Empty Rooms...

Last Candle Light

Empty rooms...
That is the last image of the white house imprinted in my memory.
Yet, also smiling faces of my new tenants ready to move in.
A deliciously melancholic mix.

Nevertheless, I have now left my former home behind, in the hands of a new family.
But not before I spend one very last weekend there getting it ready for the new occupants.
I was very appropriately alone, as my man was once again out of town through his work and this final stay was exactly as I envisioned it would be; strenuous, endless work mixed with wonderfully bittersweet recollections.

The house parted with me in style - I got to see a magnificent sunrise and a stunning late fall sunset. I watched a large red moon rise in the north and I enjoyed the warmth of the fire and the beautiful westbound views - all for one last time.
Finally, I lit one last candle in the old lantern, the one that once - those eighth years ago - held the first candle light when I moved in...

I got to say my good byes and now it is time for a new wonderful chapter in my life to start, one that I have been waiting for so long - my whole life it seems.
And I am looking forward to share it with all of you.

Sunrise, 12th Of November

Sunset, 12th Of November

Almost Full Moon, 12th Of November

November Rose.

Those of you who have ever been moving know that it comes across like an endless process. Particularly the ultimate phase, when one is almost done and then again not quiet yet and when long days turn into late nights and all that remains is total exhaustion.

I am in that last phase right now and thus I have not been able to visit any of your lovely places, for which I apologize. I hope to do so as soon as my life returns to a somewhat familiar routine, which will be shortly.

The house is though now almost empty. It's rooms echo my footsteps and the music streaming out of the radio, reminding me of the time when I moved in. Serendipitously this was also in the month of November, thus I feel my time there has come full circle.
As I was collecting the last of my potted plants from my back terrace the other day, just when dusk was settling over the neighborhood ending a foggy, drizzly late autumn day, I had to pause for a moment as a feeling of familiarity overcame me. The place came across so barren and deserted, so empty of life, just like it did those eight years ago.
Then I saw it.
A single November Rose blooming in all its splendor on my old rosebush, this late in the year, when everything else in nature seems lifeless.

It came across as a beautiful sign of hope and a sweet fragrant gift which the house bestows upon me as I say my farewells. A miracle of nature confirming the fact that everything in life is truly connected.

(I managed to take these two snapshots with my old Nikon Coolpix, which I had with me, just before it run out of battery.)

"U-haul".

Once again that time has come. I am now moving all my possessions, being in the process of packing all I own into boxes and hauling my belongings into storage, in close proximity of my new residence. I do this not alone however, but with the help of a pair of very strong and capable hands, belonging to a man that stole my heart and who has brought my way incredible happiness.
And who has given me a new home.

The white house on the hill is about to become definitely abandoned by me, as a new family is moving in - if only as tenants. New life is going to be housed within its walls, as the rooms will resonate with laughter of children and feelings of love. This notion calms my mind and lifts my spirits, infusing me with a content that thrills me on so many levels.

The past week has therefore seen me hard at work, as I (we) packed and sorted out and mostly disposed of all that junk that I have collected over the years.
It was incredibly liberating.

I have moved numerous times in my life. As a child, I was uprooted on many occasions by my parents, who possessed (and still do) the heart of gypsies and an adventurous mind. This must be qualities that I inherited as well - I have likewise traveled the world and have laid down my hat in many countries (and even two continents). Thus one can say I am at this point quiet proficient at relocating. Still, it does not get any easier and the stir of emotions is very much the same.

There is something very sentimental about ending something, no matter how much we long to see it end. It is a very odd sensation, when our dreams do come true. It feels highly exhilarating, yet concomitantly there is that feel of anticlimax, as if there is suddenly a void left behind in our perception, until we establish new desires and dream new dreams.

Thus currently I experience mixed emotions of excitement and happiness, yet as well a slight sting of melancholy and maybe a certain gentle sadness, as I part with my former home.
My white house on the hill has seen me through an important part of my life, one that has been filled with unforgettable moments and an immense personal growth, bringing me here where I am today. It has given me shelter and provided me with a safe haven, during my perpetual quest for happiness. It has seen me age almost a decade, through such intense years that defined me in a very profound way.

I embrace this recent change, because it feels good and so very right, something that is confirmed to me undoubtedly by each new day. I do not know what the future will bring, nor am I willing to contemplate that, as I relish in that uncertainty.
All I have is my past, which fills me with no regrets and my present which fills me with excitement. It instigates in me a thrill about what is yet to come, as I embark on a journey of a new fulfilling personal era.

