February 07, 2011

Never Stop Moving.

It is with amusement that I at times look back upon my youth and scrutinize the way I used to live. Not just the things I did and the way I acted, but also the daily routines that filled my every day - or rather - the lack of those.

Moving into my first own apartment, the sense of freedom I experienced when I was twenty one was very welcomed, but also overwhelming. I was not used to be so completely in charge of my days and recall that initially, I did everything I enjoyed and very little of that I did not.  Such as cleaning the place and a multitude of chores that I found boring or tedious.
My life then was completely devoid of routines, except for those absolutely vital ones. Such as getting up every morning at the same time, waiting for the buss at the same buss stop and going to work and from work at a given hour. The rest was undetermined, unplanned and spontaneous, as I found no need in having a structured week, or even a day. A year comprised an eternity and the future felt exciting and distant and received very little of my contemplation.

I am not exactly certain when it happened, but along the way somewhere, as I aged and matured, routines sneaked up on me. Perhaps it was the realization of the fact, that planning meant getting things done. It meant using the time I had wisely, giving me a certain sense of control over it.
Or perhaps it was when I realized that I yearned to control it and in that same sense to control my life.

The issue of having control became a dominating one when I became a young adult. I have often viewed this as the result of my childhood and the fact, that my parents had the heart of gypsies and the soul of constant travelers. We children were uprooted numerous times, the final relocation being my family's emigration to the west when I was in my early teens. This move at such a sensitive age most certainly affected my formative years, instigating in me a endless search for home and stability that surfaced first later in my adulthood.

As I found myself facing the troubles of life,  my need for control and structure and my need to belong became the only constant in my days.
Today thus I relish in routines and dislike stress. I seek and demand tranquility and crave that of those around me. The few moments of stress that occur are anticipated and controlled by me, or at least controlled by me as much as it is possible.

However, somewhere deep inside I feel a new realization has been taking place as of lately. As much as I love my routines and security, the idea of living the way I do until the end of my days fills me with a endless sense of terror. The idea of having no more surprises come my way is not one I view fondly. It is as if I have began reverting to my younger self, trying to find that spark of infinite joy over the uncertainty in the future ahead of me, even though it has been cut by half since I last time felt this way in the past.

I assume it is in my genes, however much I try to ignore it or fight it. My parents, who are and have always been an endless source of inspiration to me, still keep on moving. They have not settled down yet and I do not think they ever will.
In return they have kept a young mind and soul and warmth of the heart, radiating energy and joy.

If there is anything they have ever taught me it is to never stop moving.
In the abstract sense and the literally one as well.
Perhaps therein lies the secret to the art of staying forever young.

35 comments:

Susan Deborah said...

What a lovely post, dear Zuzana. A reflection on age, time, desires and lifestyles. We inherit so many traits of our parents but give our own colouring to it. Similarly we find that we yearn to go back to our younger days and replay everything that we despised in us. I find this happening with me as well. These days I like the routine as it less stress but at the same time I'd like to pack my bags and be on the move, like you. Well, we all have our own ways to life and savour life. It is all a circle.

Joy always,
Susan

tony said...

I can identify with much you say Zuzana.
We Can Treat Our Life Like A Work
0f Art.We are the Art We create!
Stress comes when we dont feel control.
Well done for never stop moving !

Brian Miller said...

smiles. i agree...i am in the breaking free of routines part of my life right now...refinding spontenaity...

LauraX said...

perfect time to cut your hair then Zuzana (LOL)... There is value in both the safe feeling of routines that work for us and indeed support our life's journey and shaking things up a little, letting go and allowing "surprises" to enter our lives. Of course being surprises, we have no control at all over when or if they will knock on our doors! I promise you, that in truth you cannot control everything as much as you think you can or desire to...you know this, I know you do. But I think you are thinking about carefree risks, small risks of joy and spontaneity here...you do not have to constantly be on the move to find those small graces that can expand your experience. Something very small, like a surprise visit of phone call to a friend you've not connected with in a very long time could be just the thing to bring a little adventurous spirit back into your life...or sampling a new kind of cuisine, waking up your taste buds to new flavors. Sometimes the smallest shifts can make the biggest differences.

gentle steps my friend (ps if you really get the travel bug...come visit me in NH in the summer...our mountains are glorious!!!)

steviewren said...

I love this post because I feel the same way. Change can be scary, but at the same time it brings renewed excitement to life. Even though my job changed, I'm still stuck in the same routines...get up, get to work, get off, go home....there's not much change there.

My resources are small therefor I'm limited on the amount of change I can initiate. Got any suggestions for us?

