May 02, 2011

Faith, Hope And Love.

When I left the world of writing a few weeks back, it was to return to my life, in order to get accustomed to the new direction in which it was heading.

Since then, new events took place in it, reverting it on course once again. Thus I returned to the familiar old tracks, regressing onto the journey which defined my reality a few months ago, before my life took a drastic turn.
I am back, but I am not the same, nor will I ever be.

I have experienced a loss.
I lost someone I loved, that kind of love that transcends everything and leaves us breathless and makes time stand still.
It was a devastating loss, unlike any I recall, one that left a deep wound in my heart and which in its turn lead to an even greater loss all together. It lead to a demise that I was unprepared for, even though I always deep within knew it could occur. Or rather, I was unprepared for the immense sadness and devastation that surfaced within me, upon loosing something that was mine for such a very short time. And I was truly unprepared for all the other losses that followed in its wake.
The loss of self esteem, loss of self worth and a loss of happiness. I came very close to lose my faith, my belief in love and the worst loss of them all - I almost lost my hope.

I ended up contemplating life and death itself, while I struggled with the emptiness within me and the unfairness of my fate, the self doubt in my abilities and the endless dark abyss staring back at me late at night, when I felt so alone and abandoned, while my thoughts were running wild.

Nevertheless, I made it through this ordeal  - as time in my eyes is too precious to waste away living in sorrow, even though the pain will linger around for a while. With the incredible help and support of a few great people that care about me deeply and due to my strong passion and appetite for life and my conviction that all happens for a reason, I found the old tracks again.

Despite everything, looking back, I have absolutely no regrets. I would not change a thing. I accept all that occurred and all that I went trough, as those are the cards I was dealt and I kept on playing.
When my pain subsided and my tears vanished to clear my view, I realized that all that mattered was that I walked away alive from this moment in time. Something within me did die, but in turn - something else was awakened and reshaped me as a human being.
For the better.

Our interactions, our actions and our decisions have at all times consequences. When we truly live and love passionately and without apprehension, we get a privilege to experience exhilarating happiness, yet risk to simultaneously encounter a deep, devastating pain as well.
Still, I rather have both, then protect myself from experiencing either.

Faith, Hope And Love - when everything else is gone, as long as we continue to carry these within, we have more than enough. Despite my ordeals, ultimately I am thankful that I never lost the most important thing of them all - I never lost myself.

(Images: Photobucket )

55 comments :

Elizabeth said...

You are a fantastic person and I'm glad to be your friend.

Enjoy the sunshine and the icy winds today that blow over our Denmark.

Susan Deborah said...

Faith, love and hope are our best friends, anytime and any day. I echo Elizabeth's thoughts here. You are a fantastic person and life will help you through the passage. Glad to see your post, dearest Zuzana.

Warm hugs and much love across ether :)

Joy always,
Susan

Alberto Hugo Rojas said...

Faith, Hope And Love. are the three things that move the world. if you have one side atu aperson who understands you and support you. life is easy.
lots of kisses and love.

Rajesh said...

These three things keep us going.

Good to see you back. Welcome my friend.

Brian Miller said...

((zuzana))

welcome back...sorry you had to travel that road but glad it led you back to here. sounds like you came away with just what you need in tact.

Kath said...

You are one of the strongest women I have met and the more I get to know you, the more I admire you. SO happy to have you back XX

Colleen said...

Beautiful Zuzana, I am so deeply sorry for the loss you experienced. It sounds as though you underwent an immense personal struggle with grief and sorrow. I can only admire you for the strength your words show and the sheer determination to live, to just be alive in your present moment. To experience your pain and your loss and yet not to allow it to break you. These words you've written today are powerful. I had to read your post a couple times to really get a grasp on them. They are a strong testimony.

You are in my thoughts and prayers today my friend. Welcome back.

tony said...

Tear the binding from around the foot
of your soul, and let it race around the track
in front of the crowd. . . .

Rumi

Mimi said...

So glad to see you back, Zuzana.
I have missed you here in blogland.
I'm commenting having only skimmed your post, will come back to read properly later, just wanted to promptly say I'm thrilled you're back here. yay!

LadyCat said...

Zuzana, it takes a wise and strong woman to be able to move forward and still keep hope alive. You offer so much faith, hope & love here on your blog and I am happy to see you back : )

Ann Nichols said...

