What's Another Year...

Returning from my extended absence, I find it somewhat difficult to adequately begin the very first post of this year.
I have drafted so many over the course of the Holidays, yet finding no opportunity to polish my writing into an acceptable format due to lack of time, it slowly became outdated and obsolete.
Additionally, I am experiencing an unexpected decline in my language skills. Despite the fact that I can express myself in five languages, English has until now been without a doubt the one I master the best - I can speak it fluently, write it with ease and I can use it to convey all aspects of life - both personal and professional.

I became proficient at speaking English during my years in the US and continued to excel in it while conversing on every day bases with the Irishman.
Today however he is long gone from my life and instead I find myself talking exclusively in Danish with my husband, my extended family and the kids. Slowly I begin lacking words and writing has become cumbersome, as a new vocabulary takes over my thinking.

It is odd, being in this linguistic no man's land, even though I have tried it numerous times before. Yet in my adult years I no longer posses the brilliance and speed of a young mind. Thus eventually, I can never fully master the novel tongue, while the old slowly begins to disappear into a vocabulary abeyance.
Being multilingual is a blessing and a curse.

Still, my love for writing is always there, simmering in the background. I thoroughly enjoy putting down my thoughts into words, documenting my life in the process, even though very little life altering wisdom can be perceived in my reflections these days.
Today I do more living than thinking.

Thus as the two faced God Janus once again seizes the reign over our world, I wonder what is in store for me as I set out onto a novel voyage through another set of pristine twelve months. Looking ahead, there is so much anticipation; a new home, perhaps a new job. The future seems undefined and adventurous.

Yet simultaneously, it comes across as unsettling.

By the time summer reaches its peak, I will once again see the love of my life temporary leaving me. Having tried it before, I know what to expect - many sleepless nights, torment, anguish and longing. Even though our forthcoming separation might be nothing like the last one, I brace myself for the hardship of yet another set of four months without him by my side, while I will try to find the courage deep within to be the woman he needs me to be, allowing him to fully concentrate on what he has been trained to do.
Having lived on my own more than half a life time I have no problems with solitude. In fact, I am very peculiar about the people I associate with and I rather be alone than in crowds.
With this said though, never before have I had such a desire to constantly crave the company of another human being, as I do my husband's. I covet his close proximity, his touch and caress. I miss him intensely even when we are apart for a day.  
"You're different with him. He moves, you move. Like magnets..." - an excerpt from a dialogue in the Twilight Saga series, no other set of words could more adequately describe my own romance.

Looking back, I conclude that so many years in my past have come and gone, melting together into this undefinable span of time, vanishing into oblivion. I like to believe that these were not wasted, but served a purpose in their own right, becoming an intermission in my life, when days progress in slow pace and when my being did strive to renew itself, while in pursuit of my dreams.
I carry a few such years in my suitcase and will without any doubt encounter these in my future.

Yet I also carry the memories of years that defined me, changing the course of my personal history, compelling me to set out onto epic journeys. These did not always end well, yet they were full of adventures and paramount progress. I feel that a lifespan that alternates the period of action with period of leisure and lethargy, is full and complete.

As I so perceptively perceived a couple of years ago, the period of the latest stagnation has passed and I have entered my personal golden age.
When - if - I once get the privilege to look back upon this part of my life, I will always remember it as one of the happiest. It will go down in my recollection as the most intense and vibrant.
I will always view it as the onset of my very own 'Age Of Aquarius'.

Courage and Passion.

"Courage to let go of fears and insecurities, courage to take a leap of faith, courage to surrender to our destiny and ultimately courage to give into love and to life itself, despite the incredible uncertainty of the future.
And I intend to be courageous with a fiery passion, as passion is what I do best."

The above lines were the final sentences in my post almost exactly a year ago. Today they feel so ominous, as they are the very essence of the experiences, which defined 2011 for me.

Brand new twelve months await and as we enter January and our reality is once again a pristine canvas, so much has the possibility to unfold.
Being in an entirely different place than I was a year ago, I still wish to be courageous with passion, as I will truly need a lot of both to get me through 2012. I know without any doubt that hardship awaits, but I hope that it will be lessened by the love and happiness that fills my heart.

