November 21, 2011

Old Reflections Upon New Windows.

My life is slowly returning to somewhat routine tracks, yet again, not quite. I have entered a novel existence and I guess it only dawned on me first very recently that I have truly moved on.

I have lived in my new home for almost five months now, however it was first after I removed all my possessions from the white house, seeing it become a home to someone new, when I realized that the familiar and safe has been left in the past. It is as if I have waited for a very delayed departure and am finally preparing to lift off. Being now beyond the point of no return, it will be endlessly exciting to learn whether my new found wings will indeed bear.
I am not alone though. For the first time in in a very long while do I not feel alone. I have found a partner, who is like a steady and strong jet stream in the sky and who will keep me airborne.

It is somehow so refreshing to be at last in a relationship with a man who is so relaxed in his own skin and who makes me feel safe and secure.  I have realized today in retrospect that all the men I was ever seriously involved with - however great they all were - never really knew what they wanted - with their own life or with me.
More sadly, they all had strange and hidden insecurities and they own agendas and even though an infatuation, I was not really ever their priority. Thus I kept on struggling (sometimes for years) to make it so, trying to make something out of nothing, until I eventually realized that I had to walk away. Each time I kept wondering whether a man existed to whom I simply would be enough.

Today, in the light of my new reality, I can conclude that relationships when they are right, take no effort whatsoever - no matter what people say. As with anything that is alive, they will only strive if nurtured and cared for - but that is in my eyes not effort but the essence of being in love. And additionally a great deal of fun, despite some challenges.

It is amusing to watch how we humans adapt. I have been through many changes in my life and today I am so aware of the process, paying so much more attention to it, then I ever did before. We are all creatures of habit and thus I too am slowly adapting certain habits and routines in my new home, as I have done in some many homes before. There is a difference this time around as I have never before lived with children.
They are not my children, yet I love them more by each passing day. I endlessly enjoy the time when we are all gathered around the dinner table and I listen to their vivid story telling and laughs, watching them with their father. Their occasional presence in our house brings into my life that joy that was missing in it at all times, that innocent perspective and a fresh outlook. I savour those stolen moments, when I get a glimpse into what could have been, if my destiny wanted otherwise. At times it leaves me with bittersweet tears, but ultimately, it brings my way a sense of endless happiness and the realization that a family comes in all shape and sizes and that our children do not have to be our flesh and blood.

This in its turn has made me realize that everything in life unfolds the way it should be and that all will eventually
BE FINE
I worry less about petty things and as I relax, events simply unfold, setting everything in the right direction, without my effort. There is something in the saying "to go with the flow". On several occasions recently have I found myself in certain dispositions, but I simply refused to let these situations bring me down. Eventually they all resolved on their own, to my great astonishment.

If we keep thinking positive, positive things will come our way - I have touched upon this subject before, but as of recently this is becoming the foundation to my thinking. My old reflections now viewed upon new windows make me see my life in a truly new light.
And at last I like what I see.


 Images: Photobucket, except top one

29 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Ofcourse you like what you see with such a handsome, .... man. Now the moving part is over although some unfinished boxes are maybe still standing around waiting to be unpacked.

A new beginning for the rest of your life and I hope you two will enjoy each others company for a very long time.

Have fun today.

Elisabeth said...

It has been a joy to read about the blossoming of this new relationship, Zuzana and as someone who's been in a relationship for some 34 years i can attest to the significance of feeling safe with a person, for all the ups and downs. And children add to the mix, whether your own or another's. As you say they offer that fresh and young perspective which can help to keep you in touch with your own child self.

May many more happy years lie ahead for you, Zuzana. It sounds as though you're settled at last.

Rahul Bhatia said...

Zuzana, good to see you back with such a meaningful post about importance of understanding in a relationship. 'Go with the flow" so well summarized!

A Lady's Life said...

I am so happy for you Zuzana.
I am happy you found love, friendship, trust and family.
And yes it is difficult but you have to go with the flow and que sera sera. Nothing is written in stone.
We do the best we can and hope for the best in return.:)

Kath said...

You are surely the most wonderful (step) mother in the whole world xx

Brian Miller said...

smiles. you seem to be finding the new rhythm to life well zuzana. the inclusion of children this time will add a new element of fun...smiles...it does not take effort to love, but it does take work at time as we continue to grow in that relationship...

Sandi McBride said...

