April 05, 2013

Siberian And Sunny.

Our first vernal month goes down in history as one of the coldest ever measured. Air streaming directly from Siberia has kept the atmospere frigidly cold and the ground snow covered - but our skies have been unusually sunny for weeks at end, accounting for a seventy year old record.
I have mixed feelings about the cold weather. Indeed it is unbearable when winter is endless, yet I rather have cold, sunny skies, then warm, rainy air.

Nevertheless, a change of seasons is in the process and spring has gotten one foot in. The sun is gaining in strength by each and every day and despite the temperatures hoovering around zero, I decided to bundle up and take a walk in our new neighborhood this past weekend.

We live at the outskirts of the town and thus very quickly I found myself leaving the residential area behind and I begun walking among empty fields. Despite the flat lands, the views came across as absolutely enchanting, my gaze tracing an endless horizon, as the vital sunshine warmed my face. Listening to the singing of the lark, a bird song so significant of these parts, I realized that vernal bloom was covering the surroundings and that unmistakable sense of spring saturated the air. That undefinable yet so tangible perception of awakenings at winters end.

My Walk
My hour long walk inspired me to take up running, something I gave up on last autumn. Thus just before sunrise, every morning this week, I set out onto the frost covered ground, into Siberian conditions, to greet a world that was still asleep. With the moon setting in the west and the imminent sunrise in the east, I ran on a path among barren fields, marveling at the natural beauty.
And as always, nature put my mind to ease...

A lot is occupying my thinking these days, some of the thoughts fill me with anxiety.
Somewhere deep within me there is a sadness gaining hold. The seasonal shift means that summer is getting closer and so is the departure of the man that I love.
Once again, we will be separated for four months and already now this weights heavy on my heart. Having tried it before is actually not making things any easier. Oddly enough, harder. I can only take consolation in my own strength, that one that I found last time around. And in the profound love that we share.

Thus new projects are being planned in my mind, to keep me occupied, the spirits up and the sinister thoughts at bay.
Gardening is on top of the list. 

Forgotten Hyacinths
Our garden is beautiful, but in a simple way and I definitely am not a simple gardener. There is a total lack of vernal bloom - no spring flowers adorn the flowers beds, something I truly miss. And yet, cleaning our greenhouse the other day, I stumbled upon a forgotten pot, left behind by the former owners. It was full of blue hyacinths. The bulbs have survived the winter and were blooming despite the lack of watering - I took it as subtle sign that everything will be well.

I am also planning to undertake a project involving a mural painting. There is a spot above the Provence inspired stove area in our kitchen, in form of a little alcove in the wall. It absolutely screams for a tranquil French still-life. I am indeed excited about the prospect of reviving my old hobby - painting. Right now I am in stages of planning and preparations, in search of suitable paint and motif.

Danish Passport
I have officially become Danish and that leaves me with a sense of a bittersweet finale. A door is closing upon the first half of my adult reality. Yet simultaneously another one is opening wide.
I went to a photographer having a picture taken for my new driving license and passport. I had to gasp when the photographer returned the images to me, as I met the gaze of a middle aged woman. What happened to that young girl that used to smile at me for a decade, every time I opened my old Swedish passport? I guess she is forever gone - but maybe that is not such a bad thing.

Aging used to bother me quiet a bit. It still does and probably always will, yet I have started to slowly surrender myself to time.
Would I like to be twenty again? I am not so sure. Life is short, yet the magic lies in its ephemerality. I have done exactly what I was suppose to do and what I wanted to do. I have no regrets and no need to go back in time.
Ultimately I will happily trade my youth for the privilege of unforgettable experiences and priceless knowledge.

Endless Views Near Our Home

The Same Views At Dawn - The Setting Moon
The Same Views At Dawn - The Rising Sun


Rahul Bhatia said...

That was a post full of realities of life which we have to face be it separation with loved ones or ageing but enjoying present is so important:)

Kath said...

Your love and your beautiful spirit is like a precious blanket around your Husband which will keep him safe when you are apart x

Elizabeth said...

What a beautiful pictures you made again Sweety. Glad to hear you started running again because that means things are getting back to normal after the move!

Congratulations Denmark, you got yourself a very beautiful and talented citizen!:)

Have a wonderful weekend with your husband, enjoy every minute of it!

Unknown said...

you have a beautiful way of being completely open with your life. How do you do it? I think it just comes so naturally for you. you also use words that I have to look up the definition. that is a good thing for me! have a great weekend my friend.

Brian Miller said...

i imagine that little girl is still in there...smiles....congrats on being danish...our weather is cooky....we got 5 inches of snow last night that no one saw coming...just when i think spring will be here...that mural project sounds cool...you will have to show us pictures...

S. Susan Deborah said...

The 20 year old must be there in some fold but now she is the strong and beautiful Danish woman who is in charge of her life and lives with the man she loves and adores.

The mural project sounds interesting. What are you planning to do? As Brian mentioned, we want to see the pictures once you begin the work.

Lots of love and hugs, dear Zuzana.

Joy always,

Anonymous said...

Those endless blue skies are just gorgeous!

With age, comes at least - a little bit of wisdom and peace...

Catherine said...

Throwing yourself into projects is the best thing you can do (and something I should try and do myself now that I am feeling stronger). We, too, are getting our weather from Siberia and so looking forward to warmer weather, time in the garden, walking in the beautiful countryside.

You are strong, Zuzana, and you will cope. It is true that what gives us the most joy, also gives the most pain.

