August 14, 2013

The End Of An Era.

When I was a little girl, I drew.

I drew my dreams. Anything and everything I could not have at that given time, but could imagine in my dreams.
I drew with pencils on paper.
I drew my first apartment, the clothes I wanted, the future I imagined. The way I wanted to look.
I became absolutely proficient at drawing horses, as their romantic symbolism fueled my young mind.
As a teenager, I continued drawing, mostly escapist pictures for my girlfriends. Ethereal looking women, dreamy, with large eyes, full lips and flowing hair - they were a hit with my teenage peers.
Growing out of my teens, I moved to oil and over a few years created oil paintings, some of which still adorn the walls of my parents home, and until recently, my own walls in the white house on the hill.

As I became an adult and as my dreams shattered, I realized that life was hard and unforgiving, which took the fun out of drawing and painting and I stopped. All together.
Work and carrier took over.
Living took over to some degree as well.
Sometimes I wondered bewildered - how I could I no longer wish to paint and draw, something that was almost second nature to me...?
Yet, I knew deep within that a personal era has ended and nothing would be the same again.

And then, many years later, when life turned around and I entered a period of search and discovery once again, resembling a teenager in so many ways, but being an adult trying to find her purpose here,  I found something new and novel into which I channeled my creativity.
Writing and photography.

And as luck had it, I discovered blogging and my creativity turned into an outlet, enabling me to share my pleasure and pain, and my own life in the process, with millions of strangers.
Well, at least with all of you who are still around to read these few lines.

The last five years of my life, the ones that I have exposed to the world quiet publicly through my blog, has been the most defying years of my adulthood.
They took me through so many adventures and in such an intense way, it still makes me smile and ponder the incredible serendipity of life.
How much can unfold if we are only willing to find the courage to walk out on the limb and let it happen.
Let life happen.

Writing my online diary has been an incredible journey and I want to thank all of you, who are still here reading my last post.
Just like with my painting and drawing, I have reached an end of an era and find no longer a purpose nor need to continue.

I no longer find escape nor solace in writing - something I NEVER thought would occur. Yet my life has changed and thus so have my needs.
I no longer crave a creative outlet, as I have found my safe harbor, which grants me my dreams.

It took me half a lifetime to get here, but I have arrived and I have found my purpose in this life and my search is over. Instead I now devote my time to living.
And in some very odd way, my need to draw and paint has returned - not because I want to visualize my dreams, but rather document them coming through.

My dear friends, I do not write this post as a good bye, as experiences have taught me that we never know what lies around the corner.
Yet for now, this will be my last post before I stop writing indefinitely.

I want to dedicate it to all of you who have stuck with me through the years and who always had something nice or encouraging to say when I needed to hear it.
I would probably not be where I am now had it not been for all of you.

Thus all that remains to say is a big THANK YOU.
See you on the flip side.

xoxo
Zuzana

39 comments :

Kath said...

Au revoir beautiful girl, we love you xx

sprinkles said...

This makes me so sad! I shall miss you! Thankfully, we're fb friends and I see lots of horse posts there from you.

I hope that this isn't a forever goodbye and that one day you'll be back to blogging.

Elizabeth said...

Have a wonderful journey together with your husband my dear Sweety. You will always be a friend in my heart.

Snowbrush said...

My goodness, who would have thunk it? May we hear from you again, by and by.

Brian Miller said...

hugs.
i am blessed to have traveled this bit with you.
and you never know.

best wishes for you and your family my friend....

Sandi Mcbride said...

I am so happy that you will return to the painting but hate that you are leaving us here to wonder where you are and what you are up to, to not see the fantastic photos...will miss you my dear. We all end up going back to the person we were before life kicked us in the teeth and the pain if living almost becomes unbearable...I am no more the person I was twenty years ago than you were...and that is after all the lessons of life. I have come to love you and wish you bon voyage dear friend, aller avec Dieu
warm hugs
Sandi

Myrna R. said...