Ash said...

Beautiful post Zuzana. I really enjoyed reading this - and can relate to it. As someone lived with their parents for 23 years and now in a studio flat in a foreign country, I know what it feels like!

Jill said...

Zuzana this post if VERY insightful. I too CLING to routine and will often resist spontaneity yet, when I jump in and "try" something new or adventurous I OFTEN find it to be exhilarating! Change is HARD...I do NOT know TOO many people that take big changes well.

So, WHAT adventure(s) will you plan? Make a LONG list of adventures and, then, share them will you?
;)
XO

Gaston Studio said...

I've always been one that craved routine, most likely because my parents were also nomads and we moved so often, it was difficult to make and keep friends. As I grow older, I still like my routines but also love to spontaneous when one least expects it, just to break things up a bit!

Claus said...

I, on the other hand, have always been a routine type of person. Ever since my childhood, and I have grown used to it. As a matter of fact, if I don't have my usual things, I feel stressed out, out of place, and not happy. I enjoy it!, and feel and live happy like that, and actually don't mind spending my future days in such a way. I figure: if I feel happy like this, what else do I need?!
I wouldn't mind - and I actually don't - the occasional adventure, (which usually requires money, and since that's tight, they have been very few in my life. Yet, I'm not bitter about that fact, and have found joy in the simple things) but I am at peace knowing that I will eventually go back to "my usual" :o)
just my 2cents :o)
have a lovely day!!

Sukanya said...

Routines makes life easy, at the same time boring too. We have to move on to see what life holds for us. That's a very nice moral that your parents taught you Zuzana. 'Never stop moving' is lovely. Enjoyed reading this post :)

Have a good week Zuzana!!

Cheers,
Sukanya

Betsy said...

Oh, I feel the same way. What a perfectly lovely post. I think you described the changes of life as we age so well. I told my oldest recently to enjoy this time he is in...adult enough to have some independence but not burdened with a lot of responsibilities yet.

Sharon Lovejoy said...

My dear Zuzana,

I've returned to this posting twice. It resonates with me.

I too love to roam, but my home, my garden, my family all tug at my heart to return. Jeff and I did travel for over three months last year and it felt so good to be home (I love nesting). We were settling in and one morning I awoke and said, "Let's pack and go somewhere." He agreed. It is so wonderful to not know what day of the week it is.

Routine has always been anathema to me.

This was a wonderful and thought provoking posting.

Thank you so much,

Sharon Lovejoy Writes from Sunflower House and a Little Green Island

ladyfi said...

Lovely post. When the kids came along, routines are of importance for creating structure and security for them.

But - I long for a freer life too - one of travel and surprises...

Darla said...

Thank you for this stimulating post; we ebb and flow in life, do we not? And I agree that while routines can create a deep sense of safety, they can also become restrictive or create "gilded cage syndrome." Beautiful you! Spread your wings! :-)

Darla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Myrna R. said...

Zuzana, you always seem to touch core issues for me. I too am at a stage wherein I love my stability, serenity and routines. However, at times I interpret these as merely boring and I yearn for the days when I travelled and was free to explore the world and its surprising adventures. Freedom to come and go is my dream. But, for now, that's not possible since I am caretaking my mother and mother-in-law. Still, I dream.

Mimi said...

Zuzana, I so enjoyed reading this. Laughed at your description of your absence of much routine in your earlier adulthood, cos that's how I was too, "come day go day". But my kids shipped me into shape when they arrived!
Now, I still love to travel and see new places, particularly cities- I never tire of them! And I dream of doing lots more travel when I retire, whenever that is!!
Keep moving seems a good motto to me>

Rajesh said...

Beautiful experiences.

A Lady's Life said...

Your parents are cool and as long as they can do it, God bless them.:)
Life is short so enjoy it. I also have an urge to keep moving but kids and family require stability.You find eventually you get bored of travel and that there is no place like home. Economic situations do not help as neither does the political one.
You can't live out of a suitcase forever.But some people have not found their niche to curl up in.They are in search for answers
and until they find them, they will keep on truckin as they say. As for control, when you have a family
that goes out the window too lol
Nice post :)

Donna said...

Beautiful thoughts, Zuzana. I've always loved moving and found that home can be anywhere, anywhere you hang your hat. I feel the need for stability (and must have a nest) but also a nice balance of freedom too.

Hugs,
Donna

artswebshow.com said...

It's very true what you said here.
Routines can slow us down.
Though for some people, like myself routine is a necessity, mess with routine and my whole day falls apart.
lol.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Oh Dear, you aren't thinking of leaving your lovely white house on the hill, are you?