Well Zuzanna, I prefer to think of this wonderful road that you are now on as "coming into yourself" than maturity...for some reason maturity always turned me off, lol...I like the you that you have fashioned, but more importantly, YOU like the you that you have fashioned! Note my new look, it's for my new blog (a second blog not a replacement blog) and I just had to put you in as one of my favorites here, too
love to you
Sandi

LadyCat said...

Life does take us down unexpected paths that lead us to where we are supposed to be. When things are right for us, they just fall into place. That is fate at work. I am so happy that you have settled into your new surroundings and family. You deserve much happiness : )

Hilary said...

Things do indeed unfold as they should. I'm glad you are finding peace and happiness at last, my friend. Hugs to you.

And I hope we'll hear more about your man as your relationship evolves.

sprinkles said...

You really do sound happy!

I think life takes us where we're supposed to be when we're supposed to be there.

I hope that I one day find the peace and happiness you've so obviously found.

Snowbrush said...

I just don't know about that no-effort part, not having experienced it myself. I invariably find that casual friendships are easy, but intimacy is hard. That said, I am so happy to find that your new life is working so well for you.

Myrna R. said...

You sound so happy Zuzana. I'm happy with you and for you. I too find that going with the flow is often the best way to approach life's challenges.

Donna said...

Wonderfully put, Zuzana. I'm glad things are unfolding in a positive way for you, and I'm happy you're happy!

Hugs,
Donna

LauraX said...

Radiate live, what a perfect way to complete this post Zuzana. I'm so happy that you are feeling contented in your life.

SandyCarlson said...

This is a very beautiful post. I am glad that you are not alone and not lonely, that you are with someone who brings you joy and shares peace with you. That is wonderful. You give me hope. Thank you.

Michael Manning said...

This is wonderful, Zuzana. I'm very happy for you. Savor it all!
:)

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Rajesh said...

Good to know that you are finally completely moved and accepted the reality.

Susan Deborah said...

Zuzana, this post radiates so much positive vibrations that it is infectious. As i always say, I am very glad and happy for you and as you are walking through life's paths, we also walk and learn from what you have to say. We relate with you in some parts and in some we are just observers.

Glad for this post, Zuzana.

Joy always,
Susan

ladyfi said...

What an uplifting post! You radiate life and love.

I also spilled a few tears - as the mother of two adopted kids, I can heartily agree that our kids do not have to be born of our flesh and blood, but of love.

swenglishexpat said...

Stay happy!

Angela Bell said...

I am glad that you are so happy! How lovely that you get on so well with the children.A good stepmother can be a really special friend.My Stepdaughter Emma is a great friend now she is an adult and we get a lot from eachother enjoying the same things etc. This is a bit odd as her father and I divorced many years ago.Familys come in all shapes thank goodness lol Angela

Becky~ said...

Goodmorning Zuzanna!Lovely blog as always my friend.Im filled with joy for you and your new life so to speek.May you have an abundance of new and sweet blessings.I never knew you didnt have any children you will make a beautiful mom.


Blessings for a Happy Thanksgiving.Hugs!

tony said...

You are right Zuzana! If you have to work hard at something:if you feel constant pressure (internal and/or External)to constantly shift-up gears;then something is wrong.Life either comes easy or it doesn't come at all!
Enjoy!+Have A Great Week x

Lord Thomas of Wellington said...

Zuzana,
You're always so positive with your post. I always say "Happiest is a Choice". So happy for you in your new found life! :)

Lynne said...

That is a beautiful, beautiful post. I am very happy for you. I love the references about a jet stream.

Zuzana said...

Finally, my last delayed response to all your lovely words - I so enjoyed reading your opinions about love, relationships and life.

I am embarking on a new adventure and I have no idea where it will take me or how it will end - but ultimately that is what is so fantastic about it.
I might succeed or I might fail, but I am assured that no matter the outcome, I will have a blast.

I have no idea if any of you ever read my responses or not, but I wanted to make sure that you know I always read all your comments.
Even though getting comments is not the reason to why I write, your words is what inspires me, gives me joy and makes me think - so thank you everyone again for taking the time to write them.;)

Xoxo
Zuzana

steviewren said...

It is a joy to read about the love and family you have found!

Deborah Jean at Dandelion House said...

Hello Zuzana,
It's funny how we bloggers can feel so happy for those we have never met and who are so far away. Just goes to show you that we are connected by our experiences no matter where we live. I am just so darned happy for you. I too struggled with men who were too self absorbed in themselves to appreciate what a gem they had in me, but I am also grateful that I never hung my star on them for too long... because my true love did come and I know the rest and comfort you speak of in this post. It is a gift... enjoy and congratulations dear Zuzana!
xo
Deb