November Noir.

Fall is slowly concluding and the fiery glow of the ostentatious season is now only a memory. Instead, the outlines of trees stand naked, dark and ominous against a milky sky, their branches damp and still, resembling almost menacing silhouettes.
The remains of foliage and long gone bloom turns putrefied, instigating a sense of decay.

Late fall melancholy is by now truly apparent. To me it comes across as an intermission, a moment of stillness and tranquility that stands between the flamboyance of colours and the illumination of the Holiday Season.

I have been somewhat absent, in my writing and in my on-line life, for which I apologize. I do still ponder the bigger questions and I do still notice the enchantment around me, I only need more time to convey it in words and pictures to all of you you.
There are continuously issues that occupy my thinking, such as the fact that I find myself increasingly disenchanted with my line of work, a sensation that started a couple of years back and which only grows in intensity by each passing day.
I find this puzzling - that which once defined me and brought me happiness feels now as a burden and has lost its allure all together.

Is it midlife crises, I wonder, or is it I who have changed...
I feel a deep longing to realize old dreams, using my creative abilities, devoting what remains of my working life to an occupation that is novel and better suited the new me.
Curiously, life never works fully on all levels - if it did, I guess we would be done living it.

My reality evolves constantly and for someone who has lived by predictable routines for decades, I find the ongoing growth curiously reassuring. My husband's children are spending increasing amount of time with us, which changes the dynamic of our lives. It is a challenge on all levels, as I am thrown into parenthood of three teenagers, having never hold them in my arms as babies. Trying to be their friend and guardian and yet at the same time guiding them with gentle but firm rules as a stepmother is a balancing act of a novel kind. Yet as I refine my skills, the rewards are of indescribable measures - they are the children I will never have and their love and devotion surpasses all my expectations.

A move to a new house is now slowly becoming reality and soon we will be finally having a home of our very own where we can live as a family, with a sense of privacy and safe continuity. Thus as I look out onto our misty garden, I wonder whether this is the last November noir I am witnessing outside my windows in this old house. So much emotions and changes has undergone between its walls in such a short time. I know I will miss it in a certain way...

Nature is indeed winding down. It is entering a deep sleep, discarding the old and shriveled, renewing itself from within, in order to emerge reborn and revitalized a few months down the road.
This is a contagious rejuvenation, that applies to everything living, us humans too. Most likely when winter turns into spring, my own life will be reborn in a new place.

Late fall is in my perception always defined by one single masterpiece; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 21.
Thus when I look into the mist, I can hear piano and strings of violins, giving the melancholy of November a truly poetic, symbolic and almost meditative feel.

Sammy In Spring.

The vernal prelude has temporarily been interrupted and once again cold air - the icy breath of the Winter Lady - has swept through the country, reminding us that she is still in reign.
Nevertheless, I have thoroughly enjoyed a few days out in the warm sunshine. And may I say, I was not the only one, as seen on the clip below.

Dedicated to all Sammy (aka Batcat) fans.
Enjoy.

Every Love...

"All, everything that I understand, 
I understand only because I love."
 Leo Tolstoy

 We are in the midst of the holiday season and I feel it is time to revisit that subject that lies so very close to my heart - the subject of love. I have written about love before - and many of you recall this, I am sure.
I have written about love the way I have known it and perceived it at that given time, with honesty and passion. I am convinced that love is what I live for and why I was born - I am here to love and to be loved. In fact, everything I have ever done in my life has been in the name of love.

Despite this, the surpassing emotion has truly been quiet elusive in my life.
Until now.

In my past I have loved with fiery passion and I have loved many times. But the bliss never lasted, always ending with someones heart shattered in pieces - thus I became almost convinced that the romantic love was not meant for me.

"Every love is different" - once I was told these words by a brief acquittance and today I feel they are the most profound words ever said about love.
I believe with all my being that we can love more than once and that indeed, each time we love differently. Not more or less, not stronger or weaker, not more passionately or more distantly, not for the first time nor the last. Just differently.

I believe that a human heart is capable of breaking and mending endlessly. It is resilient and can recover fully, if we only allow it to feel and heal, never sheltering it or hiding it away. It will only grow stronger when given away.
Love has no beginning nor end. It is constant and it infuses everything. It is pure and when it is right, it is enough and it is all we need. The lucky few find that kind of love instantly, while the rest of us might have to look for it feverishly.
Still it only takes once to get it right - and when we do, we will know.

The capability to love is one of the most precious abilities we posses. Therefore I do not regret loving in my past, as I know that the love I gave away was never lost. Ultimately we will receive as much as we give. It might take years and even decades for this generosity to be returned, but if we only persevere and believe in its allure, one day true love will come streaming back to illuminate our existence.