But if you are, I'm sure it will be right for you.

Hugs and ♥'s...
'Cause Valentine Day is coming!

Angela Bell said...

Yes Zuzana,a good post! Times change and often I fear the passing of time.I want to go on learning forever.I wonder what your next adventure will be and mine too lolAngela

adrielleroyale said...

Ah seasons of the soul... Truly there is a season for everything. I was just thinking today that old quote from someone or other "The only thing certain in life, is that life is uncertain". While some things certainly are within our control, there is so many more that are not. At any rate I too longed for control in a season of my life and am on the tail end of that and moving again into spontaneity more and more. My advice? Just roll with it. Let your spirit guide you as I know you already do. :)

Deborah Jean said...

Dear Zuzana,
Perhaps it's just a little cabin fever setting in? What ever the stirrings are let your heart be your guide. I'm still in the nesting phase with a husband, teens, a dog and chickens to boot. The comforts of home are wonderful and offer us the foundation we need to flee the nest from time to time and see what's around the next corner! Great words today.
Love,
Deb

Zuzu said...

Ah yes. I was much the same in my youth. :)
Then everything had to settle down in my late 20s for my job & raising kids. Structure and organization were necessary!
Now I'm heading into my 2nd childhood, and there's a little more wiggle room to live a less structured life.
If you wish for change, you will make it happen!
Have a great day, Zuzana!!!

Baron's Life said...

Very well expressed my dear Zuzana..what you say probably echoes in the hearts and minds of most people. There is certainly a certain sense of freedom in the life of children and teenager which invariably lessens as we grow older and not necessarily better.

Just_because_today said...

It is amazing how the variables in our childhood form who we are or create a sense in us of finding what we were robbed of. I, for instance, look for the childhood friend who I lost to cancer.

As we get older we look for different goals, maybe closer to our roots or far from them, but different to where we have been most of our lives.That, I think, is a nice change of pace

Doreen said...

I think you have hit a cord with all of your readers. we have all felt this from time to time. I am feeling a move in your near future??

Colleen said...

Your parents sound like fascinating and inspiring people. I understand you through this post Zuzana...you write this feeling so beautifully. I know what you mean. I also wonder sometimes where my joyful optimism went...I never used to worry or stress about things and sometimes I miss the carefree teen ager I was. Everything felt so easy, nothing was an obstacle. :) I wonder sometimes if it's because as we mature, life without fail throws ome curve balls our way...things that just shatter us and after that, even though we can pick up and move forward again, we do so a bit more tentatively...more carefully with far less enthusiasm.

I also value peace and tranquility but I have also been thinking lately about ways to recapture that joyful state.

Thinking of you today and wishing you so much joy in your days!

You are a lovely soul Zuzana!

swenglishexpat said...

This was an interesting reflection. I hope you will never reach the day when you ask yourself whether "this was all there was, was this life?" Horrible thought!

Ms.Chief loves wigwams! said...

Dear Zuzana . . Yaaay eventually .. I've crossed the virtual bridge into 'following'!

Beautiful post, and when you want to keep 'moving' & come across countries - come see me & mine upon our hill :)
Abundant Blessings xxx

Zuzana said...

Susan, tony, Brian, Laura, Stevie, Ash, Jill, Jane, Claudia, Sukanya, Betsy, Sharon, ladyfi, Darla (welcome), Myrna, Mimi, Rajesh, Lady, Donna, Richard, Amelia, Angela, adrielle, Deborah, Zuzu, Baron, Myriam, Doreen, Colleen, swenslishexpat and P - thank you all for your input into the theme of routines and the way they do confine us – in a good way and bad way – into our life and make it structured and predictable.
I enjoyed reading your own opinion about how a structured life is necessary on order to create harmony and safety, but that the freedom of not having plans and feeling free can at times give our reality a certain different perspective. To not become “sat in our ways” and to keep an opened mind and let anything happen might be the key.

To those of you who wondered whether I am moving myself, I can add that I have currently no plans to do so, but of course I still have my dreams.:)

Thank you all for your absolutely beautiful and substantial comments that I truly love to read at all times.

Xoxo
Zuzana

SandyCarlson said...

I can relate to this. It seems to me sometimes I am so bogged down by routine that I am cutting a rut in my world rather than living a life. But then big changes come swiftly, and I am swept along into new and different.... Every second counts.

Zuzana said...

Sandy, glad that you could relate to the sentiments in the post above - I agree, ever second counts.;)
Always so happy to see you stopping by.;)
xoxo