'Darkness Is My Light'.

This somewhat ominous title is actually a small excerpt from the lyrics to a song made by the band Imagination, called "Hold Me In Your Arms". For those of you who might be interested, there is a clip in the end of this post.

I own their album Closer, purchased as a tape almost twenty five years ago and it is right now on constant reply in my car, keeping me company on my very long drive home each day - after dark.

I love this album and I love this song in particular.
I love it's soulful harmonies and the eighties sound and I enjoy endlessly the memories as they come streaming back, while I recollect my youth to the gentle beats and the so very catching chorus.

Additionally, the mentioned words seem to sum up the period of the year we have just entered in a truly eloquent way.
November, together with December, account for the darkest month here in the cold North. This is the onset of time when twilight rules our days and when indeed, "darkness is our light".

I have mixed feelings about the increasing lack of light. Driving home after the onset of darkness makes for a very unpleasant ride, particularly during heavy rain storms when all I can see through the windshield is a distorted play of lights, resembling a watercolor painting.

Yet the twilight holds also a certain allure, as it instigates a sense of rest. It indicates that everything in nature is now slowly winding down and a period of stillness is ahead. Thus it beckons us to do the same - to retreat to our homes and enjoy the subtle lights of candles and the company of our loved ones.

As I have grown older, I have found novel joy in each season. The darkness of November has truly too its function, if only to reinforce our joy in the month of June, the month of light, balancing out our reality and putting everything into perspective.

(All images in this post are taken on our recent trip across the Danish Islands and in our home.)

Ornate October.

As we exit the month of October, the stunning showdown in colours all around us is now so very apparent. This is fall flamboyance in all its glory, when trees, shrubs and bushes grow that beautiful attire of copper, gold and fiery red.

It often comes across as a certain theatrical finale - it is as if nature wants to leave us with the best it has got, enabling us to enjoy and savor its final glow, before it becomes infinitely barren, cold, dark and still.

This autumn beauty is very short and intense in my part of the world. At all times it sneaks upon us suddenly and the changes are powerful and fast. Every day more colours are added to our views and it is an endless joy to watch these grow in tint and intensity.

Indeed October is that ornate month, when nature wears its very best, as was truly obvious on our recent walk. It felt as if we were granted one last performance, before the foliage vanishes from the trees, compliments of the late autumn storms, making leaves gather on the ground like discarded party confetti.
When that time comes, then we will truly know that winter is about to begin.

(Please click images for a larger view)

Turning Foliage.

Our Indian Summer, which dominated the onset of this month, feels today only as a distant memory. Yet, it has contributed to a truly delayed colour showdown.

We are thus in the midst of a very short and a very intense turn, which I believe will last only a week at the best. It has been only days since the foliage began showing in all the earthy colours of red, copper and golden.
Below are some long overdue updates on our lovely birch. It has lost almost half of its lovely coat and whatever still adores the branches is golden. By each day, the strong westerly winds, with a force so very palpable in these parts, rob the tree of more of its leaves.

When I stand looking out of our kitchen window these days, I always have to pause, looking at the long branches as they sway in my view, like the mane on a palomino, while the air gets saturated by falling leaves, gathering on the ground in heaps, like golden coins. At all times these natural changes instigate in me a sense of security, as yet again the third season moves forward, as does the yearly circle of the birch.

(Please click images for a larger view)

Current Reflections.

I have been somewhat absent from my writing here, for which I apologize. The will is there, the time is simply not.
When I left the single life behind a few months back, I left a lot of free time behind as well. Nevertheless, it is a loss I do not miss the least. On the contrary, I have never lived life so intensely as I do now and yet I feel so much has the potential to still unfold.

I find myself currently in a state of content. It is a novel feeling for me. This does not mean that I lack worries or problems, oh, a far cry from that I must admit. As of lately I struggle with our persistently and increasingly declining personal economy, trying to keep two homes, one close to unsellable.
However, it seems not to weight me down too much nor does it keep me sleepless. Why? Because when fears overcome me, I have always a broad shoulder to cry on and strong arms to support me. And a kind, steady voice to reassure me that everything is - and will be - fine. At last I have a man in my life that makes me feel safe, because he is just like me; believing in the same values and seeing life as an endless adventure, one that needs to be lived and savored. He never makes anything into a problem and he makes problems into nothing.