(I made - and shared - the clip below last year, however I feel it can be reused. I dedicate it to all of you, whether you feel loved or lonely this Christmas, and whether you are with the ones you love or miss them dearly...) 



(Images in the post: Photobucket
Images in the clip, my own photography)

Good Things.

Once upon a time I knew an Irishman and trough him I grew very attached to everything Irish.
Even though our relationship fell apart, my infatuation with his beautiful country is still today left intact.

I still love a good whiskey, I am still mesmerized by Riverdance, Irish music and that incredibly stunning natural and rugged beauty of the country. And most of all - I still love a good pint of Guinness.

To honour today's St.Patrick's day and the memory of a good man, I decided to once again share with you my favorite Guinness commercial.

I too am a firm believer that indeed good things come to those who wait.

That Transcending Emotion...

Love.
That fleeting, yet such a completely transcending emotion; one that makes us feel so fragile and invincible, simultaneously.
At times I truly doubt that the romantic kind of love was ever meant for me - still I do believe and rejoice in its existence for others. As it is that one single human sentiment, which makes everything worth our while.

Even though some of us might feel lonely right now, missing that special connection with another human being, I believe we are never really alone - as love connects us all...
I became reminded of this belief by a set of touching sentences of comfort, send to me recently by a stranger, yet a kindred soul. Her poignant words resonated so strongly within me, I decided to share them here with you;

"Many people forget we belong together as one Universal family - when we forget we feel isolated... The Soul knows no ego, no pride nor fear of humiliation, whilst acting from the heart..."

Such a powerful message from an unexpected source...

Christmas is the time to remember those we love and have loved, no matter what kind of love that might be. As love takes all shapes and travels across vast distances to warm those we hold dear.

To celebrate this surpassing and collective emotion of Love, I have compiled a few of my favourite love quotes in the clip below, using my best winter photographs and the harmonies of one of the infinitely most poetic and romantic songs ever written.

I dedicate it to all of you, whether you feel loved or lonely this Christmas, and whether you are with the ones you love or miss them dearly...

Look To The Rainbow...

During our stay in Switzerland, the weather was a mixed blessing of sun and rain. Even though we did wish for more sunshine than we received, the heavy clouds and the rain did surprise us one day with the most incredible rainbow I have ever seen.

While driving home one afternoon with my sister and my niece, suddenly the dark grey heavens were adorned with a double arch made of magnificent colours. The bow was so vivid and strong that it looked as if someone had just painted it over the sky. Spanning a full semi-circle, ending in the waters of the lake, it brought about a deep sense of enchantment, as if we were facing a gateway into the land of magic.

As we stopped and admired the colourful strokes set against the dark canvas, my five years old niece made a wish. I hope you will find the time to watch the video below to find out what she wished for...

The Amazing Workforce.

Look closely at the picture to the left. Can you see what it is? (Please, click to enlarge.)
Yes, these are ants and I need a better camera lens and zoom.
Nevertheless, I can not help but be completely fascinated by these incredible little insects. Or not so little, depending on where in the world we are.
Thankfully, in my part of the world, ants are miniature and pose no harm to us humans. They are more a source of admiration and at time a slight nuisance to us gardeners.

I love to watch these little creatures, ALWAYS hard at work. They seem to be a spring of endless energy. Constantly on a move, busy performing or undertaking something, they appear to be almost a part of a collective consciousness, as they are so synchronized and organized in their work flow.

Already as a child I loved when walking through the Slovakian forests with my parents, we would encounter an ant hill. I always stopped gazing at it with fascination, as it appeared that a bustling metropolis was hiding within its core. A slight disturbance and the hill seemed to come alive in instant, as the inhabitants mobilized their troops.

Here are some cool facts about these amazing creatures (click here for source):

•If a man could run as fast for his size as an ant can, he could run as fast as a racehorse.
•Ants can lift 20 times their own body weight.
•The average life expectancy of an ant is 45-60 days.
•Adult ants cannot chew and swallow solid food. They rely on juice which they squeeze from pieces of food.
•The abdomen of the ant contains two stomachs. One stomach holds the food for itself and second stomach is for food to be shared with other ants.
•There are over 10000 known species of ants.
•Some worker ants are given the job of taking the rubbish from the nest and putting it outside in a special rubbish dump.
•Some birds put ants in their feathers because the ants squirt formic acid which gets rid of the parasites.
•The Slave-Maker Ant (Polyergus Rufescens) raids the nests of other ants and steals their pupae. When these new ants hatch,they work as slaves within the colony.
•If a worker ant has found a good source for food, it leaves a trail of scent so that the other ants in the colony can find the food.
•The queen ant lives up to ten or twenty years.
•The wood ant can threaten the enemy with open jaws.
•There are thirty-five thousand kinds of ants in the world.
•Some ants sleep seven hours a day.
•Ants are normally from 2 to 7 mm long, although carpenter ants can stretch to 2 cm, or almost an inch.
•Some ants care for and "farm" other insects.

