May 09, 2011

Phoenix Rising.

My adulthood has always been an endless cycle of ups and downs. As high as I fly, as deeply do I fall and I seem never to be able to enjoy a smooth, event-less flight. In no uncertain terms - I am the one who make my journeys progress this way and even though I at times long for something stable, everlasting and substantial, I am not quite sure whether I would find satisfaction in the calm waters I encounter while I sail the oceans of my life.

However, I often wonder if this might be due to one simple reason; I am yet to find a harbour that I would like to anchor in for extended period of time. I am still looking for that place of magic, of which existence I am certain, yet which my restless heart has not located. Therefore I find myself embarking on new adventures times and times again. I get lost in raging storms at sea constantly - still - as soon I find my bearings, my mind is already looking for that endless horizon, setting my sails to the wind.

Thus bouncing back and moving on has become something I am at this point highly proficient at – whether it is due to practice or just a simple resilience and a passion for life that I harbour within.

My personality thankfully makes these transitions somewhat smooth and almost effortless. Just like a true cancerian, when threatened and in danger, I withdraw into my shell, devoid of interference from others – but for what feels to many only an instant. Quickly emerging seemingly unharmed I posses the talent to rapidly move on. I do not linger too long with yesterday and I do not shut myself away from the world, sitting in darkness licking my wounds for months, questioning the cruelty of fate and life’s unfairness.
No, not me. Like the majestic phoenix, I rise from the ashes instantly and powerfully, as that is the only way I know how to recover.

Perhaps I bounce back so easily, as I never shun away from anything while I am in the process of living through my ordeals. I deal with every situation as it unfolds, right then and there. I follow my heart and my instincts and I always put myself in the line of the fire. I let myself be swept completely by my emotions, giving into them with a fiery passion, never holding back. I risk everything and I give my all, walking away from every battle - even the ones I lose - with a sense of victory.

Looking back at my past, I hold no regrets. It is my personal belief that the ultimate magic of living lies not in the success stories, but in the experiences born from events that went terribly wrong.
I am endlessly inspired by others, who just like me had to endure failures, over and over again, yet never lost their optimism, kindness nor integrity. Those who never became cynical or disillusioned and who despite their experiences refuse to live with caution and in fear.

As I move on for the millionth time, the pain of my recent losses is slowly turning into a plethora of bittersweet memories. No longer willing to offer my time or the energy of my thoughts to people that do not deserve them, I step out of my past, refusing to waste even a single moment of the magic that is my present.

Ultimately, I am ready to once again lay my gaze upon the endless horizon that is my future, as I set my sails anew, embarking on a pristine journey. At the present, I watch the brilliance of a fresh and enticing adventure, as it unfolds slowly in my view, beckoning me to give into it's allure with all my being.
And thus I set out, forever hopeful and eager to find that enchanted harbour of my dreams...

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching."

(Images: Photobucket)


tony said...

You Embrace Energy.That Is A Good Thing! X

Unknown said...

What a beautifully written post that I feel expresses the need for us to find gravity, amid life's intense encounters and gentler experiences too. xoxo! : )

julochka said...

beautifully put. and i can so relate...i too bounce back quickly from adversity and i too am searching for what's next.

there was a recent episode of boston legal which centered around a fight between divorced parents to give a drug to their daughter, who had been raped by her rabbi, to make her forget the ordeal. the father, a psychologist, wanted to give it to her, so she wouldn't suffer from the ordeal. her mother didn't want her to have it, because she thought that it is the experiences of our lives that shape us - the good and the bad ones. i'm not sure if the drug was fiction or fact, but it worries me if such things become available, because our pain shapes us just as much as our joy. i think it's evident in these posts from you, that we find our most profound depths in our lows and appreciate our highs all the more because of those lows.

i think you're doing a great job of sharing what you experienced without betraying what you experienced. very good writing that makes for very good reading.


Lynne said...

A tremendous and poetic post. I admire your spirit and bravery.
Happy Monday!

Bhushavali said...

Life is the best teacher, isn't it???
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S. Susan Deborah said...

What a lovely way to live life, dear Zuzana. If we were to be bogged down and weighed with regrets, failures and disappointemenst, we seldom relish life. You are truly an inspiration, dear Zuzana.