I actually woke up during the night thinking about you! I was so happy to see that you were back just now but then, so sad to read that you have gone through a very trying time. (I thought you had just taken a simple break...) I am so sorry for your loss... But you are an inspiration to us all even in this difficult time... Thank you.
Many many blessings for happiness to soon move into your heart to help push the sorrow to a back corner.
Ann

julochka said...

on zuzana - it sounds like you've been to hell and back. but it also sounds like your head is clear and that you are using the experience to strengthen you. it really is true that only through the bad times can we come to fully appreciate the good ones.

sending hugs your way (on the rather frigid winds).

faith, hope, love. never let go of those.

xox,
/julie

GrandmaK said...

Profoundly touching. Yesterday, I searched for you for I had missed your visits. I'm sorry for your loss but so glad for your return. You are one who always offers hope and this post is nothing short of inspiring! May God bless you abundantly!!! Cathy

Doreen said...

glad you are back. I knew you would be ok. and just so you know, you are not alone. :-)

Keats The Sunshine Girl said...

Popping in after an absence. Glad there's faith, hope and love in our lives. God bless.

Lynne said...

Hi Zuzana, It's good to have you back with us. I'm sorry for your loss and your sadness. But what I always see in you is tremendous strength which shines through. It is good to keep faith, hope and love close to us.
Lots of warm wishes to you. xxxx

Sandi McBride said...

Life is anything but constant, Zuzana and sometimes the tritest statement is the truest...this to shall pass...
you'll come through this stronger than ever you thought you could.
hugs
Sandi

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

What a journey Zuzana...and the wisdom you derived from it is awe inspiring sweet friend. I particularly love these words:

Our interactions, our actions and our decisions have at all times consequences. When we truly live and love passionately and without apprehension, we get a privilege to experience exhilarating happiness, yet risk to simultaneously encounter a deep, devastating pain as well.
Still, I rather have both, then protect myself from experiencing either.

Welcome back. You were missed.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

So happy that you felt well enough again, to post. And so happy that none of this, caused you to lose yourself.

Please take as much time to fully heal, as needed. Rome wasn't built in a day, and all that...

Many, many gentle hugs to you!

"Today, Justice"

Julie Hibbard said...

I have missed you. I have prayed for you. I am so happy to see you back. I believe I can empathize with a pain so deep you hope you don't wake up. A hurt so crucial, you can't believe how much your entire body actually aches from it.
Amazingly, we heal. Oh, it takes a while for sure. But you come out knowing that you are, indeed, gonna be ok.
I am sending you LIGHT and LOVE today.
You know there will come a time when you think everything is finished.
Yep...it's just the beginning.

Claus said...

You know about my luck in the heart department, so you might gather that I have never been through that experience where one is left reduced to ashes. That lack of luck, however, has taught me to love me, and see the world in a completely different perspective, hence I cannot imagine - and it's quite difficult for me to understand - what it would be like to lose what has become to be an important piece. Have you heard that saying "better to have loved once, than never"? Well, my life is heading to the "never" part of it, which I'm completely fine with, but I too believe that experiencing love the way you did is fantastic. It's hurting now, but it made you happy also when it was happening, and, eventually, you will realize that it contributed to make you and even greater person.
Never give up on love Zuzana!, but most importantly, never give up on you! I'm really glad to have you around again.
hugs
Claudia

Bossy Betty said...

So glad to have you back, my friend. You have the strength within you to make it through this time and beyond. Your reflections, as always, made me smile and think.

Sending you hugs.

Dan said...

Thank you for the May wishes.
I'm, glad to have you back Zuzana! I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through such a difficult time. Sometimes our world is rocked so fundamentally that we can't imagine how we will ever find a new equilibrium. It sounds as though you are managing to find a way through to brighter times once again.
Every good wish to you my friend.
Dan
-x-

Zuzu said...

Sending hugs your way, my friend.
~ Zuzu

ladyfi said...

Dear Friend,

So very sorry to hear about your loss and your tears. And yet I see you rising like a beautiful brave phoenix!

MelRoXx said...

Touching post, Zuzana. Honestly speaking I really didn't know that you were planning to take a break from blogging. But now I think, its just as well. I love you, and reading your blog... You are a wonderful person. One of the best people I met in the Blogosphere (or blogland or whatever-you-call-it) and you are always in my thoughts...

x

Ms.Chief loves wigwams! said...

Lovely to share your flowing expression again. May you be nourished by all qualities awakened, by all qualities strengthened & by all qualities deepened - to know thine self & be true is a most worth celebration. May you enjoy many celebrations & much happiness. Abundant Blessings Dear Heart & Beautiful Soul xXx Welcome back although you were never far from my thoughts & prayers.

