The Three Things I Own.

Elizabeth and Me, in 2011

The allures of my blogging experience are many, but by far the most rewarding one is the multitude of friends I have made over the years.
Some of them I have never met in person and yet we have shared the good and the bad through the tides of time. I take part in their life as much they take part in mine, making me smile, cry and contemplate.

One of the absolutely profound and substantial connections I have made here have been with a Dutch Lady - a truly empathetic, poetic and gentle soul. An artist at heart, inspiring and passionate, she writes a lovely blog called Landanna.
Just like me, she is a foreigner in Denmark and have been my greatest confidant through the most intense and defining time of my life.
Although we only met once, the aura of that meeting will always illuminate my recollection.

Being busy moving to a new home this week, unable to update my online diary, I have invited Elizabeth to be my guest-blogger, to which she kindly agreed.
I hope you will enjoy her candid and poignant writing as much as I do.

Thank you Elizabeth for being you.

The Three Things I Own 
by Elizabeth at Landanna

A few weeks back my "little sister" asked if I was willing to write a guestpost for her since she was so busy with the move to her new home.
What other reply than yes could I give to my dear friend and partner in non-crime and silliness.

Sletterhage Lighthouse

Let me give you a glimpse of our friendship.
In October 2009, Zuzana and I met through her post about Sletterhage fyr, a lighthouse that has a special place in my heart.
Thus this whirlwind of kindness started to visit my blog - very soon we became friends and started writing each other daily.

Some days just some scribbles.
Other days the mails consist out of smileys, when we act more like teenage girls than back in the days when we were teenage girls. In a number of mails we gave each other a written handkerchief to dry our tears or make each other dance in front of the computer to the latest music of our heart. And then there were these discussions in which she did her best to persuade me to blog about that particular subject.
All of this without ever meeting - yes it took us three years before we finally took that step. Still, I have very fond memories of meeting my "Sweety" and her husband-to-be.

One of our favorite discussions was about The Three Things I Own, a piece I wrote a long time ago, but which somehow stayed with me.

"Leaf In The Wind"

The first one is my soul, the energy that makes me who I am, the energy that communicates with my environment, the energy that gives me the possibility of sharing my love with the world.

The second one, which is also my very own, is my body.
My body, the house of my soul, the storage place of my memories, the workshop of my talents, the only piece of my ownership that is palpable. My body is the first merit I am judged upon by others, since that is the first thing they lay their eyes upon.

The third piece I own is time.
This commodity is one everybody has, but no one knows how much time they have on this planet. Each minute can be our last one and still we feel immortal. How we spend our time is very important, not to reach the highest economical goal but the most fulfillment for ones soul.

"Changing The Landscape"

Our inability to survive on our own and the need to define ourselves makes us want to belong to a group of people with similar traits. If we don't find such a group, feelings of vulnerability emerge. Does this mean that if you find a group your worries are over? No, groups and their agendas change constantly, adjustments are needed, just to keep on fitting in. Still, each person we meet might be a teacher we are in need of. He or she tells us something, or makes different choices and the way we view this gift defines who we are.
Finding out what we need/want - but most of all what is uniquely ours to give to the world - is the journey through life.

Normally I'm not one that writes lengthy posts, since I'd rather tell my stories by holding my needle. I nevertheless hope you enjoyed yourself while I took you on a sailing trip through our friendship and Landanna.
Next week my little sister will be writing again despite of all the boxes she still undoubtedly needs to unpack.

Good luck Sweety!
All my love your big sis. e.

"Courtship, For The Love Of It"

Natural Scenes

Note: Images throughout this post (except the first two) depict Elizabeth's art and her photography.

Half Way There...

Simple Pleasures...

Leaving the first week of July behind, I am exactly half way into my ordeal. Thinking back over the past two months, I have mixed opinions about the speed with which they have progressed - some days flew by, while some felt endless.

It has gotten easier though, to be alone, however unimaginable I though that would be. Or rather, to be without the man that I love, as I am perfectly capable to be on my own - lets face it,  I have had decades of practice.

