August 11, 2011

The Time Of Transition.

The last sun-rays of a late summer sun illuminate my face, while I sit on a sheltered patio in a place that was unknown to me just a few months back. Yet which today instigates in me a sense of security and familiarity.

Closing my eyes, trying to recollect all that has come to pass since I last time updated this online diary, I become overwhelmed by a wave of sentimental emotions, as I attempt to recapture in words the essence of my current state of mind.
A product of events which has come to define my reality in a surprising way.

On so many occasions recently have I found myself pondering with amusement the relativity of time. We can go on for years, even decades, stuck in routines and the same old tracks, while our days move uneventfully, melting together into a time frame that moves in slow motion. Yet contradictory, a span of only a few weeks can come across as if a lifetime has passed, when defining moments and significant changes alter our present.

As I have gotten older, some very important notions have become my life philosophy; to never ever loose the courage to make a change, to never grow cynical and to never loose hope. To always follow ones heart and to stay true to ones beliefs, being at all times willing to take a leap of faith, no matter what dark abyss stares back in our face. To never be deterred by mistakes and setbacks, sorrows and pain. I am fully convinced that in life we get our share of the good and the bad in perfect balance – it is only up to us how we choose to handle both.

These days, my white house on the hill stands quiet and abandoned. A FOR SALE sign adorns the lawn, while I am slowly moving all my possessions north, in order to start a new life with the man that I love. And his three wonderful children.

I am in a time of transition and as we all know, that can occasionally come across as slightly unnerving. I am leaving behind a decade of experiences and memories, as well as a life that will never return. I am parting with my old companions - solitude, independence and mundane routines of a solitary existence - those that were my reality for so many years. However much I disliked them at times, they were all I knew and thus every now and then I feel a certain sense of sadness realizing those days are truly concluded. Additionally, I feel a sense of apprehension about what is to come. My future is novel and as I am about to enter an uncharted territory, I know in no uncertain terms that hardship awaits, because I know every change is a combination of happiness and sorrow.

Yet, I am not afraid.

I feel excited and ready to open a new chapter in my life, which includes family and love. I am about to embark on a voyage of a brand new personal era, one that will bring my way novel adventures and experiences, which will enrich my perception and create unforgettable moments. I feel confidant and convinced that I am heading towards a rewarding future after so many years of standing still.

As the sun sets behind the tree tops, the skies no longer offer spectacular sunsets that I am used to witness from the windows of my white house on the hill. Thus a sting of melancholy, almost remorse enters my mind, as I will have to part with a place that I called home for so many years, a place that I loved with all my heart and soul...
But then I recall what a stranger once said to me;
“Home is defined by people, not places.
And ultimately by your heart...”

Just then, as my mind contemplates this statement, the distant laughter of children interrupted by the voice of a man that makes my heart skip a beat, both resonating from within the walls behind me, envelops me like a warm blanket, making me feel safe and endlessly happy - and then I know in no uncertain terms that I have indeed finally come home.

(Note: All images in this post are taken in my new home, some 90 miles north of the "white house on the hill".)


lilybets said...

I wish you a new gorgeus time, you are ready to live this new are right, every day we can change our life walking in another direction.Enjoy your voyage.

Elizabeth said...

Good luck on your new journey. A fabulous new man, three kids who have captured your heart and a new place to call home. I wish all of you all the love in the world because that is what you deserve.

S. Susan Deborah said...

Dear Zuzana, wonderful to read your post. Along with you, we will also miss the white house which has been the platform for so many of your blog posts: changing seasons, lights, trees and other aspects.

I wish you the best as you embark on a new journey.

I chose this Irish blessing just for you:

"Wishing you a rainbow
For sunlight after showers—
Miles and miles of smiles
For golden happy hours—
Joys at your doorway
For luck and laughter too,
And a host of friends that never ends
Each day your whole life through!"

Love, joy and hugs,

Kath said...

Welcome back lovely girl. My heart is warmed by reading about the love that surrounds you, in this new pahse of your life.
I wish you every happiness, you deserve it. The children who have you for a step-mamma are lucky indeed.

Snowbrush said...

Zuzana, even I will miss your old home as your photos and writing made it seem so charming. May you still find time to keep your blog up. I wish you well.

