August 31, 2012

"Once In A Blue Moon".

Once in a blue moon - that is what we tend to say, when something occurs very rarely.
And indeed, this morning when I opened my eyes, I revisited an old childhood feeling. I woke up full of excitement, anticipation and longing, just like I used to feel when it was Christmas Eve. Generally long gone from my perception, these emotions grace me only occasionally with their presence.

The last time I felt this way was on my wedding day.

Today is indeed the day - or night - of the blue moon, when the second full moon of this eighth month will grace the night heavens. The celestial lantern has been shining like a large silver globe outside our windows for the past few evenings, expanding in my view, reminding me of the significance that today holds in my perception.

Today the man to whom I have given my heart will return into my embrace.
Today, my husband comes home.

I have married a man whose life is defined by honour and whose traits are defined by chivalry and courage. In my eyes he is a perfect man, a knight of modern times, the likes of whom truly do only come by once in a blue moon. He offers me something unique - pure and unconditional kind of love, the kind which transcends time and space. Yet additionally he also grants me a life that will be forever changing, like an endless adventure. Despite the anguish and fear that my reality will always contain, it will never grow mundane or predictable, but remain fiercely passionate and enthralling.

Recently I was siting in our garden - it was a warm August evening. One of those very rare ones, when the wind was non existent, the sky clear and the late summer sun was setting in my view. It created a déjàvu in my perception, as I was brought a year back, writing a transition post in this same spot, consumed by a sense of content, warmth and feeling at home.
Finding myself experiencing identical - if not even more enhanced - emotions today, I know that I am exactly where I am suppose to be...

Dear friends, thank you for sharing the wait of these past four months with me - I made it to a large extend thanks to all of you and your encouraging and comforting words and your genuine interest in my writing -  my prose serves at all times as an creative outlet and an emotional release and I enjoy documenting my life in this online diary. 
See you all very soon, I shall return.♥

August 24, 2012

The Sunday of Summer.

August Bloom In Our Garden
August is much like a Sunday. It is still weekend, but the threat of Monday is imminent. In the case of August; it is still summer, yet autumn is approaching fast.

The second season this year was a total disappointment weather wise, going down as one of the coldest and rainiest in history. Luckily, its ultimate month did granted us a few warm days, even if they came a little too late. That unmistakable finale hangs now in the air, while the sun lies ever so low above the horizon and its shine grows golden. The atmosphere resonates with maturity, as crops grow heavy and all the fruit and berries ripen, getting ready for the harvest at the onset of fall.

Although I am saddened by the fact that my favorite time of the year is concluding, the seasonal changes are nevertheless reassuring and simultaneously alluring. The natural circle mimics the events in our own life, where the good and the bad alternates, creating a vital balance.
The older I get, the more I begin to realize that everything, whether it is positive or negative, has its purpose to play. So many times in my past have I seen my dreams crushed and that which I have hoped for pass me by, yet in hindsight I know that the doors that eventually opened led me to better places.

Heart Formed By Our Candle
This is how I met my husband - after a period of tragedy, disappointment and personal loss, feeling discarded and abandoned, I painfully watched as a door slowly closed forever on an ineradicable dream. Yet as I picked myself up, gathering the last of my strength, ready to continue living again, refusing to give into despair and resignation, for once I decided to walk through the gate that was opened  -  and there he stood, the man of my dreams. The one I have been waiting and feverishly searching for my whole life, offering me hope, love and new dreams. I will forever be left wondering how this came to be and only a belief in the spiritual and divine offers any explanation.
Very soon I will once again gaze into those steel blue eyes of his, deep and enticing like the North Sea, holding so much love and affection, as I once again fall into his embrace - the only place I feel completely safe and sheltered.

Until then, I see those same eyes in his children, while they laugh and rummage through the house, having kept me company this week. Thus my own, however deeply embedded parental instincts are brought to life. I am glad to notice how relaxed they are now around me, as compared to the initial few encounters - they behave currently very much the same as when their father is here with us. A time span of a year is certainly much longer in a child's perception - at this point my presence in their reality is something constant and comforting.

My Pasta Salad
I am therefore becoming more sensitive and experienced in areas I have not needed to before. Being thrown into parenthood, never having to raise my own children, I am excelling in other parts of life, such as improving my culinary skills. Considering myself at all times a disaster in the kitchen, I have come to the conclusion that this might not necessarily be the case. I just need some practice and perhaps one day I might even enjoy cooking - and be really good at it.

So much change has taken place in the past year and a half. As I briefly return to read my old posts, I can feel that I have changed too. All the challenges, alterations and new encounters of the past sixteen months have created a novel me.

