July 09, 2012

Half Way There...

Simple Pleasures...
Leaving the first week of July behind, I am exactly half way into my ordeal. Thinking back over the past two months, I have mixed opinions about the speed with which they have progressed - some days flew by, while some felt endless.
It has gotten easier though, to be alone, however unimaginable I though that would be. Or rather, to be without the man that I love, as I am perfectly capable to be on my own - lets face it,  I have had decades of practice.

In any case, I have settled into and accepted my new reality, developing new routines, trying to find positive aspects of my involuntary solitude. The fact that it takes very little effort on my part to find allure in the mundane helps a great deal and I do fill my life with a multitude of simple pleasures. After all, it is my experience that happiness is made out of short beautiful moments and we are the ones who create them.

I have made a new friend and meeting this delightful woman has made me realize how much I have missed a close girl friend. Due to my cosmopolitan lifestyle, I have not had one for over a decade - not counting some beautiful friendships I made online. Still, there is nothing like being able to physically spend time with someone who lives just a block away and who genuinely enjoys my company. It has been endlessly therapeutic to have another woman to talk to - preferably over a glass of good wine.

My New Friend...
She has made me laugh, cry and contemplate and amazingly 
I am finding novel avenues of thinking thanks to this encounter, learning so much about myself. 
This reinforces my perpetual belief in the importance of seemingly random encounters we make in life and the sensitivity with which we should always approach the people we meet. They all have a part to play in our life and if we give them a chance, vital lessons await to be learned.

I miss my white house much less currently, if at all. Suddenly the returning recollections of marvelous skies and sunsets do not occupy my thinking any longer. I have realized that I love the uncertainty of my future. There have been times in my past, when life seemed so predictable and indefinitely planned. Living in my white house, I knew there was not much new that awaited to be experienced, if I did not choose to make it happen - an idea which filled me on many occasions with a sense of panic.
Today this is no longer the case. I can still feel the rise of panic within me, but that has to do with fear for the safety of the man I love or the need for his presence. At times I curse the profession he holds and the fact that a separation like the current one will be a continuous occurrence in our life. Yet, simultaneously I realize that I love the very essence that his absence will provide. It gives rise to the unexpected, fueling my life with endless possibilities, preventing it from growing mundane and leaving the future open and free. Additionally, I feel endlessly proud to be loved by and to be in love with a courageous man, whose reality is defined by honor, duty, chivalry and competence.

The Celestine Prophecy
Most of my possessions are still in storage and in my solitude I find myself missing some of them, mostly old photo albums and my books. Luckily though, I did take some books with me and the other day I randomly picked up one. When I read The Celestine Prophecy for the first time those eighteen years ago, it was one of the most profound books I ever came across. Today I know it shifted something within my perception and when I return to my own writing, I realize how much it has inspired me in the way I live my life. It will be endlessly exhilarating to read it again - I wonder whether it will still move me in the same way as it did when I was a young, naive woman.

Yes, I am half way there - in my solitude, but also when it comes to the bigger picture - my life. I read recently on the news that I find myself in most depressive stage in it, with the respect to my age. Those younger or older are infinitely more happy.
We are all familiar with the curse of the midlife crises and of course, I too feel its effects occasionally. I do know that certain dreams I have had will never come true, yet I also hold the power to shift my dreams and make new ones.
Looking back I am content with my past and hold no regrets - thus I only dismiss these kind of surveys with a smile. After all, I have always lived my life as an exception to the rule and believe that happiness is a state of our mind, not the state of our age.

My New Stunning Evening Skies...


Rahul Bhatia said...

Lovely post Zuzana:) Friends bring cheer to our life undoubtedly and every moment must be cherished:)Thanks a lot for your kind comment on my post!

Brian Miller said...

yay! halfway....def marking those little milestones gives on a sense of accomplishment and hope for tomorrow...if you made it this far you will surely finish it...smiles...and very cool on your friend...we def need friends of our own gender as there are things they can talk about much easier and understand....i hope this week goes well for you friend...

A Bit of the Blarney said...

Thank you for this post. It offered me an opportunity to reflect on my life and where I am today! There were some revelations! Wishing you well! Cathy

Amanda Summer said...

finding a friend who is close by is a treasure indeed. i'm so happy for you zuzana, that you have this support. i'm also very happy that you are halfway through this time period and will be reunited with your husband soon. i don't know his profession but it reminds me of a friend who works in the maritime world and is gone from his family for 6 months out of the year.

i hope your birthday was filled with love and joy.


Betsy Brock said...

Yippee on half way! And how fun to have a new friend...that is wonderful! I thought the last photo was of a forest fire! What an amazing sky!

Mimi said...

Hi Zuzana, it's good to be at the half-way marker! I mean that in both senses.
When I turned 50, a friend wrote on a card "it's all freewheeling from here on". I was happy enough to be 50 (considering the alternative and my friends who had passed on already),and I had a big party and didn;t hide my age from anyone! I did find inspiration in that phrase, and have done ever since.
I couldn't agree with that survey at all. I find that I'm very content in my skin now, an absence of pressure to look or act "cool".
And like you, I'm meeting all sorts of lovely people! I think an openness to add friends at this stage of your life (you wouldn't believe how many people think their friendships are formed, finito!!) has enriched my life beyond belief.
I loved your piece about people we meet having a part to play in our life and our lessons learned. So true.
Have a beautiful week, my friend, and freewheel it!