A few days back, when I brought the large case filled with empty containers back into the house from our garage, in order to pack away our Christmas ornaments, a sudden movement within one of the boxes startled me. A dark small shape jumped into my view, only to disappear deeper into the trunk, small feet scurrying within the case, under all the tinsel and ornament crates, causing me to hold my breath and freeze with surprise. I grabbed the case and carried it quickly outside, far away from Sammy's proximity (the cat). Removing all the empty boxes one by one, I finally reached the bottom of the trunk and the small culprit, that has chewed its contents into pieces. A little mouse stared right back at me, its eyes dark like two onyx buttons, the nose pink and ears drawn back. Crouching in the corner, paralyzed by fear, it stood still long enough for me to get a few snapshots, watching me intensely before vanishing into the shrubs through a small hole in the case.

I had to smile with amusement, as this was my first close encounter with a mouse ever. Contemplating this I realized that even though considered vermin and a nuisance, mice are actually very symbolic animals.
Having a distinctive place in the Chinese horoscope, a mouse or a rat stands for frugality, determination, perseverance and courage and even new beginnings and rebirth. And then there is the fable of The Lion and The Mouse, a favourite of mine ever since I was a child.

Thus I guess my chance meeting with a cute rodent was indeed allegorical. A small vivacious animal that found enough courage to look me in the eye, as if to remind me to be courageous myself, embracing - with fiery passion - all that awaits down the line.

"Grand Adventure".

Music is very important to me.
In fact, it is highly essential and compliments my daily life in the most vital way. I listen to music every day, the whole day.

I turn on the radio in the morning as soon as I walk out of the bedroom, I listen to the radio while I drive to and from work. In the lab, music can be heard in the background the entire day and as soon I come home in the evening, I put on one of my favorite CDs.

There has been many songs in my life that have captured my senses, due to the rhythm, the enticing harmonies or the poetic lyrics. Today my memory holds a collection of various melodies, which have stayed with me for one reason or another. As soon as I hear the first familiar tunes, in a split second I am taken back in time, recollecting particular moments of my past and the people in it, while my being is infused with bittersweet contemplation.

Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel is one such song, which brings smile to my face and amusement to my mind. Hearing it on one of the radio stations the other day, my mind traveled back twenty years, taking a sentimental walk down the memory lane.

I was twenty two, going on twenty three, celebrating New Years Eve in the company of a dear friend on the Island of Furteventura, one of the Spanish Canary Islands located in the Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of Africa. We were two young girls who decided to escape the cold winter of Scandinavia, spending two weeks in warmer latitudes, as the year crossed into a new decade. Little did I know then, that this would be such a life changing trip for my best friend and in turn for me as well.

It was more than two decades ago, yet still today I remember the trip vividly. Particularly the excitement when we realized we were assigned to a studio apartment with a large terrace and a magnificent view of the ocean and the stunning sunsets, which would take place every single evening above its turquoise blue waters.
Furteventura, at least the part where we stayed, was unusually pristine, rugged and unexploited. There were very few hotels and all one was left with was unspoiled beauty. With that said though, some of the hotels directly on the beach were luxurious. Particularly the German ones, which were part of a type of Club Med vacation resorts, a term that was quiet unknown to two young girls, who traveled and stayed on a budged.

A few days into the new year, my stunning friend, a true Scandinavian beauty, a cool blond and very sophisticated young woman, caught the eye of a man in his early thirties, walking along the beach one day. After the polite introductions we realized he was German and involved with television entertainment. Within a short while, we were both invited into his hotel later that evening for dinner. I guess I was mostly invited as a chaperon, or as I later realized, a date for the traveling companion of our new acquaintance.

The evening came and when we crossed through the gates to the hotel, it felt as we entered paradise. We were greeted by opulence and beauty, not just in landscaping and architecture, but also in the entertainment and amenities. And the dinner to which we were secretly smuggled into, consisted of a rich buffet, where the tables were literally breaking under the weight of the food offered. Anything from meat to exotic fish, grilled, cooked, baked or fried, fruit and vegetables, some that I have never seen before or since and deserts that even today make my mouth water.
The evening progressed and my friend and her new suitor disappeared at one point, while I was left with his companion. An old man in my eyes then, but my age today. Many years later I often contemplated with amusement what he must have thought off me, a young girl who could have very well been his daughter. A playboy at the best and apparently a photographer by profession, he was tall and striking, with long blond hair, wearing a hat and cowboy boots, his face weathered by the elements, but very distinguished and his manners sophisticated. And he was a perfect gentleman the whole evening, while we walked around the hotel premises, trying to communicate in a broken German and  poor English.