It's funny Zuzana that I have been thinking of you lately. I was hoping you'd come back to us, but the thought did cross my mind that maybe you wouldn't. I'm sad to know you're leaving us for now. I'll miss you but I won't forget the wonderful woman with the house on the hill who wrote of herself, the weather and her days. I wish you all the best. Stay happy whatever you do.

Margie said...

Zuzana, I wish you joy, peace and love (much love) in your life.
You will be missed.
It's a true pleasure to know such a kind and caring soul like you!
Be happy, I know you are and I know you will :)

xoxo

steviewren said...

I think it is wonderful that you have been able to replace loneliness with love and companionship. I'm happy you are able to replace blogging with a full and rewarding life. I say go for it! Enjoy it all! Good for you!

Maggi said...

Enjoy your new path. I will always treasure the part of the journey that I have shared with you. Be happy.

Keera Ann Fox said...

I am happy I found your blog, Zuzana, and made your acquaintance through it. Thank you so much - so far! :-) Mange klemmer fra Norge!

A Lady's Life said...

Well Zuzana you are off to a new adventure. One of painting and discovering another part of you.
We look forward to seeing some paintings in the future so as they say it's not good bye but au revoir for now.
:)
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Hilary said...

May your path lead you ever onward. I love that song from which you quoted "No, je ne regrette rien." It's a fine thing to be able to say. Hugs to you, my friend. Be happy. I'll keep an eye out for that flip side.

Rahul Bhatia said...

Best wishes for your pursuits,Zuzana!

Sandy said...

I will miss your blog Zuzana but am so glad we are FB friends. We all go through changes in our lives and it has been wonderful seeing you find true happiness with your new husband and family. Your life is so full now and I imagine you are quite busy making a new home for your loved ones. I hope you will still visit me once in awhile even if you don't maintain your blog. I feel very blessed having a glimpse of your life these past few years. So glad to hear you are drawing again. Like you, I love to draw too and haven't done much of it either like I did when I was young. I miss it the same as I do playing my clarinet. Perhaps you will inspire me to embrace those interests again.

ladyfi said...

I will miss your lovely thoughts and photos... but am so happy to hear that joy has taken you over and you no longer need this outlet.

Wishing you so much love and happiness and may all your dreams come true - if they haven't already!

LadyCat said...

I certainly understand your feelings. We go through so many changes and must follow our hearts. I hope you enjoy all that you choose to do and that your artistic endeavors are happy ones. I have enjoyed reading your blog and feel we have had similar paths to travel recently. My warm wishes go with you on your journey ♥

Rustique Gal said...

Dear Zuzana, I am happy that you are moving into a happy, comfortable life! Whatever venture you begin, you will succeed in, I'm sure. I'll miss you too. As the old cowboy show says, Happy Trails to You!
Hugs,
Sherry

Michael Manning said...

Ah Dear Zuzana: Friendships always outlast blogs and like everyone here, I hope you will drop an email to me whenever you feel like it. Your writing has been exceptional, and your spirit has truly soared for all to be inspired. I encourage you to step forward and hope that I too will be similarly blessed in my own journey. Take care of yourself, and God Bless You!

xoxoxo!
Michael

Bulgaria By The Sea- Real Estate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maggie Stein Buchardt said...

Here goes- I have been reading your blog for years, every single post, never having the courage to comment.
Your words inspired me, eased my pain, when I was sad, made me smile, made me cry. I want to thank you with all my heart for all the wonderful moments I had reading and rereading your words of wisdom. I would like to wish you lots of love and lots of passion, as "passion is what I do best".
Your words shall be missed.


Kind regards,
Magdalena Buchardt

Sumandebray said...

will miss your blogs and reflection on life...
enjoy your the journey called life and once in a while do come and meet us ..... so long!

Julie Hibbard said...

You have been an AMAZING inspiration in SO many ways. Thank you, sweet blogging friend.

Zuzana said...