Mimi said...

P.S. That sky is stunning! wow! I could look at that photo for hours.

Anonymous said...

Great sky shot.

Happiness is indeed a state of mind - and spirit.

Kath said...

I was wondering when would be the half way point and you answered my question.
I'm so happy you made such a great friend and supporter. You have proved that every cloud has a silver lining.
The photo of the sky is stunning, I thought to begin with, it was smoke.

Myrna R. said...

Susana, I love that you write from your heart. It's nice knowing you have a friend nearby. Also that you're halfway there. Now the anticipation goes into high gear.

Thanks for you sharing. You are a sweet, intelligent, loving woman and its so nice to know you.

sprinkles said...

Whoa, that bottom picture is just stunning! Oh how I wish our skies were even half as beautiful! It seems so weird to me that we share the same sky, yet yours is so much different than mine!

Yay for being half way done! I'm glad that you made a friend. That should help the time pass a little quicker too.

Sumandebray said...

I loved reading through your post. Life is all about making choices and those who choose to be happy are happy.
It is very inspiring to see happiness extracted out of all situation.
... True friends are one's biggest strength..
Long Live your friendship

Rajesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rajesh said...

Great, I am glad you have found a new friend in this place.

A Plain Observer said...

Perhaps the best post I have read from you Zuzana.
I have to say I have also lived my life somewhat as an exception to the rule and I do hope that it will be that now as I enter a new chapter.
Your new friend - and what a wonderful picture - and the way you describe a friendship captures what the physicality of a friend is. Yes, we can have on line friends and far away friends but nothing compares to having someone who is near us.
This is a lovely post full of reflection and introspective thoughts.
Thank you

A Plain Observer said...

Perhaps the best post I have read from you Zuzana.
I have to say I have also lived my life somewhat as an exception to the rule and I do hope that it will be that now as I enter a new chapter.
Your new friend - and what a wonderful picture - and the way you describe a friendship captures what the physicality of a friend is. Yes, we can have on line friends and far away friends but nothing compares to having someone who is near us.
This is a lovely post full of reflection and introspective thoughts.
Thank you

Anonymous said...

Half way - yay! And what joy to find a new friend.
I just turned 60, and although that number sounds a bit scary, it's really not. I still feel like I'm in my 20s and have a long list of things I want to do. I think staying busy doing the things you love helps the hours and years pass - happily.
It won't be long before your sweetie is home again!

Hilary said...

Hooray for new friendships. I'm glad you have someone with whom to share your thoughts and feelings while you're feeling alone, and later when you're not. I hope it's the start of a long, wonderful friendship for you.

Lovely sky.. enjoy them all.

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Zuzana,

You have shared a beautiful post and love the part where you said that happiness is made out of short beautiful moments and we are the ones who create them.
Friendship, is a wonderful thing and glad that you have met a friend for company.
Also good that you are half way there, hope the next half goes quickly.

Happy day

tony said...

Zuzana, Life Always Moves.Why Do People Pretend Otherwise?New Friendships Help Ease The Movement.Enjoy!

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

You are using creative ways to fill your time Zuzana...but it sounds like part of the adventure that is your life. I am thrilled you have made a new friend (isn't she lovely in her floral dress and sweater?) and to share a bottle of wine with a friend is such bliss!

Happy Weekend to you!

SandyCarlson said...

I am very happy for you that you have a new friend. Perhaps the solitude cleared the way for this opportunity. You are an inspiration to me in many ways. You have me believing it is possible to find love and it is possible to endure solitude. Keep on!

Unknown said...

Friends are very necessary gifts, Zuzanna! BTW...xoxoxo! ;)

Reading Tea Leaves said...

Dear Zuzana, this half-way point brings to mind the old proverb 'is the glass half-empty or half-full'. You are well on the way to a wonderful reunion with your husband and the worst part is behind you I feel.

Your new friend looks really lovely. I wouldn't be without my girlfriends, they are so important to me.

Hope you are well. I'm not blogging much these days hence my delayed comment.


Kat_RN said...

Once again my friend your post mirrors my own mood. My new job requires me to be away from my sweet husband during the work week. We have had to do this sort of thing on a temporary basis several times over the years. In the long run, I think it has made our relationship even stronger.
We know and trust each other better than anyone else.
Missing each other gives time to catalog all the things we love. Writing in emails has encouraged us to communicate on a deeper level.
As for the midlife, well lets just say it's not as much fun as my 30's were.

A Lady's Life said...

It's nice to have a special friend to do things with. My husband traveled a lot and I was very busy with kids and volunteer work the time flew by and then he'd be home again. The key is to keep busy and not dwell on time.
Otherwise it can be very lonely.
That sky looks on fire!! Wow!