An emotional adventurer as you will sail by, no matter what.

Cheers to that formidable spirit of yours.

Joy always,

Elisabeth said...

Perhaps a safe harbour would be too still for you Zuzana. By the sound of things you thrive on change and movement, like a nomad with stillness in her heart.

This is a beautiful post. Thanks Zuzana.

Kath said...

You are the embodiment of the phoenix, beautiful, flashing, dancing and flying, rising up to greater things. Enjoy! xx

Elizabeth said...

Yes, you are my bouncing back Zuzana, a true Phoenix and I'm glad that you are such a special friend.

See you soon.

Darla said...

"I never shun away from anything while I am in the process of living through my ordeals. I deal with every situation as it unfolds, right then and there." You are a beautiful, wondrous woman! I feel blessed to have 'met' you in spirit in cyberspace...

Jill from Killeny Glen said... have been so introspective! WISE words....what hit me deepest is:

"the ultimate magic of living lies not in the success stories, but in the experiences born from events that went terribly wrong."

Dan said...

Oh Zuzana, what an amazing attitude to adversity you have. This is a beautifully written post on your feelings. I do hope that you will find that magical place (whether physical or mental)where you can drop anchor and call home.

Hilary said...

I'm so glad for you that you can keep moving on and enjoying life anew. This was beautifully written. Hugs to you, my friend.

Bossy Betty said...

I so admire your ability to adapt and grow.

Claus said...

How fortunate for you to quickly {in a way} to rise up and move forward. Not as easy for me, and surely not for a lot of people.
You know, I have learned to live my moment, and not to care about the future and where I should to go find happiness and tranquility; a peace of mind and soul that would make stay there forever. I believe I am in that place now; have always been! and while I didn't noticed it before, I am aware of it now. I lack a lot of things, Zuzana, that other possess and that might be considered a given for each individual. Yet, I have learned to appreciate what I do have {which others seem to lack, strangely enough} and be happy with that. I hope that you can find what you are looking for, and find that which you hope. Stay strong! be hopeful!


Myrna R. said...

This is a lovely post Zusana. I like your style of healing. It's quick and you're on to the next adventure. I suppose there's never a real stability in life. That would be too boring. Perhaps all of life is an adventure and if things are too stable, then we're not really living.

Alberto Hugo Rojas said...

thanks for your letters.
for your thoughts,
for your images.
kisses nice day and best week

Brian Miller said...

you have such a rich view of is truly found it the experiences both good and bad...and your ability to roll through each is a great example as many run from pole to pole to clench for dear life...very nicely said my friend...

Margie said...

Hi Zuzana
Such a beautifully written post!
You are such a brave spirit and have such a gentle heart!
Loved this post!
Thanks for sharing, Zuzana.

Margie xoxo

Anonymous said...

Your life must be a great adventure... and you are as lovely as the rising phoenix.

Anonymous said...

You are inspirational, Zuzana. I must stop wasting my energy on people who don't deserve my thoughts...

Anonymous said...

I recently read "we find what we are looking for in life". I found that very comforting.

Like the Oliver Wendel Holmes quote that you shared, we just need to keep moving...

Wishing you a lovely week, Zuzana.

Ms.Chief loves wigwams! said...

.. ultimately when we surrender - bones & all ... we truly are 'living' the mystery that is our life: no expectations - no limitations - just fully conscious in the moment.
With great Love discovering the greatest outcome of all potentials.
Abundant Blessings, soar high & free darling Soul. The true enchanted harbour, answers of all things lie within You . . tis the experiences to be found in other, external such harbours which activate all opportunities within you. Embrace & enjoy, life is far richer for all flavours, Soul far wealthier for all Love shared. Huge hugs xXx

Amanda Summer said...

this is so beautiful, zuzana. you talk about not having a quiet harbor to find protection, but i think we cancerians actually find comfort while traveling on the seas of life. you are clearly a very strong person and i appreciate the deep sharing of your recent loss and pain.

as always, sending love and blessings your way and wishes that your sailing may be serene.


Mimi said...

" It is my personal belief that the ultimate magic of living lies not in the success stories, but in the experiences born from events that went terribly wrong."
I agree, Zuzana. And even though these are painful lessons, we do learn.
I'm delighted you're bouncing back. I know there will be bad days too, but you're on the way!
you're so brave, and you live life full-on. I admire that; it's not a rehearsal!