A Lady's Life said...

So very sorry about your loss and very glad you reverted to faith hope and love.
We all have a journey to partake in. We all have a job to do and yours isn't done yet.
Only God knows and calls us to come home when it finally is done.In the meantime we need to fill ourselves with the holy spirit so joy returns because we carry our loved ones in our hearts. We learn to smile again because they are never lost, never gone and we are never alone.
Bless you Zuzana!!!

Margie said...

Hello Beautiful and kind lady ....
So glad you are back and oh, such a heartfelt post!
That loss of someone you loved very much will always be a part of you but you will go on and love will come again.
You are so strong and inspiring!
Thanks for sharing your heart, dear heart!

Keep the faith, keep the hope and keep the love, they will see you through life and make life beautiful!

Beautiful post!

Margie xoxo

Snappy Di said...

Is that a new 'About Me' photo of you? Very nice.

Sorry you went through a rough and sad time. Life is full of highs and lows and learning... we are always learning.

Di

Deborah Jean at Dandelion House said...

Welcome back Zuzana,
I'm so sorry for your loss and dark times. It seems they are a part of life for everyone in one way or another at different times... Faith, Hope and Love are something we can always count on even when we don't feel their presence.Take comfort in knowing that just because you cannot feel them working in your life doesn't mean they do not exist. We just need to be strong enough to make it through to believe again which you are working towards... Good work!
Take special care,
Deb

Angela Bell said...

I am so sorry you have had such a sad time,I thought you were just taking a break.You are a lovely inspiring woman and you will come through but it is really hard I know.You have many admirers in BlogLand and elsewhere so gather strength fom our support.Just keep seeing the beauty! Lol Angela

sprinkles said...

I was so excited to see you back because I've really missed you!!! I imagined you were having a wonderful time away, not a breakup.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I completely empathize as I had a boyfriend that I truly thought was "THE ONE!" Only he didn't see me the same way and I had a difficult time accepting that.

I've stayed in touch with him over the years though and have realized that #1 We are too different and that I wouldn't be happy with him and #2 I felt like I was trying to mold myself into what he wanted but it never seemed to be good enough for him. I'm glad we aren't together but I'm also glad we've stayed in touch because I would've always have wondered...

I wish you LOTS of faith, hope, love and peace.

Welcome back!

Birdie said...

I am grateful for your post as right now I am blogging my own grief. My mom is dying before my eyes and the pain in unbearable at times. Yesterday, after seeing her I spent the day in bed. She is going to be moved to the Palliative ward in the next day or two. I can't imagine a world that dies not have my mom in it. I don't want to imagine it.

I am glad you have come to a place of peace. Thanks for your post.

Namaste

adrielleroyale said...

Oh Zuzanna, I am so sorry for your loss.. the hurt and frustration can be so overwhelming! But I thank God for your perseverance and zeal for life itself and that you were able to come out of the wariness of sorrow and into the light of faith, hope and love. You are a treasure that only a true gem would recognize and cherish. I pray that one day when you are ready, that person will come along and hold you in his arms forever. Until then, keep your chin up and take in the sun and beauty around you. Blessings and sending you lots of Hugs!! <3

Hilary said...

I have to wonder if before all this, you had any idea just how strong you are. I don't think you did. But you certainly know that now, and if something good had to come from your losses, understanding your strength and ability is no small feat.

I'll reply to that email very soon. Big hugs to you, my dear friend.

SandyCarlson said...

I am sorry about your loss. You are a strong lady. The wind will blow, but you will stand.

Amanda said...

dear zuzana,

i am so sorry to read of your loss. it sounds like you've been through a gut-wrenching emotional period and have come out the other side reborn. blessing to you, my friend, that your strength grows every day along with equal amounts of flexibility. a zen saying comes to mind: barn's burned down, now i see the moon.

with love and warmest hugs,

amanda

xoxo

Sumandebray said...

Hi Zuzana,
I am glad to see you back.
Losses and gains are designed to accentuate the fabric of our life and make our journey called life interesting.Its easier said than done but I am so happy to see you back in action.
take care

Donna said...

Welcome back, Zuzana. I'm so sorry you had to experience such an ordeal. Happy to hear you are doing well. Take care, sweet one.

Hugs,
Donna

sprinkles said...

After your sweet comments on my blog, I had to come over and see what wise words I had supposedly left for you.

After reading your post again, I realized maybe you experienced a different kind of loss than what I initially thought - not necessarily a breakup but possibly a death. I hope it wasn't a death.