Whether I am better or worse than before is impossible for me to asses, all I know with certainty is that I am the happiest I have ever been. Every change takes something from us as well as it gives.
The best life however is the one which is a work in progress, an unfinished painting, a diamond in the rough. A blank page to be yet filled with sentences describing new adventures and life altering reflections.

August 17, 2012

One Hundred Days.

Since my husband left our home - and me - in the beginning of May, to temporary serve another country for four months, I have carried out a small, yet vital ritual every evening.
Just before I turn in for the night - I cross off each passing day in our calender and say a little prayer for his safety.
It has been an incredibly rewarding process, watching each week pass and the blank page of each month becoming saturated by red marks - signifying my personal countdown.
Thus this Thursday marked the hundred day since we parted.

One hundred days alone, one hundred days without his kisses, his touch and his presence, one hundred days of readjustment, longing and worries. Yet hundred days full of personal growth and new learning experiences, making me realize over and over again how much I cherish my life and its versatility and simultaneously making me so aware of the precious, deep, passionate and foremost pure love that we share between us.

One hundred.
A number that can feel infinitely large and yet infinitely small. One hundred seconds are barely two minutes of our lives - nothing but a fleeting instant and we can grasp and comprehend it. One hundred years can define our own life time - if we are lucky - and we can still understand this duration. Yet take one hundred decades, which comprise a millennium, a time span infinitely more difficult for us to imagine and which can see entire civilizations come and go.

Thus, to celebrate my one hundred milestone, here are some random fun and interesting facts about this symbolic number.

· In Latin, 100 is centum and the Roman numeral for this number is C.
· 100 is the basis of percentages (per cent meaning "per hundred" in Latin), with 100% being a full amount.
· 100 is the sum of the first nine prime numbers, as well as the sum of four pairs of prime numbers (47 + 53, 17 + 83, 3 + 97, 41 + 59).
· On the Celsius scale, 100 degrees is the boiling temperature of pure water at sea level.
· The United States Senate has 100 Senators.
· "The First Hundred Days" is an arbitrary benchmark of a President of the United States' performance at the beginning of his or her term.
· Most of the world's currencies are divided into 100 subunits; for example, one euro is one hundred cents and one pound sterling is one hundred pence.
· The number of years in a century is 100.
· The Hundred Years' War (1337-1453) between France and England lasted 116 years.
· The largest bank note in England is the one hundred million pound note, nicknamed Titan.
· A centurion was an officer in the army of ancient Rome, commanding 100 men (centuria = 100 in Latin), although in reality he only commanded 60-80 men.
· In the Christian literature, the number 100 appears as symbol of the celestial beatitude.
· The second reigns of Napoleon lasted 100 days, from March 20 to June 22, 1815. It ended by the defeat of Waterloo.
· In the year 100, the wheelbarrow makes its first appearance in China and bricks become the primary building material in the Roman Empire.
· 100km is the altitude at which the FAI defines that spaceflight begins.
· Yesterday it was 100 days since I last kissed my husband.♥♥♥

August 10, 2012

Midnight Twilligt Finale.

The eighth of August officially marks the conclusion of our white nights. This means sadly that the second season is closing towards its end.
Yet, as we enter the summer finale, I am also entering the last weeks of my solitude. In less than a month, I will once again rest in the arms of the man I love, welcoming him home. I look forward to this time with excitement, longing and anticipation.

I have neglected to update this online diary as of lately and have graced this page with my absence. It is all unintentional - the will is there and my draft folder is full of reflective writing complimented by stunning photography. Yet I have simply not been able to find the time to share it all with you.
The reason might be that my move North has been a very successful move in every possible way. I have found not just true love and happiness here, but also a new family and new friends - all of these have added purpose and content to my days, drawing my attention and time elsewhere in a very welcomed way.
Thus despite my solitude, I have not really been alone - nor bored.

The only day of the week that allows me to spend my time here undisturbed is on a Friday morning. Immersed in the silence of a newborn day, I currently enjoy sitting outside with a cup of fresh brewed coffee, savoring the warmth of a late summer sun on my face, watching its rays reflected in our dew covered lawn. The sunshine carries with it a promise of a new, beautiful day, when anything can unfold and anything is possible.
These are those perfect moments in time that reinforce the allure of just being alive.

Nature and its endless enchantment and beauty is responsible for the best memories I carry within my recollection. Just like the photography below.
These images are my farewell tribute to the summer sun, as it now slowly accelerates its departure from our views. Captured one evening this July, from a house on a small picturesque island in the Swedish archipelago, they allowed me to marvel over a stunning sunset as it unfolded in my view for over ninety minutes, ending shortly before midnight.
Until next year.

(Note: The photographs below are taken in Sweden last month.
However the images throughout the post are taken in the proximity of our home last week, as I enjoyed an evening stroll along the North Sea with good friends.)