Anonymous said...

This is very inspirational. It is so easy to pull inward when we have been hurt, but that is the worst thing to do. I like your optimistic outlook on the future. You never know what wonderful things are waiting just around the corner. And you will never see them if you don't keep walking forward.

SandyCarlson said...

You are a brave and beautiful woman. Moving on is like getting over a speed bump while driving up hill. Not easy, but once it's done, you can build momentum an keep on.

You are wonderful.

Sandi McBride said...

Some would say you're a grown up, I say you're wise to the ways of life and facing it comes naturally to you!!! Would that we all could face life and her challenges with your courage and wit!

sprinkles said...

Beautiful post, Miss Zuzana! I wish I could write only half as well as you!

My life has been a series of ups and downs too. Looking back, it seems like it's mostly been downs but I have to remind myself there's been good too. And the bad has led to growth as a human being.

I wish I could help you through your loss and give you a big hug. Losses are so difficult to overcome.

Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

Your life attitude is wonderful. It has seen you through pain, in the past, it seems. And is doing so, again. I am so very, very happy for this, and for you.

And you ended with a super quote!

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching." Unknown

I love it!

Gentle hugs...

A Plain Observer said...

Dear Zuzana, I agree. Once you find that post to anchor you will not sail with the winds. Is it ever possible to find that port to anchor, I wonder at times?
Unlike you, I dont bounce so quickly. and I hold one to yesterday a bit longer than today would wish for. Eventually, they all mix together.

Rajesh said...

Wonderful insight into your life. You are so wonderful.

steviewren said...

You have the personality of a true optimist, the most fortunate of to love passionately, the ability to put the past behind you and move forward with are truly blessed.

Your photos are stunning. Especially the last....a sort of metaphor for this saved the best for last. I hope your life will be the same...the best is yet to come.

Anonymous said...

I love the way that you write your posts - It's always a pleasure stopping by here :)

Out on the prairie said...

Lovely thoughts, many only lookm for the good things to happen and let the others bring them down. Life is full of promises, both good and bad, to let us enjoy diversity in our situation.

adrielleroyale said...

What a beautiful picture you paint of resilience, life and the great push forward. I am always amazed when I watch National Geographic and how they document life on this planet. It always moves on, and forward; it always survives. The world keeps turning, barely allowing life and yet life thrives even in the most barren of places! So, we too, must keep thriving even in barren places. We must keep moving forward, learning, adventuring and living. The beauty of your soul and spirit shine through over and over, my friend! May you find what you are looking for long before your days are done. :)

Anonymous said...

Excellent post.Bravo.

Unknown said...

I always get lost into your writing. I can feel every bump and pleasure and happiness. You give me hope of moving on and what is to come.

A Lady's Life said...

Wonderful post and so well thought out.
I am a water dragon, so I am soft and weep to cleanse myself from the inside.Then I can put things behind me.
I find tears to be very therapeutic.
They tire you out and then your mind becomes crystal clear and able to think again.I find,
feelings have to come out somewhere. They cannot be kept inside forever and therefore should never be.But each person has their own way of expressing them and this is good.

Zuzana said...

Tony, Michael, Julie, Lynne, Bhushavali, Susan, Elisabeth, Kath, Elizabeth, Darla, Jill, Dan, Hilary, Betty, Claudia, Myrna, Alberto, Brian, Margie, ladyfi, Mel, Zuzu, P, Amanda, Mimi, LadyCat, Sandy, Sandi, sprinkles, Amelia, Myriam, Rajesh, Stevie, SDB, Out on the prairie, adrielle, Me, Doreen and Lady – thank you dear friends for your words of encouragement and kindness.
I guess we all deal with troubles in different way and we have a versatile way of bouncing back. Some of us need time to process the events, while some of us need only a moment to realize that what is in the past is in the past where it belongs.

My life is moving forward now and I am content and happy. New events has entered my present making me realize that there is plan behind it all and this realization helped me heal and become a new woman.

Thank you all for your visits and your wonderful comments – much of my healing is brought on by my love for writing and by your encouraging words that keep me coming back.