Hope you're having a wonderful day today, my dearest Zuzana!

Holly said...

Zuzana, I am at a loss for words because words are never enough in times like this when emotion overpowers them 100 percent.I am soo very sorry that you have experienced such loss and heartbrake!! This kind of emotion is so all consuming, and you are such an amazing and strong person to fight the fight that you are to get through this. You will probably be fighting it for a very long time. I am grateful for your strength and that you are back with us! I love you and am here for you, and I know many others feel the same. Hang on and continue having hope, faith, and love.
I am sending you warm hugs, Holly

Snowbrush said...

I'm glad to find you sounding upbeat despite it all. As for faith, hope, and love, I don't know what hope means, other than a persistent belief that things will get better despite the lack of any evidence to suggest that they will. By contrast, faith IS founded on evidence.

Myrna R. said...

Our greatest life lesson is contained in grief because all of life is about letting go. Zusana, I'm glad your spirit is so strong to withstand this loss. You are still you and that's what matters. My heart is with you and I'm so glad you're back.

Darla said...

My heart goes out to you along with a (((BIGHUG))) for your loss. Thank you for the courage to share the pain, and blessings for not losing yourself. "When my pain subsided and my tears vanished to clear my view, I realized that all that mattered was that I walked away alive from this moment in time." Beautiful.

LauraX said...

sweet beautiful Zuzana...I am so sorry for your deep, deep suffering and so completely grateful for your safe return from this dark journey. May you be blessed with lovingkindness. May you be blessed with compassion. May you be blessed with joy. May you be blessed with peace.

Blog Princess G said...

Dear Zuzana, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this loss. Know that all who love you are thinking of you. I felt such anger when I first realized what you were going through - anger that this is part of life and it's so unfair. You are not alone, my friend.

xoxoxoxoxo

(Scribe816) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Witherspoon said...

Sorry about your loss. Beautiful words of wisdom as always, though. I'm glad you're back :)

Susan Deborah said...

(Zuzana, this is from Myriam. She accidentally posted it in my place.)

I am so glad you are writing again.
I am sorry loss was the reason why you left. Loss is such a lonely feeling.
Intensely loving and the risk of getting hurt are so inextricably together, it takes bravery to love.
Zuzana,is there anything that can take the pain away? if there is, let me know because other than time I never found a short cut to it.

Gal Friday said...

I am glad that you finally came to the conclusion that you have no regrets--as painful as that process was--life is such a roller-coaster and one never knows what highs and lows we'll encounter with each day.
I am sorry you have had such a difficult time in your life so far this year(and missed your blog, but understand completely why youhad to stay away for a while) and admire your spirit and thoughtful approach to healing yourself.
May the spring sunshine warm your soul and may good things come your way--you deserve it!

~ xoxo Tina

Zuzana said...

Elizabeth, Susan, Alebrto, Rajesh, Brian, Kath, Colleen, tony, Mimi, LadyCat, Ann, Julie, Cathy, Doreen, Keats, Lynne, Sandi, Jill, Amelia, Julie, Claudia, Betty, Dan, Zuzu, ladyfi, Mel, P, Lady, Margie, Di, Deborah, Angela, sprinkles, Birdie, adrielle, Hilary, Sandy, Amanda, Sumandebray, Holly, Snowbrush, Myrna, Darla, Laura, BPG, Mr. Witerspoon, Myriam and Tina –
thank you all so much for welcoming me back with such a fervent joy and with so much empathy. Your encouraging words of comfort mean the world to me and I am forever thankful to have you all in my life, even though I never met any of you.

I firmly believe that the quality of our lives is not determined by our success, but by the way in which we can rise after each failure.
I find incredible strength in the knowledge that life gives as much as it takes. It consist of a perfect balance of negative and positive occurrences and if we only are sensitive enough to realize this, all that we encounter becomes infinitely perpetual in our perception.

Thank you so much for your visits and for not forgetting about me, but rather offering me an unforgettable welcome, which warmed my heart like thousand suns...

Xoxo
Zuzana

Betsy said...

Big hugs to you sweet friend! I've been worried about you. So glad to see you back! Best wishes as you continue to heal and move forward! xo

Kat_RN said...

I Am so very glad to once again add your voice to my thoughts and my life. I was away and missed these first few posts. Welcome back my friend.
Kat

Zuzana said...

Betsy and Kat, thank you dear ladies for your substantial words and for taking your time to read a more contemplative post.
I am so glad to be back among my friends.;)
xoxo