A Lady's Life said...

Your place sounds beautiful and peaceful but I think the cold would get to me It's good for young people . I sit in either rain and dull weather or sunshine and heat lol
I am testing my ceiling fans now for the summer months. I prefer them to air con.
Well if you stay busy, the months will fly by. In summer you might even take a small vacation and be able to fly over and see him some where. I say thank God for Internet because you can still keep in touch and see each other over the camera
Makes distance irrelevant.
Not so in my time. Everything was expensive and took a long time.
Well my dear I am very happy about the wall project you are planning. I can't wait to see the finished wall. :):):)

Anonymous said...

Your photos are beautiful! Your run must be so nice with these views.
I like the idea of painting a mural. As Brian said, we would love to see pictures of your progress.
I know what you mean about the woman looking back at me in the mirror. Who is she? : ) But you are still very young, my dear.


how i've missed my blog visits to your beautiful place, zuzana - something i look forward to changing in the coming months - this post especially beautiful and meaningful to me - i had the same photographic experience just the other day when one of my daughters snapped me without warning - and when i saw the image, i, too, wondered of the whereabouts of that young gypsywoman with flawless everything - but, then, i see her and feel her every day and every way in the words that i write - the clothes i wear - the spirit of my soul - my laughter - etc - and so the gods appease me a bit - in any event, lovely post - wonderful images and beautiful story! ;) xxx

SandyCarlson said...

So much is going on in your life! I admire the spirit with which you address these changes. You are a marvel. Good luck with the running.

Ines said...

Good Morning, wonderful Zuzana!

I was very pleased about you lovely comment yesterday. I wanna let my hair grow and sometimes I am a little bit unsure, if it is the right decision. So your opinion came really right.

This morning I had the time to read and translate your long post full of so many thoughts.

I understand all your feelings. And always when I read such sad thoughts and different feelings I have the wish to take you in my arms to comfort you!

I think the long winter promotes , that we think too much about different things...

We all are the result of a long way and so many experiences. And I think, return to a earlier point in our life would make us poor, cause we carry all those experiences in our soul, this makes us really rich!

So look forward to your new decisions and hopes.

The best part of your lines was that you find the pot with flowers. So life shows you, that in every dark corner can be a surprise!

So lets enjoy every minute f life...

Hugs and kisses, Ines

Sumandebray said...

Life is a journey that moves on a linear path. So no going back to twenty alone will not be any fun.... It more fun to wait for tomorrow.
I am quite amazed the way you have planned for the coming days. Do share with us as the mural develops .. I would love to be part of that creation, what if I am just a virtual observer many miles away

Hilary said...

We don't get that choice.. of trading youth in for what we have now. All we get is what we have or a very poor alternative. I think you made the right choice of acceptance. :)

Amanda Summer said...

i connect with this post on so many levels. the process of aging and seeing our changing reflection in the mirror (or passport foto!) the need to connect with nature around us, and the honesty it takes to look at our own difficult and sometimes troubling emotions and try to discover their root. life goes in cycles and it seems you are entering a new one - leaving old identities behind and embracing new ones, renewing old projects and activities, like painting and running. you always seem so open to life and all its aspects, zuzana, and i know you will not only weather the uncertain days ahead, but you will transform them into a thing of beauty.


Rajesh said...

You live in a beautiful place. With a new passport there is beginning of new chapter in your life.

A Plain Observer said...

You have found running again! There is something beautiful about running, it's the best old friend, it always welcomes you back, it does not ask questions.
It has been extremely cold and windy here, too. It seems that winter never leaves. We all want to kill the Groundhog.
A mural is quite an undertaking! My daughter is going to school to be an art teacher and she has done some of them. So beautiful. can't wait to see your pictures.
Lovely post, Zuzana

adrielleroyale said...

Although it has not been as cold here as it has been there, we all ache for summer and all it's warmth - it seems like a right (the rightful timing of spring) that has been withheld from us ;) I have held off on taking my camera outside for pure disgust at the chill that still remains along with the way everything has turned into an icy swamp land from the hotter sun and freezing nights. Today I think I saw a hint of green among all the dirty browns but the most promising sign for me is the billowing white clouds that have returned - for those, I'll soon be breaking out my camera and sharing! I love your pics and can tell you from personal experience that the flat views just give the sky room to show off all the more on partly cloudy days :) I can't wait to see what all you discover and capture on your morning jogs! :)

Snowbrush said...

Your expansive views are like those of the American Midwest.

" I rather have cold, sunny skies, then warm, rainy air."

I'm glad you're in Denmark instead of western Oregon, USA, then because here we get about six months of almost daily rain followed by about six months without rain.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

The hyacinths MUST be a sign for you to carry on with your big garden plans...and as for aging...well...I defy it too...even when the reality of it stares at me from the mirror!

Rustique Gal said...

Your writings touch my heart. I do love the way you tell your stories and your feelings with such candor. Your pictures are lovely too. Spring is well on it's way to you. Enjoy what life has in store for you!

A Romantic Porch said...

OH my!!! How wonderful to find your blog and to think that I can sit right here in my chair all warm and cozy and travel around the world. Your blog and photos are so beautiful. Thank you so much for visiting me. I hope to see you again often.
xo rachel

SandyCarlson said...

This is great. I am glad you are running again. Your excursions have a beautiful place in your writing.

Your FB photo is a stunner!

Unknown said...

All in good measure, Zuzana! :)...xoxo!

Unknown said...

All in good measure, Zuzana! :)...xoxo!