Mimi said...

Zuzana, welcome back!
I'm so excited for you, this is a wonderful new adventure you're embarking on.
I too will miss the white house on the hill, but in life there are always new things, and I agree that it's how we handle what's dealt us that counts, and indeed that makes a good life.
So, I'm raising my morning cuppa (on summer hols!love morning blogging!) to you and to your new life.
And i hope you'll find time to blog sometimes!

Colleen said...

Dearest Zuzana, my heart is so full for you. I wish you so much happiness and really feel your joyful confidence in the future as if it were my own. This post touches something very core in me...your hope speaks volumes and your strength is inspiring. I hope these don't just sound like shallow words because they aren't, I mean them. I wish you so much beauty and laughter. It is good to read of your happiness my dear friend.

Brian Miller said...

yay! sounds like your life is full of wonderfulness...i am so happy for you zu and hope that the house sale goes well and expediently so that you can rejoin the new family...look forward to reading more...big SMILES>

Julie Hibbard said...

Absolutely SO very happy for you, dear friend. Life is OH so good.

Margie said...

Dear Zuzanna
It's wonderful to have you back and how happy I am for you!
You are beginning a new journey and it will be fantastic!
It is fantastic now!

I know you will miss that white house on the hill but "home is where your heart is" and you are now "home"
Much joy to you!
May life always bless you!

Great pictures!

Margie xo

G said...

I`m so excited to read about this wonderful new chapter in your life.

It seems to me that when these things come to us, that what we have experienced before was preparing us for what was to come.

I wish you so much love and fun and adventure in your new home! I understand how you`ll miss your white house on the hill. Hugs to BatCat - how is he doing?


Anonymous said...

What a dazzling future you have ahead - an adventure with good and bad and laughter - and kids too! Hurray!

What about your job? Will you be commuting all that way still or looking for a new one.

Betsy Brock said...

This post just made me smile!!! So happy for you Zuzana! What a lovely new home and people you doesn't get any better than that! xo

Anonymous said...

Look who is back in "Pretty Blog Land"! And with delicious news too!

So many changes. So much strength you have shown, to make them. May they all continue to envelop you like a warm blanket. And may you always feel/know that you have come home.

Many, many gentle hugs,
'Aunt Amelia'
"Aunt Amelia's Attic" blog, now at Wordpress

Amanda Summer said...

dear zuzana,

i was so moved to read this post. i can sense your excitement at your new life, and your awareness of the passing of an era of your former life. i am in awe of your presence to stand at a crossroads and savor it - the ambivalence of it all and the sheer beauty of all that life offers.

blessings, my friend, on the road ahead. may it be filled with laughter, warmth and much, much love.

with love,



p.s. I am so happy to see you back in the blogworld - thank you for your lovely post over at my place!!

A Lady's Life said...

Zuzana congratulations!!
Nothing nicer than a house full of children
They bring lots of joy to people and I know suffering from empty
Having a wonderful guy to share the joy is a plus as well and for them to find a gem like you......well this makes it all perfect.

Enjoy and good luck for the future:)

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Zuzana! I am so happy to hear that you are loving your new adventure. Your new home looks so warm and friendly.
I can totally relate to what you are going through. I met the man of my dreams about 2 1/2 years ago...after many years of leading a happy single life. Now I have an even happier married life : )
I wish you great happiness and am so glad to see you back.

Sharon Lovejoy said...

My dear Zuzana,

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. To find love AND the bonus of three children. Your life will be filled with the chaos, joy, sorrows, and pleasure of those kids. I don't know what I would do without my step son and his two children. They mean the world to me.

I hope the white house sells quickly.

All joys,

Sharon Lovejoy Writes from Sunflower House and a Little Green Island

Dan said...

It's wonderful to see you back Zuzana!
It's amazing, as you say, how things can change so dramatically in the space of just a few months. I'm glad to hear that you are so happy and contented. It will be sad to leave your white house on the hill behind, but lovely to make time and space for a new adventure.
Every good wish my lovely friend!

