June 18, 2012

Life Interupted, Yet Beautiful.

I spend the entire weekend writing.
I hoped the result would be a reflective prose, but reading it today, the words come across as gloomy, somber and melancholic. They do not flow and they feel negative - I guess they reflect the darker state of my mind and the gentle blues that hit me this past week.

I wrote about my involuntary solitude, and the negative aspects of loneliness and seclusion. About the lack of human touch over an extended period of time and what it does to our well being. How painful it is to miss someone we love and how unbearable it is to fear for their life every single moment of the day...
How sad it is to have life interrupted, being put on hold and paused and feel that time is standing still. How the absence of sun, the never ending rain, the darkness despite it being June bring on a strong sensory deprivation and momentary, but deep depression.

However, no matter how much I lament or wallow in self pity, one fact remains: this is my life. It might feel interrupted and at times very wrong, but right now it is all I have got.
Additionally, I have so much more. The sinister thoughts that cloud my mind occasionally prevent me from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

My writing is an outlet and a release, not just of the creative kind but also of the healing kind. Any form of sadness that I put down on paper, or screen, seems to leave me and the act of illustrating my emotions with sentences is the best form of therapy.
There is not always a need to share it with the world.

Thus instead of prolong words of sadness and complaints, let me leave you with a picture that brought a smile to my face this weekend. Watching felines relax as if they do not have one single worry in the world puts even my mind to ease and reinforces the belief that life is indeed beautiful, at all times.


Betsy Brock said...

Oh, Sammy does know how to relax. haha. I had 6 cats under the dining room table looking like that last night! haha.

I'm sure there is something therapeutic about writing out your thoughts and feelings even when you're feeling lonely and negative. And even if you don't post them, I'm sure it was healing in a way to you.

So, how many more days of solitude? Each day the end is a bit closer! :)

nyssa said...

Oh my goodness that beautiful cat!! animals are therapeutic too. i don't know if i've ever commented before on your blog but i love it. i love the way you express yourself and i can relate on so many levels. i'm so glad i found your blog. ~glynis

Sia Jane said...

This was so beautifully written.
Thank you <3

Elizabeth said...

Thinking of you!

Kath said...

that pic of Sammy put a big smile on my face!
I know a little of what you describe with my husband working away from home. It is only for 4 days (3 nights) a week, but we're only half way through the 6 month contract.
We are both finding it hard, but every day I think of you, while you have to endure more than 3 months of complete separation.
It seems like an age, I know XX

bright star said...

This can only make your love stronger and it will soon be over. I understand that when you have found the love of your life you want to be with them as much as possible. I do feel for you but I also get that you are a strong woman and will cope until he returns. love to you Angela x

Mimi said...

Zuzana, I admire your acceptance and tenacity.
I'm terrible at acceptance; if things aren't how I like them, I fight it all the way! That's good for things you can change, not so good for the things you cannot change!
I'm glad that writing your blog helps. It is a lovely read, whatever your emotional state.

Donna said...

Thinking of you, Zuzana. I hope you have sunny days ahead.


Brian Miller said...

smiles...i admire that about cats...they can relax anywhere and in the most unusual positions....and the loss of human touch is debilitating...think of those that live with out it daily...it physiologically stimulates our healing and blood flow...but also makes us feel wanted as well...i feel for you zu...i spent those months working away from my fam...know that he misses and aches for you as well...i know i did for mine over that time....hang in there...smiles.

A Lady's Life said...

Oh my he sure looks cozy and happy, stretching , not a care in the world.

I think only people worry about everything.
I did and still do my share of it but there is nothing one can do except leave it to fate and pray it will all turn out well as it should.
He is also probably feeling the same way wherever he is. There is no place like home so keep a candle in the window to light his way home.:)

Rahul Bhatia said...

Zuzana, am sure you will find things interesting and the loneliness would soon dissipate:)

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Zuzana,

I often think with a tapestry that it takes the dark threads too, to make up the complete look.
Hope that the sun will shine and you are able to have a lovely week


SandyCarlson said...

I appreciate your honesty. It is what it is, to be sure. And solitude isn't always welcome. I have a friend who says discomfort can be good. The thing is to notice it for the catalyst it is and go with it. He's more right than I want to admit sometimes.

Thank you for this post.

Hilary said...

You're sad because you're missing a wonderful part of your life... at this moment. Rejoice in knowing that this moment will change and become part of your past. Then that moments will be joyous, once again.

Sammy looks absolutely adorable!

Anonymous said...

Animals can teach us a lot about living in the moment.

I feel for you and am hoping your blues will lift soon.

BTW, we do get white nights here in Sweden. And as we're farther north than you, the nights are light nearly all the time right now...

Anonymous said...

Awww...Sammy is a cutie : )
Sometimes it is very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And sometimes it seems like time will never pass. But it will, that we know for sure. I came across a quote last week and printed it out and have it here on my desk. I am a worrier and am working on doing it less. I don't know who to credit for this quote, but hope it helps in some small way.
"She made the choice to listen to the music in her life more often than the negative voices of worry, stress and fear. The beauty of that one choice took her breath away."
As i said, I am working on this, but still a work in progrss.

Unknown said...

Zuzana: I read your words carefully and then read the comments. I agree with Hilary completely. Know that this is natural, and that you matter to so many! :)

Colleen said...

Dear Zuzana, I can feel the strength in your words. I wish you the ability to find continued joy in the days to come. I also think that writing is therapeutic and perhaps even just the release of your feelings to paper (or computer screen:) helps heal your soul in some ways.

I've missed you my friend!

lilybets said...

I can't understand you very well,but I can imagine the hole in your life,to loose someone part of your heart and to go on it will be so difficult that a part of yourself will remain blocked, as died and your mind will follow your lover.Big hugs.

Rajesh said...

Do not worry much. It will be Sunny day again.

Maggi said...

Putting our sadness and anguish into words can certainly be cathartic. There is nothing like a cat to teach us how to relax and enjoy life.

Rustique Gal said...

Zuzana, What a great picture of your kitty! I love when they pose for us! Cats and dogs are always there for us when we feel sad.
I know you will get through to the other side of the tunnel, so to speak, soon! The time will pass and things will change for the better. Wish we could go to lunch and chat! Virtual hug!

Sandi McBride said...

I think we all write to banish ghosts Zu...the exorcism is helpful and your writing is beautiful...and so is Sammy...but then you knew I'd say that...

steviewren said...

Hugs and smiles are being sent from me!

I know how you feel about your writing being reflective of your heart right now. I am always amazed to realize that the faces I draw always seem a bit sad to me. I guess I am always a bit sad, even when good things are happening. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. I miss the human touch too.

Adriano said...

Wonderful!!! Zuzana!

Your Blog, is very brautifu,
Happy blog!

Good week!

I'm following you! let's be Friends?


A Lady's Life said...

Here you are still hugging and here we are still ready to keep you company lol

Have a nice evening :)

Catherine said...

I hope this time of separation will soon pass and your reunion will be doubly sweet x

Myrna R. said...

Zuzana, I missed this tender post. I hope the mood has lifted, at least a little. I know it's so hard to miss someone. It hurts.

Nice that you try to find something positive within the darkness.