Our walk and the innocent, but memorable evening finally ended in the hotel's bar on the other side of midnight, where he bought me a glass of my first good wine. Even today I recall the odd and long looks of all the mature women present in the intimately lit, smoke filled room. Many of them looked lonely and what I perceived desperate, something unknown to me in my youth. I felt terribly out of place and surprised over this scrutiny then, as the man I was with held no interest of mine. Today I know better, as time has caught up with me as well...
All this became strongly etched in my memory, an odd moment frozen in time while the bars piano man played Just The Way You Are softly in the background.
He played many more songs that night, but this one stuck with me for eternity.

Eventually our lovely vacation came to an end and as we boarded the plane, my friend knew she was in love. She found a soul mate, even though the infatuation came to be short lived. After our return home, she packed her bags and left to be with her love in Germany, where she stayed for many years to come, long after the relationship ended. Even though we are still in touch today, I lost my very best friend on that island and no more than a couple of years later, I left Sweden too, for good. I guess in some way her departure was a catalyst to my own.

What is even more fascinating about this story is the fact that today, the man she left her family and friends for is a famous television commentator and a talk show host, with his own very popular talk show, interviewing prominent guests on German television.
I wonder to this day if fond memories of Furteventura ever cross his mind - or that of his friend. After all, when translated, the name of the island means something like "Grand Adventure".
And it sure was one indeed.

Authors Note: To those of you who read this to the end; I humbly thank you for your patience and effort in making your way through a very long post - and I dedicate this beautiful compilation below to all of you. 
It is a classic and a beauty, both in harmonies and lyrics.

Crossing The Annual Doorway.

The God of the Doorway is yet again ruling our present.
January is here and with it, all the bittersweet sentiments that come from endings and simultaneous beginnings.

As we brush away the confetti from our hair, recovering from champagne daze and smoke of fireworks - whether we make resolutions or not - we are all facing a pristine year ahead of us. It is ready to be seized and conquered, made into anything we like, as long as we dare to dream and imagine.

Just like the two faced God Janus, looking forward and backward, I can not help but feel a sense of nostalgia as I let go of the last twelve months of my own life. A time of so many changes, a time of happiness and sorrow, of laughter and pain, and most of all a time filled with so many unforgettable moments, those that will become a silver lining on the mental photographs stored in the corners of my memories.  I feel enriched and grateful for all that destiny has bestowed upon me as yet another year is added to the creases of my face. However the lines instigate a strong sense of satisfaction, not dismay. They tell a tale of a year lived and that is is all that I aspire to.

Looking ahead, there is so much promise in the commencing twelve months and I intend to embrace it all, without restrictions. After all, experiences have taught me, that life brings our way wonderful things, but it often takes courage to savor them fully.

Courage to let go of fears and insecurities, courage to take a leap of faith, courage to surrender to our destiny and ultimately courage to give into love and to life itself, despite the incredible uncertainty of the future.

And I intend to be courageous with a fiery passion, as passion is what I do best.
Happy 2011 everyone.

Lunar Eclipse.

I can never get tired of looking at the moon. It mesmerizes me always and it leaves me feeling enchanted every time.
The moon is full thirteen times a year and there is something inevitably feminine about its cycle. Mysterious and enigmatic, so close, yet so out of reach, never the same.

I have described numerous times that I can see the silver disc out of the roof top window above my bed, drifting to sleep under its cool glow, when the nights are clear and the conditions right. I wish I could see it as often as thirteen times a year, but that is rarely the case. The Scandinavian night skies are often cloudy and the view of the moon is scarce.
Intriguingly enough, the last full moon of the year fell on New Years Night. As luck has it, that night was as beautiful, as during the last full Moon in the same month. Clear and bitterly cold, with snow on the ground and the skies absolutely pristine.
Everything seemed magical and fairytale like and the old year departed with an uncanny grace. And even more fascinating is the fact that there was a partial eclipse, that could be seen starting early in the evening and lasting about an hour. I am forever fascinated by these celestial events and the fact that they occur on the last night of the year adds obviously incredibly to the mystique of this natural satellite of the Earth.