Kath, sprinkles, Elizabeth (big sis;), Snow, Brian, Sandi, Myrna, Margie, Stevie, Maggie, Keera, Lady, Hilary, Rahul, Sandy, Fi, Cat, Sherry, Michael, Magdalena, Sumandebray and Julie- my dear friends, thank you so much for your thoughts and touching and heartfelt comments on this - at least for now - final post of mine. You have been my world for many years and I will truly miss you, but I have contact with many off you through other social medias, so this is at least not a good bye.
I am sure I will miss writing once in a while, when I see something that inspires or moves me, whether it is natural or man-made. And maybe one day I will return, to a writing of a different form, or a novel kind.
For now I do rather need to no longer reflect and contemplate, but rather to live and savour.

To Magdalena - I would like to thank you personally for your touching words, you do not list your contact information, thus I can not reply to you personally. Thank you for taking the courage to let me know how much my writing has meant to you. Ultimately, despite the fact that I wrote this mostly as a diary and mainly for myself, even though sharing my philosophy was highly rewarding - to know that my words and experiences have resonated with a stranger in quiet a profound way is the greatest reward for writing.
Thus thank you so much for stepping forward and for moving me return.

xoxo
Zuzana

Amanda said...

Dear Zuzana,

I read these words both with some sadness as well as with complete understanding. When you realize you are at a point to move on in life, then Goddess speed, my dear. I wish you all the best in your life as you follow where your new passions and endeavors take you. And I certainly hope we will be able to stay in touch via email!!

With much love and blessings on the road ahead,

Your Cancerian friend, Amanda

xoxo

Cro Magnon said...

We've spent a few minutes together over the months, and I shall be sorry not to continue. I wish you well, and may your searches never end. Cro xx

Sandy Carlson said...

I am glad you are happy. I am glad blogging was a positive part of that experience.

Best of wishes for you and your art, and please share it with us here if you feel like it.

Thank you for you.

Blogaire said...

Zuzana, I wish you much happiness now and in the future :)

Marianne said...

I am so sad to read this Zuzana, although I wish you all the very best in your life. I shall miss you and feel that I have lost a dear friend. Perhaps I shall have to try and find you on fb as would hate to lose you completely! I was thinking of you this summer, as we spent time in Denmark - a wonderful experience! Lots of love xxx

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

OH Zuzana how I have enjoyed "getting to know you" via the internet...as little as it is I feel I know you in some way. I will keep up with you via little snippets on FB but will miss your collages of garden flowers and plantings and the moon and so many other things that you wrote about over the years.

I wish you and your new family much HAPPINESS and JOY as you find each day NEW and EXCITING.
With love and hugs!
Jill

Lily Bets said...

Thank you my spiritual sister,I wish you all the best you desire from your life,many blessings.

Margie said...

Hi Zuzana,
Just passing by to wish you a great weekend.
Hope you are enjoying life to "the max"
I'm having the most amazing and beautiful day with my granddaughter Rose (and our day has just begun)
Life is good here :)

Sending you love & hugs
You are missed!!!
xoxo

A Plain Observer said...

Zuzana, this post kept me an edge waiting for the next line. I expected a new beginning in your painting, published work,sadly not a farewell.

I am picky as to the blogs I choose to follow and yours has been one I eagerly await for a new post. I have read you for about 4 years. In those 4 years you went through some changes, maybe even heartbreaks, and then the finding of your happiness.

I wish you the very best and I hope that one day a book of images and reflections will be on my shelf.

Laura said...

It has been so long since I last dropped by that I did not realize you'd stopped blogging. I wish for you every blessing dear Zuzana as you continue your journey. You were one of the early followers of my blog, and it is coming close to 6 years of blogging for me. Thank YOU for sharing wisdom and beauty, struggles and triumphs with all of us across the globe for all these years.

gentle steps,
laura

Maria Perry Mohan said...

I miss you Zuzana. Just been thinking of you. Hope you'll be back sometime in the blogging world. I'm still there....

Alberto Hugo Rojas said...

te deseo un hermoso 2014
lleno de muchas cosas bellas

Alberto Hugo Rojas said...

te deseo un hermoso 2014
lleno de muchas cosas bellas

Lily Bets said...

...finding your life purpose...how much I understand what you mean !
:-D

Snowbrush said...

You are missed, Zuzana, but at least you left your blog up in case you ever want to come back.