In any case, I have settled into and accepted my new reality, developing new routines, trying to find positive aspects of my involuntary solitude. The fact that it takes very little effort on my part to find allure in the mundane helps a great deal and I do fill my life with a multitude of simple pleasures. After all, it is my experience that happiness is made out of short beautiful moments and we are the ones who create them.

I have made a new friend and meeting this delightful woman has made me realize how much I have missed a close girl friend. Due to my cosmopolitan lifestyle, I have not had one for over a decade - not counting some beautiful friendships I made online. Still, there is nothing like being able to physically spend time with someone who lives just a block away and who genuinely enjoys my company. It has been endlessly therapeutic to have another woman to talk to - preferably over a glass of good wine.

My New Friend...

She has made me laugh, cry and contemplate and amazingly 

I am finding novel avenues of thinking thanks to this encounter, learning so much about myself. 

This reinforces my perpetual belief in the importance of seemingly random encounters we make in life and the sensitivity with which we should always approach the people we meet. They all have a part to play in our life and if we give them a chance, vital lessons await to be learned.

I miss my white house much less currently, if at all. Suddenly the returning recollections of marvelous skies and sunsets do not occupy my thinking any longer. I have realized that I love the uncertainty of my future. There have been times in my past, when life seemed so predictable and indefinitely planned. Living in my white house, I knew there was not much new that awaited to be experienced, if I did not choose to make it happen - an idea which filled me on many occasions with a sense of panic.

Today this is no longer the case. I can still feel the rise of panic within me, but that has to do with fear for the safety of the man I love or the need for his presence. At times I curse the profession he holds and the fact that a separation like the current one will be a continuous occurrence in our life. Yet, simultaneously I realize that I love the very essence that his absence will provide. It gives rise to the unexpected, fueling my life with endless possibilities, preventing it from growing mundane and leaving the future open and free. Additionally, I feel endlessly proud to be loved by and to be in love with a courageous man, whose reality is defined by honor, duty, chivalry and competence.

The Celestine Prophecy

Most of my possessions are still in storage and in my solitude I find myself missing some of them, mostly old photo albums and my books. Luckily though, I did take some books with me and the other day I randomly picked up one. When I read The Celestine Prophecy for the first time those eighteen years ago, it was one of the most profound books I ever came across. Today I know it shifted something within my perception and when I return to my own writing, I realize how much it has inspired me in the way I live my life. It will be endlessly exhilarating to read it again - I wonder whether it will still move me in the same way as it did when I was a young, naive woman.

Yes, I am half way there - in my solitude, but also when it comes to the bigger picture - my life. I read recently on the news that I find myself in most depressive stage in it, with the respect to my age. Those younger or older are infinitely more happy.
We are all familiar with the curse of the midlife crises and of course, I too feel its effects occasionally. I do know that certain dreams I have had will never come true, yet I also hold the power to shift my dreams and make new ones.

Looking back I am content with my past and hold no regrets - thus I only dismiss these kind of surveys with a smile. After all, I have always lived my life as an exception to the rule and believe that happiness is a state of our mind, not the state of our age.

My New Stunning Evening Skies...

One Good Friend.

“Everyone needs friends. At least one good one”.

I remember those words like it was yesterday, uttered by my very first online acquaintance.

I met her in the beginning of the nineties. Internet and online communications were in their infancy, yet I already then developed an avid interest for online communities, as suddenly a whole new world of interactions was opening up to my perception.

She became my real close friend for a couple of years, a confidant that I shared my thoughts with. There was something safe in the fact that I shared my secrets with basically a stranger, thousands of miles away from me, someone I never met, yet a living, breathing soul who could offer words of empathy and comfort.

Being far away from my established friends and my family, having left everything behind on another continent a few years prior, I realized that making real life friends as an adult was a task light years removed from the time when I was a child.

Me and My Best Friend in 1989

As a little girl I made friends easily. I lost them easily too, but in no time new would come along and I never ever recall being a solitary child or having the feeling of being left out. I had an overabundance of friends at all times; some were children I admired, some were those who admired me and then there was at least one good friend. My very best friend that liked me exactly for who I was and shared my innermost secrets and dreams with me. Already then I perceived easily how important this very fact was.