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Dearest Zuzana,
How exciting--and what a change in your life, but it will be so full and abundant. You will still find quiet times of solitude amongst the joyous chaos. So my gift to you this day as you embark on your new life with your love--I have discovered the amazing site by Ann VosKamp. Just visit--I know you will love and appreciate the poetry she writes of living with many children and the blessing and quiet in the midst of glorious chaos. Be sure to click and watch the little video clip-I think you will love it!
Love & Hugs,

adrielleroyale said...

Wow, What wonderment you are seeing and experiencing!! I am so happy to hear of the FULLNESS and JOY you are experiencing!! :) May you have continued blessings come your way time and time again! Hugs!!! :)

P.S. You may have lost the sunsets, but the color has not left you - there is such beauty that surrounds the your new home!

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

It looks like a truly lovely and wonderful new place to be. Wishing you all the best as you start the next chapter of a beautiful life. Blessings, Tammy

SandyCarlson said...

I am happy for you that you have find loving companionship and a family, to boot. That is very beautiful. I wish you every joy in your new adventure many miles up the road from the big, white house.

Your words of encouragement sing to my heart and touch me deeply. It is indeed time to move on. Ready, set, go!

SandyCarlson said...

I am happy for you that you have find loving companionship and a family, to boot. That is very beautiful. I wish you every joy in your new adventure many miles up the road from the big, white house.

Your words of encouragement sing to my heart and touch me deeply. It is indeed time to move on. Ready, set, go!

Donna said...

Oh Zuzana, I am happy for you and wish you the very very best in your new life, your new surroundings and your new family.
Blessings to you my friend.


Sia Jane said...

Thank you for this <3

Bossy Betty said...

So wonderful to hear from you! I understand how, even with all the happiness you expect, this change would be still be a bit unsettling. Ah, but this is a good change! You sound so happy and so ready for the challenge. I send you hugs over the miles and look forward to new posts from your new home.

Lynne said...

Hi Zuzana, how lovely to hear from you. I was just thinking about you yesterday, or was it this morning?
What lovely news, what changes!
I wish you lots of happiness in your new home, with your new family, what joy! I also look forward to seeing some of your new surroundings. What exciting times for you.
Lynne x

bright star said...

Lovely to read your post! I wish you both and the children all the best. It is atrange having to move on and there are oten little fears that sneak in.What fun you are going to have. lol Angela

Anonymous said...

Wishing you the best as time continues to change us, our enviroment, bringing people into our lives to enjoy, love, and learn from. :)

A Plain Observer said...

well! this is quite a return! new life, new home, new love. New is exciting, but also challenging, and in new we find that we are not stuck in the past, our lives evolve and with it new dreams and in your case much happiness.

sprinkles said...

Wow, we've both had a lot going on while you were away, haven't we?

Congrats to you on your new life. I'm so happy for you!

I also feel slightly sad that you'll be selling your house on the hill. I loved that place. But I'm sure you'll be even more happy in your beautiful new home!

sprinkles said...

Almost forgot -- how is Batcat adapting to the move?

Reading Tea Leaves said...

Dearest Zuzana, I am so very happy for you! New home, love and a ready made family - this is truly a transition and one that you most definitely deserve dear friend. Thank you for sharing your news with such eloquence and grace.

It's so very good to see you back posting too. How is dear Batcat?


Rosezilla (Tracie Walker) said...

Yay! Love wins! I'm happy for you, and I agree, changes are melancholy loveliness! It's always nice when we were happy and content, and now we're even happier and on our way to learning a new kind of contentment. Look back with fond nostalgia, but look forward with hope as you make new memories! I'm so glad you're back, I missed you.

Myrna R. said...

Many blessings to you Zuzana and to your new family. All change is challenge, but without change we do not live. I admire your convictions and your courage to start anew, to love anew.

It's wonderful to have you here again, though now you write from a different vantage point.

Rajesh said...

Wish you Happy and Prosperous new beginning.

Baron's Life said...

Dear Zuzana,
I am so happy for you for you deserve only the best things in Life.
May you and your new family live in Happiness, Health and prosperity.
Cheers .

Holly said...

I cried when I read this. I am still teary eyed.

I can't help but remembering that two years ago when we corresponded by email, a family was your truest desire,... and now you have one! My heart is so full for you that I don't even know how to express it.