I have realized that in life we never get it all. At least not simultaneously. There is always that last part that needs fixing. I guess that is destiny's way of keeping us on our toes. Giving us something to learn at all times. If we only persist and never loose hope and a positive outlook, the lessons we learn will lead us to places of incredible success.

I have also come to the conclusion recently that we need so little of material possessions in our every day life. I have now lived for months in my new home and all I have brought with me from the white house are some of my clothes and personal belongings. And I miss nothing of my "stuff". Every time I visit the house and see all those items that I have collected over the years, I wonder why I kept so much junk. Why do we do this? Why do we surround us with things we never use? Perhaps it gives us some sort of security, makes us feel connected to our life and to our past. Small trinkets and gifts we do not want to discard due to sentimental reasons, and perhaps the idea that they might come to use at one time. They usually never do.

Do you feel you know yourself?
I thought I did, but honestly, I do not. Sitting here today, recollecting the past year and all that I have done, I have ultimately surprised myself. I have changed so much in such a short time and my priorities have been totally redefined. However, I do not think it is a tragedy at all. On the contrary, I think not knowing what we might be like or want in a few years (maybe even a few months) is what keeps life interesting. It is a sign of an ongoing personal change. To have it all figured out at any time in our life would make for an infinitely boring existence.

Finally, I have decided to pay attention to signs all around me. I have always done so, but I have become infinitely more sensitive to what the universe is trying to tell me, whether I will be ridiculed for this or not.  The other day when I was driving from work, consumed by anxious thoughts, I looked out to see an incredible rainbow.  I found consolation in its glorious beauty as the arch put my mind to ease.

Thus I am no longer scared of pain or set backs, as I know that after the rain the sun will eventually come out. And during the transition time, the reward for our endurance is a glimpse of an alluring rainbow.

Frozen Dew.

We have now passed mid fall, thus the first frost covers the ground, clearly visible upon daybreak.
This past week, getting ready to hang up new washed laundry in the morning sun, I had to walk onto our lawn, which is now mid calf length - not that we care too much.

The air was still and cool and there was a promise of a beautiful sunny autumn day in store. Areas of grass not heated yet by the sun were covered by multitude of water crystals and beads of frozen dew - a stunning, nevertheless fleeting architecture in ice.

Nature is an endless source of magic. Just a couple of weeks ago, the sense of summer hang in the air, as spiders spun their webs among the slender green straws, covered with brilliant dew. Yet now they are long gone, and the ice in the grass announces in no uncertain terms that the countdown to winter has truly begun.

(Please click on images for a larger view)

Smokey Fall Moon.

I have had the most beautiful encounters with the growing moon recently. As some of you might know, I am infinitely fascinated by this natural satellite of the Earth.

This past Saturday evening, as we walked in the fresh autumn air, so saturated with a promise of the first frost, we passed a nearby park. As a clearing came into view, suddenly the moon was just there, right before us, in all its silvery glory, large and heavy lying low over the easterly horizon. Like a lantern in the purple twilight sky, reflecting the sun, which was setting in the opposite cardinal direction.
Holding my lovers hand, feeling his warmth and affection in that one simple touch, I became spellbound by this unforgettable moment, as it etched itself in my memory, preserved forever.

Earlier this week, driving home through heavy showers, upon my final approach, the skies cleared and to my east the same moon was rising. Significantly fuller, it floated occasionally within my views, while the sun kissed it good bye. I felt such an urge to capture its beauty, yet once again had no opportunity to do so, which filled me with remorse.

The next morning, upon my solitary run, as I defied the cold arctic wind, making my way towards the lake, an alluring sight greeted me. The almost full moon was setting in the west, reflected in the rippled waters like a large glowing globe, while the world was waking up to a pastel coloured daybreak. What a reward for venturing into a cold, dark morning. Yet once again, only mental shots were the ones preserving this ethereal beauty.

However, the next evening, as I looked out into a starry night, there was a bright moon shine in my immediate view, beckoning me outside, with camera in my hand. Governing the ebony heavens, positioned high above the ground, in its full phase. Occasionally concealed from view by fast moving clouds, it appeared to be left temporary behind a veil of smoke. Enchanted and magical, as it always is in my perception.

Despite having witnessed its presence in the night sky endless times before, its allure will never seize its hold on me, as I continue my perpetual love affair with this platinum disc in the celestial sphere.