January 10, 2013

What's Another Year...

Returning from my extended absence, I find it somewhat difficult to adequately begin the very first post of this year.
I have drafted so many over the course of the Holidays, yet finding no opportunity to polish my writing into an acceptable format due to lack of time, it slowly became outdated and obsolete.
Additionally, I am experiencing an unexpected decline in my language skills. Despite the fact that I can express myself in five languages, English has until now been without a doubt the one I master the best - I can speak it fluently, write it with ease and I can use it to convey all aspects of life - both personal and professional.

I became proficient at speaking English during my years in the US and continued to excel in it while conversing on every day bases with the Irishman.
Today however he is long gone from my life and instead I find myself talking exclusively in Danish with my husband, my extended family and the kids. Slowly I begin lacking words and writing has become cumbersome, as a new vocabulary takes over my thinking.

It is odd, being in this linguistic no man's land, even though I have tried it numerous times before. Yet in my adult years I no longer posses the brilliance and speed of a young mind. Thus eventually, I can never fully master the novel tongue, while the old slowly begins to disappear into a vocabulary abeyance.
Being multilingual is a blessing and a curse.

Still, my love for writing is always there, simmering in the background. I thoroughly enjoy putting down my thoughts into words, documenting my life in the process, even though very little life altering wisdom can be perceived in my reflections these days.
Today I do more living than thinking.

Thus as the two faced God Janus once again seizes the reign over our world, I wonder what is in store for me as I set out onto a novel voyage through another set of pristine twelve months. Looking ahead, there is so much anticipation; a new home, perhaps a new job. The future seems undefined and adventurous.

Yet simultaneously, it comes across as unsettling.

By the time summer reaches its peak, I will once again see the love of my life temporary leaving me. Having tried it before, I know what to expect - many sleepless nights, torment, anguish and longing. Even though our forthcoming separation might be nothing like the last one, I brace myself for the hardship of yet another set of four months without him by my side, while I will try to find the courage deep within to be the woman he needs me to be, allowing him to fully concentrate on what he has been trained to do.
Having lived on my own more than half a life time I have no problems with solitude. In fact, I am very peculiar about the people I associate with and I rather be alone than in crowds.
With this said though, never before have I had such a desire to constantly crave the company of another human being, as I do my husband's. I covet his close proximity, his touch and caress. I miss him intensely even when we are apart for a day.  
"You're different with him. He moves, you move. Like magnets..." - an excerpt from a dialogue in the Twilight Saga series, no other set of words could more adequately describe my own romance.

Looking back, I conclude that so many years in my past have come and gone, melting together into this undefinable span of time, vanishing into oblivion. I like to believe that these were not wasted, but served a purpose in their own right, becoming an intermission in my life, when days progress in slow pace and when my being did strive to renew itself, while in pursuit of my dreams.
I carry a few such years in my suitcase and will without any doubt encounter these in my future.

Yet I also carry the memories of years that defined me, changing the course of my personal history, compelling me to set out onto epic journeys. These did not always end well, yet they were full of adventures and paramount progress. I feel that a lifespan that alternates the period of action with period of leisure and lethargy, is full and complete.

As I so perceptively perceived a couple of years ago, the period of the latest stagnation has passed and I have entered my personal golden age.
When - if - I once get the privilege to look back upon this part of my life, I will always remember it as one of the happiest. It will go down in my recollection as the most intense and vibrant.
I will always view it as the onset of my very own 'Age Of Aquarius'.


Maria said...

I've just been remembering you and your post came up in my Reader. How lovely. Happy New Year Zuzana.

Brian Miller said...

ugh i am sorry that you have this to look forward to again...hopefully not quite the same as the first time...but i would in no way look forward to it actually...smiles....interesting on the languages...i guess it is like any muscle unused it will atrophy over time....happy new year to you zu...i hope that is brings plenty of joy for you and your family...

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Zuzana,

Beautiful post and writing and I liked that you said the you were going into the onset of your very own Age of Aquarius.
Wishing you all the very best for good health and happiness in 2013.
Thanks for visiting me and your kind words and friendship.


Anonymous said...

So many new beginnings to look forward to in this new year. Your new home will be very exciting. Things are constantly changing. Your personal golden years will only keep getting better. Joyous new year to you!