This man is soo blessed to have you, and you have amazing love, creativity, and knowledge to offer his children,... your children. I am overwhelmed with joy for you. (And I understand your sense of loss at bidding farewell to your old life.)

This is the future I always invisioned for you. The future you deserve. With noise and laughter, joy and chaos (much chaos ;) I speak from experience.) A man who really appreciates your worth, and soo soo much love!!!

Cheers Protege!! CHEERS!!!!

xoxox -Holly

SandyCarlson said...

By the way, I love that new photo of you on your blog!

tony said...

Hi Zuzana.An Exciting Journey! Change Is Always With Us.All We Can Do Is To Be In Charge Of That Process.You Are! I Am Really Pleased For You.It Sounds Like Your Entering A Wonderful New Life. X

Shruti Sheth said...

So good to see you back...All the best for the new journey!!!

Jerry said...

Zuzana, I am so happy for you....and comforted that you might be taking us on your journey with you. We have come here for comfort, and we have learned of your life and environs -- so we too are entering a new future with you.

Of all the people that I have met here, you are the one that truly deserves the wonder of a new and fulfilling life.

Can he possibly comprehend the blessing that he has found in you? I truly hope so.

Warmest hugs,


steviewren said...

I'm sending a most heartfelt congratulations to you along with a big hug! I'm so happy for you that your life has taken this unexpected course. I can't wait to read all about your new discoveries and adventures.

Unknown said...

Oh I and feel the joy in your words an I love the photo of the 5 shells... Your new family I'm guessing? Congratulation's on the new loves in your life and all that is in front of you!
many blessings!

Hilary said...

You know I wish you everything you wish yourself.. and more. Be happy, my friend. Welcome back.. and welcome home.


oh, i, like everyone else here, zuzana, am moved by this beautiful post - what an exciting time for you - and for your new family - and how poignantly you write of it all! beautifully said - what a magnificent tribute to you, to your life in your white house home, and now, to all your new beginnings! congratulations, dear lady!

Rustique Gal said...

Zuzana, welcome back to Blogland! I was glad to hear from you at Rustique Gallery. I'm so happy for you in your new life, and I understand your sadness at leaving your old life behind. A Buddhist phrase, "suffer what there is to suffer and enjoy what there is to enjoy" seems apt here, I know you are happy and I think your new life will soon fit like a glove.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

I am catching up Zuzana! Oh my! What wonderful news! I have to say though, that I will miss your little white house on the hill!

Does BatCat get to come too?

Zuzana said...

Lilybets (welcome), Elizabeth, Susan, Kath, Snowbrush, Mimi, Colleen, Brian, Julie, Margie, G, ladyfi, Betsy, auntie, Amanda, Lady, Ladycat, Sharon, Dan, V, adrielle, T, Sandy, Donna, Sia, Betty, Lynne, Angela, Tom, Myriam, sprinkles, Jeanne, Rosezilla, Myrna, Rajesh, Baron, Holly, tony, Shruti (welcome), Jerry, Stevie, Deborah, Hilary, J, Sherry and Jill – oh thank you so much my dear friends for this overwhelming expression of joy and encouragement and for your wonderful words full of warmth. What a lovely “welcome back”, it is so good to “see” you all again. And wonderful to meet some new faces as well.

Yes, I am starting anew, going through the motions, feeling excited and apprehensive all at once. But ultimately, when the day is done and I sit in the company of a perfect man, feeling infinitely happy, I know that I have in no uncertain terms found my safe harbour.

I hope you will all enjoy taking this new journey with me. I promise you it will be a ride. It always is with me.;)

Thank you once again everyone for always finding the time to visit me, I appreciate your poignant comments and your kindness.


Becky said...

Lovely post,I can relate very well to.The seasons bring change.Its a time for reflection for me.

Kat_RN said...

I am so very happy for you!
As is often the case with your writing, this post really speaks to me. I am in a rough spot and your words "To never be deterred by mistakes and setbacks, sorrows and pain. I am fully convinced that in life we get our share of the good and the bad in perfect balance – it is only up to us how we choose to handle both" seem to jump out at me.
Thank you for the reminder,