Half Way There...

Simple Pleasures...

Leaving the first week of July behind, I am exactly half way into my ordeal. Thinking back over the past two months, I have mixed opinions about the speed with which they have progressed - some days flew by, while some felt endless.

It has gotten easier though, to be alone, however unimaginable I though that would be. Or rather, to be without the man that I love, as I am perfectly capable to be on my own - lets face it,  I have had decades of practice.

In any case, I have settled into and accepted my new reality, developing new routines, trying to find positive aspects of my involuntary solitude. The fact that it takes very little effort on my part to find allure in the mundane helps a great deal and I do fill my life with a multitude of simple pleasures. After all, it is my experience that happiness is made out of short beautiful moments and we are the ones who create them.

I have made a new friend and meeting this delightful woman has made me realize how much I have missed a close girl friend. Due to my cosmopolitan lifestyle, I have not had one for over a decade - not counting some beautiful friendships I made online. Still, there is nothing like being able to physically spend time with someone who lives just a block away and who genuinely enjoys my company. It has been endlessly therapeutic to have another woman to talk to - preferably over a glass of good wine.

My New Friend...

She has made me laugh, cry and contemplate and amazingly 

I am finding novel avenues of thinking thanks to this encounter, learning so much about myself. 

This reinforces my perpetual belief in the importance of seemingly random encounters we make in life and the sensitivity with which we should always approach the people we meet. They all have a part to play in our life and if we give them a chance, vital lessons await to be learned.

I miss my white house much less currently, if at all. Suddenly the returning recollections of marvelous skies and sunsets do not occupy my thinking any longer. I have realized that I love the uncertainty of my future. There have been times in my past, when life seemed so predictable and indefinitely planned. Living in my white house, I knew there was not much new that awaited to be experienced, if I did not choose to make it happen - an idea which filled me on many occasions with a sense of panic.

Today this is no longer the case. I can still feel the rise of panic within me, but that has to do with fear for the safety of the man I love or the need for his presence. At times I curse the profession he holds and the fact that a separation like the current one will be a continuous occurrence in our life. Yet, simultaneously I realize that I love the very essence that his absence will provide. It gives rise to the unexpected, fueling my life with endless possibilities, preventing it from growing mundane and leaving the future open and free. Additionally, I feel endlessly proud to be loved by and to be in love with a courageous man, whose reality is defined by honor, duty, chivalry and competence.

The Celestine Prophecy

Most of my possessions are still in storage and in my solitude I find myself missing some of them, mostly old photo albums and my books. Luckily though, I did take some books with me and the other day I randomly picked up one. When I read The Celestine Prophecy for the first time those eighteen years ago, it was one of the most profound books I ever came across. Today I know it shifted something within my perception and when I return to my own writing, I realize how much it has inspired me in the way I live my life. It will be endlessly exhilarating to read it again - I wonder whether it will still move me in the same way as it did when I was a young, naive woman.

Yes, I am half way there - in my solitude, but also when it comes to the bigger picture - my life. I read recently on the news that I find myself in most depressive stage in it, with the respect to my age. Those younger or older are infinitely more happy.
We are all familiar with the curse of the midlife crises and of course, I too feel its effects occasionally. I do know that certain dreams I have had will never come true, yet I also hold the power to shift my dreams and make new ones.

Looking back I am content with my past and hold no regrets - thus I only dismiss these kind of surveys with a smile. After all, I have always lived my life as an exception to the rule and believe that happiness is a state of our mind, not the state of our age.

My New Stunning Evening Skies...