Once my parents immigrated to Sweden, our family went through a mental transition, one that deserves its own exclusive post. To leave ones country - what at that time was assumed as forever - is not something one easily recovers from and the experiences of immigration shaped my early teenager years.
Nevertheless, I still made friends. I found quickly that initially I was drawn to other children, which just like me found themselves as foreigners in another country. We were brought together due to our similar fate and felt unified due to our situation.
As time progressed and my family became successfully integrated in the new society and our new country became our home, as a teenager I slowly made friends with Swedish kids, even though I with amusement must admit that they all had foreign ties, in one way or another.

Me And My Sister In 1994

During this time, my sister became my very best friend. I recall still today our long daily talks. We discussed everything between heaven and earth and I always looked forward to finding her at home when I returned from school, as we would sit in mine or her room for hours, recollecting our day.

I kept my university friends when I started to work and when I moved away from home on my own, I had a well-established network with only a few friends, but still friends I liked and could count on. The phone was never off the hook and I never felt alone – in fact at times I wish I was.

When I left Sweden as a young adult and moved to the other side of the Atlantic, I quickly found myself in a situation that required solitude and discretion and making friends became suddenly impossible.
And then one day it just happened, as I went through life’s ups and downs, traveled the paths less traveled I found that as an adult I became scrutinized by others, at times viewed as threat and interference and felt unwelcome into new established friendship circles. At the best I could make brief and superficial acquaintances.
It dawned on me then that the connections we make as young are golden.

Whether it is the mindset of younger years, the ability to bounce back so easily or whether it is the will and interest to genuinely get to know people - nevertheless, childhood friends are the ones we should try to keep. There is something infinitely comforting to have known - and have been known by - someone for decades, to have followed them through life’s turmoil and to have shared so many unforgettable moments. It is a magic I will sadly never experience.

I still keep in touch with many of my old friends, those that I made during my teenage years. Still, life has brought us in different directions and the closeness we once felt is long gone. Today, after having lived more than a decade in a new country, I cannot state to have made many new friends.
However life has taught me that it is not the quantity but the quality that counts in the end.
Maybe that is the difference between the friendships we strike as young and the one we do as adults.

Me And Elizabeth

Thus I would like to dedicate this post to my one and only true confidant, my very best adult friend Elizabeth who has become my light in the dark – and serendipitously we met through our common love for a nearby lighthouse.
Her concern and genuine care has kept me sane through many recent storms over the past two years. She has shared my deepest secrets and I hers and her beautiful and unblemished mind and candid empathy has made me once again trust in the goodness of people, corroborating my belief that we should pay attention to who destiny brings our way. Each and every encounter has a higher meaning and the people we meet always have a role to play in our lives.

I have today reached the conclusion that we cannot go thorough life alone. As much as we need shelter and food, we also need love and companionship. And at least one good friend.

There are no rules that define a true friend; however often it is the hardship of life that shows us that true friendship can come from the most unusual and unexpected places.

White Stallion.

Recently I experienced a couple of days of absolute magic.

A weekend filled with unforgettable moments spend in the company of two special people -
my very dear friend Elizabeth, my greatest confidant and sister from another mother - and the man that makes my heart soar like an eagle. A man like no other, one that has changed my world around...

In my perception, happiness is measured by experiences that leave us wanting more. Time etched in our memory, creating recollections that will last a life time.

The weekend included a memorable walk near my home, on a beautiful evening, so very defined by the white light of Scandinavian summer nights and the vigor of the northern air.
As we walked towards the sunset, taking in the allure of the moment, our faces were caressed by vernal wind gusts and our eyes mesmerized by the sight of dramatic skies and breathtaking views...

At one point we made an enchanting encounter with a stunning White Stallion. This beautiful animal, full of stamina and vitality left an everlasting impression upon all of us.
A symbolic representation of purity, grace, endurance, loyalty, romance and chivalry - it in no uncertain terms illustrates so very eloquently the current state of my mind and the contents of my life...

(All the photographs in this post are taken by me, by the man that makes me endlessly happy and by my dear friend Elizabeth. Please click each image for a larger view.)