March 21, 2011
This Saturday I took a walk on a nearby beach.
It was a glorious spring day and I truly enjoyed the proximity to the vernal sea.
I find so much solace in the open waters, as I inhale the scent of the salty air and listen to the sound of the soft waves, while my eyes trace the misty sea surface where it meets the horizon.
As the sun caressed my face and I walked along the shore, at one point I turned back to see my own footsteps in the supple surf and got reminded of the infinitely enlightening prose about footprints in the sand. I am sure we all know it only too well.
I recall stumbling upon those inspirational words as a young girl and I wrote them down, to revisit them often in my life, when I felt lonely and troubled.
How much they thus resonate with me today, when I feel that I carry so much responsibility on my shoulders and I feel at times so alone and abandoned.
These days my thinking is preoccupied with contemplation that questions life itself. The whole meaning of it and my own existence here as well. My entire being is consumed by a spectra of contradictory emotions. Anything from awe, happiness and incredible joy to sadness, fear and anguish. Having made a decision, one that I do not doubt for a second, yet one that seems to effect so deeply and profoundly someone so very dear to me, is weighing heavy on my heart.
I find I am unable these days to concentrate my thoughts into one single meaningful post, as they are so scattered in so many directions. It is as if suddenly a door has been opened, one that I though was forever closed for me. And as I stepped through the opened doorway, I suddenly knew that my future took a new turn as a defining moment reshaped my life.
Even though I feel lonely, I am not alone.
The recent events have indeed showed me who my true friends are - and I realized that true friendship often comes from the most unexpected places. It also reinforced the importance of my family, that close knit unit, those incredible people who I have known my whole life and who have always been my shelter and my inspiration.
Ultimately, there is this enchanted force, the one that indeed carries me currently through the storm.
Maybe it is divine, maybe it is spiritual. Or yet again, perhaps it is my own inner strength - I truly do not know.
Still, when I looked upon those footsteps, I knew in no uncertain terms that I was no longer alone.
Nor would I ever be.