Today I am as in awe of these busy little insects as I was in my childhood. However at times they do rise my frustration level; such as when they move into my house or start undermining my patios, just like on the clip below, which I took a couple of weeks ago.

Looking For Spring...

Usually in my weekend posts I share with you some pristine pictures of the nature that surrounds me. Or of the stunning views out of my windows, capturing the beauty in plants, trees or the sky.
However, this would mean sharing yet a few winter pictures and I assume everyone is about to be fed up with that.

As I dislike to keep my posts completely picture-less, I did upload a picture as seen here above. It depicts a view I show rarely, although it deserves to be seen. Taken out of my kitchen windows, one can glimpse the sea in the distance. A view obstructed by birch trees in the summer, but absolutely magnificent in winter.

As for the rest of today's post instead of a collage, I decided to share with you my first small cinematographic attempt. It is not that good; still, I hope it will make you smile.

I think that the star of my film needs no introduction and the clip itself explains the sentiment.
All that remains for me to do now is to wish you all a lovely weekend - from all of us here in the white house on a hill.

Dreaming Of Turquoise and Golden.

This Tuesday brought us more snow. Tons of it. As I was gazing out at the falling snowflakes, the storm kept dumping inches and inches of new snow everywhere.

It looked absolutely beautiful, I agree.

BUT - somewhere deep inside, I could feel the beginning of a certain longing, one which is only going to intensify in strength by each coming week. And in about two months, this longing will manifest itself with all the powerful force, which it will have harvested during this waiting time.
A longing for sun and the sea.
The longing for summer.

Thus, the coming cold weeks will find me dreaming of blue green coloured sea and white beaches, while my reality will be far removed from these pleasing images.
In my daydreams though, I am free to travel to the most visually stunning corners of the world, to the hidden tropical coves, forgotten islands and lonely bays, in search of virtual sunshine.

And the clip below helps.
I dedicate it to everyone who is just about to have had it with the snow.
Enjoy.

Do Not Disturb, Please.

I write a lot about my cat, the Batcat. I guess I devote a lot of my posts to him, because he is a great pet and at all times an excellent companion.

I work long hours and even though I would love to have a dog, it would be just too cruel to leave him alone for over ten hours each day. Batcat on the other hand doesn't mind at all, in fact I think he quiet enjoys being in charge of his kingdom while I am gone. Being an inside cat, he is extremely calm and loves to sleep and to relax. And that is fine with me, as I love those activities very much as well.
And then, he is also extremely cute.

Abut five months ago Batcat developed a new habit. Every morning he would come up to my bedroom, jump on the bed and demand attention. I used to be one of those people who would objected strongly to this previously. I found having animals in bed or even on bed unhygienic and strange. Hmm, but little did I know I was slowly changing my principles in this respect.

It is impossible to throw ones pet that purrs loudly and plays cute, off the bed. IMPOSSIBLE. When he presses his little furry head against my hand and relaxes completely, it makes me relax too. I actually sleep better, something I would never expect.

Well, these days Batcat actually sleeps on the bed each night. As on a cue, as soon as the lights are out, I can hear his soft pads on the stairs. Then he meows loudly once and jumps up on the cover, making himself comfortable on the lower right side, purring loudly. I find myself drifting to sleep easily too, while listening to his rhythmic expression of satisfaction.

And every morning he appears so relaxed, playing cute, refusing to get up again, as seen on the clip below.

Flashback Friday: "I Won't Let You Down".

One of the most beautiful songs ever written, in my opinion, is "I Won't Let You Down" by the group Ph.D. It was a hit in the beginning of the 80's and I recall hearing it as it reached the top of the UK charts, while I was listening to Radio Luxembourg late at nights. It contains the most haunting and enthralling chorus, that made my thoughts travel and made my mind wander in time and space. Even today it moves something within me and the compilation brings back memories of the static in the radio signal and at all times leaves me with bittersweet feelings of almost another life that I no longer recognize, but remember so well.

Unfortunately, I had a very difficult time finding the original compilation, available for sharing, in a recording of reasonably good quality. Therefore I decided to post a cover by the famous Italian singer Zucchero. I am not a fan of covers, but I think he did this songs justice. He slowed it down and gave it more of a rock, or even blues feeling. His powerful voice and the Italian lyrics, mixed with the original chorus in English is superb. He also altered the title, which I think reads something like "All The Colours Of My Life".