Myrna R. said...

Zusana, it's always so nice to read your inner thoughts, fears, joys and sadness. It seems life is a jumble of all those things. I know how wonderful it is to share it with someone you love. There will be many trials and changes, but as long as you remain together in spirit, all will be well. It will.

A Bit of the Blarney said...

I so enjoy reading your posts. They are so wonderfully personal. I'm not posting yet this year. For the 1st time in 5 years of blogging I find I have nothing to say. Perhaps it will return! God Bless!!! Cathy

Rahul Bhatia said...

Being multilingual is certainly an asset and something to be proud of, Zuzana! Wish you have a very happy and funfilled year:)

Phivos Nicolaides said...

Happy New Year!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so glad you're in your golden age and allow us to share glimpses of your happiness!

Kath said...

I look forward with pleasure to sharing many more years with you, my lovely friend xx

Happy new Year to you and your gorgeous husband and family, I'm sure 2013 will bring many new and wonderful things xx

Rajesh said...

Wish you and your family Happy New Year!
I always enjoy reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

Your writing in English is so much more eloquent than anything I could ever write. And I only know English. :)
Happy 2013, Zuzana!
~ Zuzu

Catherine said...

Zuzana, I feel humbled that you express yourself so beautifully in English, when most of us struggle with just one tongue and you speak five.
Enjoy your golden age. Nothing on the journey through life is wasted and we need fallow times - just like the seasons - and times of growth.
I hope 2013 will be a very happy year for you x

S. Susan Deborah said...

Zuzana, great to see a post finally. I'm sorry to hear that he is going to be away but do keep your spirits up by writing and loving the children. And, you write so well that it is hard for us to believe when you say that language does not flow now as it used to before. How is Batcat? Long time since you reported about him.

Have a wonderful 2013, dear Zuzana. Big hugs and much love.

Joy always,

Snowbrush said...

I'm so glad that life continues to go well for you, Zuzana.

SandyCarlson said...

I am glad the love of your life engulfs you to such a degree. That is beautiful--and so is your English!

Anonymous said...

Your posts are always so interesting! I love to hear of your life's experinces. I admire you for your language skills. I only speak English so I'm always intriqued when taling with someone is multi-linguistic. Looking forward to you sharing more of the Scandanavian culture with us in 2013!!! LT

Unknown said...

No worries, your writing still communicates on many levels. I am enjoying a day with my love and you reminded me once again how lucky I am. Just being able to reach across the table and touch his hand is a gift.
If you ever decide to publish your life story let me know, it would be a great read.
Cheers Kat

A Lady's Life said...

lol languages are like that. But you remember very quickly once you get to doing it again.
The brain doesn't like the flip switch.lol
Saying goodbye is always hard. I remember how much it hurt me to do that. Now he's home all the time and I say why don't you take a trip lol
But with so many changes in technology, people don't need to travel that much anymore.Thing is, you get used to it. But you go to work every day, so this is change right there, unlike myself who stays home.Sometimes a little bit of space goes a long way lol

Elizabeth said...

It is such a joy to read over and over again about your love, just so moving that you found that one human being you want, need beyond anything. A lot of new adventures lay ahead and one thing is for sure, you definitely know the language of love.

xoxo e.

Unknown said...

Happy New Year to you Zuzana! xoxo!!

Amanda Summer said...

i too am struggling with ambivalence my friend. seems like these situations go in cycles in life and present us with new lessons to learn. i am excited to learn about your possible new job, though!

i am so impressed by your language skills - knowing 5 is such a unique and important talent. but as elizabeth said in her comment above, you do know the language of love, the most important!

with many blessings my friend, from another memory embracing cancerian,


Sandy said...

I only speak one language, English, and not as well as you do Zuzana!!! You are amazing. I took French in high school and loved it. My Mom's paternal side of the family is from France by way of Canada and then into New York and finally Detroit was she and her siblings were born. I tried Spanish in college but was horrible at it. The professor even made fun of me in class. Needless to say I returned to French classes after that. LOL! Enjoy your "age of Aquarius" dear friend.

Jerry said...

We now have learned a bit more about you, and understand you more. You are a private person and hesitate to reveal your depth. And your narrative was one of beauty...both in thought and expression.

You haven't lost your English writing skills. Your words are as warm as ever.