life, in order to get accustomed to the new direction in which it was heading.

Since then, new events took place in it, reverting it on course once again. Thus I returned to the familiar old tracks, regressing onto the journey which defined my reality a few months ago, before my life took a drastic turn.
I am back, but I am not the same, nor will I ever be.

I have experienced a loss.
I lost someone I loved, that kind of love that transcends everything and leaves us breathless and makes time stand still.
It was a devastating loss, unlike any I recall, one that left a deep wound in my heart and which in its turn lead to an even greater loss all together. It lead to a demise that I was unprepared for, even though I always deep within knew it could occur. Or rather, I was unprepared for the immense sadness and devastation that surfaced within me, upon loosing something that was mine for such a very short time. And I was truly unprepared for all the other losses that followed in its wake.
The loss of self esteem, loss of self worth and a loss of happiness. I came very close to lose my faith, my belief in love and the worst loss of them all - I almost lost my hope.

I ended up contemplating life and death itself, while I struggled with the emptiness within me and the unfairness of my fate, the self doubt in my abilities and the endless dark abyss staring back at me late at night, when I felt so alone and abandoned, while my thoughts were running wild.

Nevertheless, I made it through this ordeal  - as time in my eyes is too precious to waste away living in sorrow, even though the pain will linger around for a while. With the incredible help and support of a few great people that care about me deeply and due to my strong passion and appetite for life and my conviction that all happens for a reason, I found the old tracks again.

Despite everything, looking back, I have absolutely no regrets. I would not change a thing. I accept all that occurred and all that I went trough, as those are the cards I was dealt and I kept on playing.
When my pain subsided and my tears vanished to clear my view, I realized that all that mattered was that I walked away alive from this moment in time. Something within me did die, but in turn - something else was awakened and reshaped me as a human being.
For the better.

Our interactions, our actions and our decisions have at all times consequences. When we truly live and love passionately and without apprehension, we get a privilege to experience exhilarating happiness, yet risk to simultaneously encounter a deep, devastating pain as well.
Still, I rather have both, then protect myself from experiencing either.

Faith, Hope And Love - when everything else is gone, as long as we continue to carry these within, we have more than enough. Despite my ordeals, ultimately I am thankful that I never lost the most important thing of them all - I never lost myself.

 

(Images: Photobucket )