Nevertheless, if you find the time, please listen to the original as well; it is worth those extra few minutes, I promise.

The Universe Within.

Being involved in scientific research is to me an incredible adventure and an incredible privilege. When I finished my education and started to work exactly twenty years ago, I had no idea what I was about to experience. My professional career seems to have flourished over the years, as I was seemingly in the right place at the right time and met people who made it possible for me to excel in the field of science.

Working in research is a very complex and unconventional occupation. The successful scientists will tell you, it is not work, it is a way of life. You have to love it, or you will hate it. There is nothing in between. Ninety nine percent hard work and repetitions and one percent true magic.
There are days when I feel helpless, trouble shooting experiments that should work, trying to solve a puzzle with a piece that should fit, but it doesn't. And it takes all my mental power not to give up. Then, when it finally does fit, and the hidden message emerges, the obstacles are all forgotten and the feeling that encompasses me is indescribable.
And occasionally, those few precious moments in time occur, when all this leads to discoveries. Those that signify that one percent of magic, making the hardship worth my while, thousand times over.

I often feel like an ancient explorer, taking a journey into the unknown. My work is all about using my imagination, combining logic based on experience with visionary possibilities, in order to explore the biological process within the human body and the incredible mechanism with which it functions.

Our body is an amazing creation. Its simplicity and simultaneously its complexity, are astounding. We get up every day, never even realizing all the processes that has taken place over night, in the incredible machinery within us. While we have slept, multitude of small components started a chain of events, which has produced new material and new building blocks needed for repair, control or protection, inside a factory that never seizes it's production. With incredible precision, year after year, multitude of workers carry on, in order for our body to function adequately. And they work even harder, when it doesn't, as a part of our immune system. To me, it is almost as if we harbour a universe within us. Magical, fascinating and still as undiscovered as the space above us. And I get the privilege to venture into parts of it, every day.

The below is The Harvard 3D Cell Animation , which offers a glimpse into the micro-space that is the human cell. All the events depicted within the animation reflect the reality that is taking place inside all of us, right now, at a constant rate, endlessly. Resembling more an alien planet in a science fiction movie, than en environment in our cells, it can be difficult to comprehend that this world does truly exists within all humans.

My Passion.

Horses are my passion. Even though I do not ride anymore, I still recall the beauty of a ride through an autumn forest and the sense of freedom it offered me.

Today, what fascinates me about these animals is their elegance and the speed with which they move, with such an ease and grace. When I was young, I loved to draw horses and did this constantly. I even made clay artwork depicting fairy tale horses in art classes. I watched horses and studied their anatomy and the way they took their strides and how their body moved in a wild run. I developed a skill of drawing a horse very fast, just a few lines using a pen.

Today - and ever since I began to draw - I have been fascinated by two subjects; ethereal beauty and action in a movement. I tried at all times to depict these in my drawings or paintings; and both can be found in a run of a horse.

Below is a mix of images I drew when I was really young. I have posted a picture of one of my oil paintings previously, however I always preferred to draw horses with a pencil. Some are inspired by the old Czech fables and most are unfinished sketches, but all are over 2o years old.

The clip below documents an attempt to draw a horse the way I used to. I am of course a bit out of practice and although it is difficult to draw with one hand, while looking at the image through a lens of camera in my other hand, I think you get the idea. The drawing is a bit off proportionally (way too long front legs!), but the learned skill is still there, somewhere, even tough it is in need of some serious "dusting off".

Flashback Friday: "The Spirit Of The Hawk".

My music taste is very broad. I enjoy sound the way I enjoy life; I love to explore it using all my senses and I will never cease being curious. Therefore, I too will occasionally enjoy the escapist beat of house or techno-style, or even any good old fashioned dance music. In a certain way, it has a relaxing effect on me.

The below video from 2000 is an example of such a musical experience. One of the absolutely most stunning visual clips I have ever seen. I love everything about it; the sentiment, the colours, the setting, the images and of course, I completely love the song it accompanies.

Rednex is a Swedish manufactured techno-country band. To be honest, I am not very interested in much of the stuff they have produced over the years. Most of it sounds like rubbish to me. "The Spirit Of The Hawk" however is indeed an exception and I find it somewhat surreal that it was produced by this obscure musical group.

This piece indeed managed to appeal to all my senses the moment I watched it for the first time. I have just returned from almost a decade of living in the US. It was an unsettling time, as is common when any major changes take place in ones life. I was without a home and felt as if I had lost a part of my identity. Everything about the country I just left was still very vivid in my mind. Therefore, I also payed attention to images and sentiments that connected me to this far away land.