The only regret I have at all times is a not having a better zoom on my camera, as the pictures here are nowhere near the incredible sights I had out of my windows last Thursday.

Wonderful Time.

I would like to wish all of you reading this a joyful Christmas celebration, spend in the company of your families, loved ones and friends.
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank you ALL for your lovely visits and comments here this past year - your kind words have made these twelve months special in more ways than one.

I am taking a Holiday break and will return shortly after New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU

xoxo

Zuzana

The "Noughties".

The first decade of the century is about to end. That notion is somewhat nostalgic to me. Perhaps as I am so aware of time and how fleeting it truly is, or maybe because I dislike when something reaches its end. No matter how good or bad it is.

The finale of this decade is somewhat poignant to me due to many reasons. One of them is that these are the fastest passing ten years of my life. I do not recall any other decade moving with such a a speed forward. Perhaps this is linked to the relativity of time, which makes each passing year feels shorter, as it encompasses a shorter span in our life.

It truly seems as it was only yesterday I celebrated the turn of the century with my parents, as we watched the fireworks in the sky and wondered, whether the whole city will turn black due to the scare of Y2K. But, nothing sinister took place and we happily toasted the new decade welcome.

These ten years that went in flash still fail to have a proper name. They were nicknamed "The Noughties" (derived from "nought", meaning zero), a term that has achieved common usage throughout the English speaking world, but failed to reach an universal usage. Still, officially called the 2000s, this decade did however see some major events taking place. Some happy, some sad, some terrifying and heart wrenching, some joyful and exciting. But in any case world changing.

Just to mention just a few of the trends, a BBC article sums up the decade using keywords, in all areas of life, including people and events. Here are a few examples, taken from the article:

Decade Of Words:
•Bailout
•Bubble
•Carbon Footprint
•Google
•Ground Zero
•Taliban
•Transparency

Objects Redefined:
•Avatars
•Blackberries
•Bottled water
•Botox
•Breast implants
•Four-wheel drives (SUVs)
•Google
•GPS
•Hybrid car
•iPhone
•Memory stick
•MySpace
•Reality TV
•Reusable shopping bags
•Sexy high-heeled Jimmy Choos
•Smartphones
•Social networking
•Spy cameras
•Wikipedia
•World Trade Center

Fantasy Decade:
•Blogging
•Bollywood
•Doctor Who
•Harry Potter
•Reality TV Shows
•Idol - the phenomenon that ranged from the US to India
•Lord of the Rings (the trilogy)
•Slumdog Millionaire
•Social media (Facebook, texting, Twitter)
•Susan Boyle

For full text, please visit this site.
There are many other sites online listing key events of the decade all across the net. I guess everyone has their take on what was and was not important. I have my own personal events that define not just these last ten years, but they also define me as person. I am hoping that the next decade ahead of me holds just as much excitement.

New Year Countdown

Happy Silvester!

Another year has come a full circle and today is New Years Eve, or as we call it in Eastern Europe, “Silvester”. The New Years Eve is the ultimate yearly celebration; a bittersweet time, where one ending meets a new beginning.

There has been by now quiet a few such celebrations in my life, I have to admit. More than I like to remember actually. With the passing time, the years seem to become shorter, yet their significance grows. Today, my reflections go back to 2008.

In the past, there have been years that have defined me. Defined and changed me. Milestones, which brought my journey through life in a new direction. Moments in time, when I made decisions that would revolutionize my destiny. This year has been one of them. After a long period of slumber, I awoke to a new existence. I am forever grateful to life for bringing this long awaited change my way. I have never before felt so much alive as I have done these past twelve months.

This conversion brought on a chain reaction of events, which caused me to stumble upon a wonderful blog post, that lead me here and inspired me to start writing my own blog. This is another experience I would never want to have been without. I never knew there are so many talented people out there, not just talented but genuinely kind, smart and caring. And the phrase stating “things happen for a reason” has never made more sense to me that in recent months.

So, I raise my glass to all of you, who have made my visits here so enjoyable; may you have a wonderful evening and in 2009 I wish you, all my blog friends, the VERY BEST!

I am going to spend a few days "off blogging" and devote it to my two roommates; see you all after January 5th.;)