August 11, 2011
The Time Of Transition.
Closing my eyes, trying to recollect all that has come to pass since I last time updated this online diary, I become overwhelmed by a wave of sentimental emotions, as I attempt to recapture in words the essence of my current state of mind.
A product of events which has come to define my reality in a surprising way.
On so many occasions recently have I found myself pondering with amusement the relativity of time. We can go on for years, even decades, stuck in routines and the same old tracks, while our days move uneventfully, melting together into a time frame that moves in slow motion. Yet contradictory, a span of only a few weeks can come across as if a lifetime has passed, when defining moments and significant changes alter our present.
As I have gotten older, some very important notions have become my life philosophy; to never ever loose the courage to make a change, to never grow cynical and to never loose hope. To always follow ones heart and to stay true to ones beliefs, being at all times willing to take a leap of faith, no matter what dark abyss stares back in our face. To never be deterred by mistakes and setbacks, sorrows and pain. I am fully convinced that in life we get our share of the good and the bad in perfect balance – it is only up to us how we choose to handle both.
These days, my white house on the hill stands quiet and abandoned. A FOR SALE sign adorns the lawn, while I am slowly moving all my possessions north, in order to start a new life with the man that I love. And his three wonderful children.
I am in a time of transition and as we all know, that can occasionally come across as slightly unnerving. I am leaving behind a decade of experiences and memories, as well as a life that will never return. I am parting with my old companions - solitude, independence and mundane routines of a solitary existence - those that were my reality for so many years. However much I disliked them at times, they were all I knew and thus every now and then I feel a certain sense of sadness realizing those days are truly concluded. Additionally, I feel a sense of apprehension about what is to come. My future is novel and as I am about to enter an uncharted territory, I know in no uncertain terms that hardship awaits, because I know every change is a combination of happiness and sorrow.
Yet, I am not afraid.
I feel excited and ready to open a new chapter in my life, which includes family and love. I am about to embark on a voyage of a brand new personal era, one that will bring my way novel adventures and experiences, which will enrich my perception and create unforgettable moments. I feel confidant and convinced that I am heading towards a rewarding future after so many years of standing still.
But then I recall what a stranger once said to me;
“Home is defined by people, not places.
And ultimately by your heart...”
Just then, as my mind contemplates this statement, the distant laughter of children interrupted by the voice of a man that makes my heart skip a beat, both resonating from within the walls behind me, envelops me like a warm blanket, making me feel safe and endlessly happy - and then I know in no uncertain terms that I have indeed finally come home.
(Note: All images in this post are taken in my new home, some 90 miles north of the "white house on the hill".)