The relativity of time makes it all seem like yesterday, yet in some ways it feels like an eternity ago...

Flashback Friday: "Snow On The Sahara".

The nineties brought, I would say, a void into my musical world. A decade defined by alternative compositions, when "grunge" prevailed and other very progressive and angry styles ruled the music scene. They did nothing for me.
I was suffering.

Therefore, I turned to explorations of music separated from the mainstream styles and I developed a deeper liking for Country, Jazz, New Age and Bossa Nova.

It was during this time that I made my acquaintance with Anggun, a beautiful artist from Indonesia. When I heard the captivating, almost spiritual "Snow On The Sahara" for the first time, it felt indeed as if finding an oasis in the desert.
Unusual in lyrics and harmony and visually stunning, it still sounds so very unique ten years on.

Flashback Friday: "I'll Be Waiting".

In music, sometimes the best happens when fusion is involved. Although I did not enjoy rock when I was young, I started to become fond of it as I grew older. Particularly when the Latin rhythms and jazz sound were added, I was hooked.

Such is the music of Carlos Santana and his band from the seventies. The below is my absolutely favorite track from the album Moonflower. The album contains other tracks which I enjoy, such as the very famous "She Is Not There". Still, the below has a certain "feel-good" vibe to it and to this day, it is included in my very best mix and played often on my lazy Saturday afternoons. I think the video accompanying this smooth jazz tune is filled with so very fitting images adequately describing the last few weeks of summer...

Flashback Friday: "Better The Devil You Know."

I grew up with Kylie and I am still a fan to this very day. I love everything she has ever made. I love the way she has re-invented herself over the years, without scandals and without "eyebrow raising" behavior. I look at her as some sort of "musical" twin, if you will, considering she is my age.

Today, after she did overcome grave illness, Kylie is still as beautiful, talented and inspiring as I remember her from my teens. Her music holds sentimental and emotional ties to my youth and she connects my past and my present like no other artist.

I loved the bubble gum sugar sweet pop by Stock Aitken Waterman, that she did in her early twenties. As she was turning into a woman, suddenly the sweet image was gone and the video below was released in 1990, showing her as a more sensual young woman than a girl next door, which we all knew and loved from the long running show "Neighbors". Nevertheless, it still contained playful undertones and innocent freshness of youth. As I too was becoming an adult at that time, this song was constantly being replayed on my tape-recorder.

At times I wish I was back in that moment, when everything was just about to begin...

Taking It Slow...

Last week we received large amounts of rain. It has been raining almost non-stop for days. Particularly last Saturday was unusual in the fact that it was very wet, but also very warm. The rain felt almost tropical, which I do not recognize this far up north.

I am not sure if it is only in my mind, but nature is changing. The climate today is not that which I recall from my childhood. We experience a much more severe weather when it comes to rain and wind and temperatures as well. On many occasions, there are also articles in the newspapers about sightings of species of animals that are not common at these latitudes. Insects that usually live in warm climate are often seen here. Just the other day I read about a cicada sighting, an insect that is absolutely not native to Scandinavia.

I myself made a little unusual discovery on that particular wet Saturday. The rain brought out snails; we always have large amount of these. Mostly slugs, the black and even the red "killer" slugs that consume everything in their way and are a nuisance to every gardener.
On my terrace I could see an unusually large snail (of the edible kind, I believe;), one that I have never seen there before. As seen on the picture for comparison, our Scandinavian snails are much smaller. The large one is very common in central Europe, but I have never seen it here before.

Even though snails are savages when it comes to flower beds and vegetables gardens, I still like them. I like to watch them and their slow-motion moves, and at times their relentlessness on getting where they are going and not giving up until they reach the destination. No matter how long it takes.
Their perseverance and a way of "taking it slow" are so contagious. At least I think so.

Busy Bumblebees.

I love bumblebees. I think they are the most adorable insects. I love everything about them from the colouring, the very loud sound they make and the fact that they seem to be so very hard at work at all times. Their little bodies are covered in what seems long hair, making them look furry and fuzzy and in contrast to bees, inviting to stroke.
In June, the season for bumblebees usually peaks in my garden, most likely as that is when most of my flowers are in bloom. The whole terrace is buzzing with these little creatures, hard at work, as soon as the place is drenched in sun. This year June was very warm and unusually sunny, making most of my plants bloom ahead of time and simultaneously. I managed to capture the busy bumblebees when they visited my garden about a month ago.

Rhapsody In Rain.