June 11, 2012

June Reflections.

June is my favorite month of the year, without a doubt, closely followed by July and May. I am a summer child and those of you who have been following my writing for years know that I and Mr. Summer are involved in a candid, but everlasting love affair.
I love June mostly for its light. Living almost as north as one can in Denmark, I carry out currently almost a daily ritual of stepping outside close to midnight, to feast my eyes on the illuminated night sky.

Climate wise, June and overall the third season in Scandinavia can be defined as a warmer spring, or April times three. Summer often rains away and it feels as if it ends before it even begun, while we still patiently wait for it to start. The days when the temperatures sneak above 20C can often be counted on the fingers of one hand. However, once in a blue moon we do also have exceptional summers that defy the rule and every year we hope that this will be the one.

As I sat bundled up in our garden a week back, enduring strong winds and clouds, risking to catch pneumonia, the occasional sun peaking through and it's warming rays hitting my face felt though like a vital therapy. The air was incredibly fresh. Inhaling it deeply I felt it purified my entire being. It's consistency so clear, so icy cold yet so clean and so saturated by the scent of the North Sea. I was suddenly - and momentarily - in awe of the weather conditions in the land I call home. I found inspiration in the rugged beauty, unpredictability and a life force of this climate, the one that fuels growth, lushness and bloom.

Sensing the weather elements with all my being, my eyes were drawn to an ivory clematis, planted by the previous tenants of the house. My husband is a perfect man in many ways, but he is definitely no gardener and the plant has been neglected for years. This spring the vine received the proper care and thus it grows with uncanny speed, stretching its tentacle like leafstalks ever so higher up the wooden terrace pole. I watched them swaying in the gale force winds and simultaneously could not help but notice that some grabbed onto the wooden pole in an almost human like way. The growing stalks of clematis are extremely delicate - pull slightly and they will break. Yet they can cling onto a surface in the most dexterous and proficient way, appearing tough and rugged, almost like there is mastermind, an intelligent thinking behind this action. It made me contemplate plants as lifeforms and whether they perhaps are much more complex than is assumed.

I have noticed that I mention my husband in almost every post and I assure you that is unintentional. I guess he is always on my mind and that will ultimately show in my writing. Sometimes it dawns on me, that I am indeed married. We got married only a week before he left and thus the event first now settles into my perception as reality - yet the sheer excitement of the fact still sends shivers down my spine.
I love being married.
I miss him terribly, at times every cell in my being longs to hold him... There are moments when I think that I simply can not go on one more second without feeling his touch and I fall into a temporary depression. But then a new day dawns and I get up from the ground, brush myself off and get on with life. I am thankful for this experience, no matter how hard it is at times, as it is reshaping me as a human being, building my character, my stamina and my resilience.

I am glad though that I can sense him everywhere in the house. His things, his clothes, his smiling face in the pictures of us - it all makes me feel as if he is about to return at any moment. And yet, now that a month has passed since his departure, the house is changing. I find this very interesting and utterly fascinating. The children are not here with me either, only the occasional visit here and there, thus this house bears more and more an imprint of me. Most of all its scent. Have you ever noticed how every home has its unique scent. I guess it is a scent that defines its occupants and is initiated by the life that flourishes within its walls. Our house has lost the scent I recall, when I visited it for the first time. It has a scent that is no longer a foreign one to me, but a very familiar and comfortable one. The one of my home.

I saw the film An Education the other day. It was a sweet movie, not making the big impression on me that I have hoped, yet I was entertained. Nevertheless, there was a scene that will stay with me for a long time. The female heroine - Jenny - contemplates;   

"Action is character", our English teacher says. I think it means that if we never did anything, we wouldn't be anybody. 

I think this is my life philosophy summarized in the most eloquent way.
Indeed, our actions are the essence of our life. We might not always do the right thing, but remaining standing still in a safe place makes us into nobody.

In my life I  have surely taken the wrong turns more times that I care to admit. Still, it never deterred me from taking action. Considering all the places I have been to and all the unforgettable experiences and encounters I have created along the way, I can safely conclude that perhaps I will never be anybody special - yet I will never be a nobody.

27 comments:

Myrna R. said...

Well, I think you're a very special somebody. No just anybody can write such an enthralling journal/post entry. I wish I could describe climate the way you do, with such charm and eloquence.

It's nice to know of your experience as a newlywed to an absent husband. That's not easy, yet you make the best of it.

I hope the weather, life, marriage, all stays warm and cozy while you take action on whatever needs arise.

Hilary said...

So nicely put. You sure are a thinker, Z.

And that's one full month behind you, now.

Elisabeth said...

It's wonderful to read about your husband, Zuzana, and your pleasure at being married - after all this time. I had gathered it had happened from your recent comment to me but am glad to have it confirmed here. Marriage can be like summertime all the time with occasional storms and cold patches in between but mostly sunshine.

GrandmaK said...

I'm so glad to read your posts. They are always captivating and the pictures are so very beautiful!! Wishing you well during hubby's absence. Cathy

LadyCat said...

Such interesting insights here. I particulary like the part about scents of home. Ours too, has become neutral to me now. Which means it is the scent that I am accustomed to. But occasionally I still get the hint of a different scent and I enjoy that.
I can relate to your being bundled up to enjoy the outdoors. Some evenings it is so cool that I am wrapped in a big blanket to be able to enjoy our time on the patio. We even build a fire in the fire pit on some chilly nights.
Your ivory clematis are so lovely. I'm sure they appreciate your tender loving care.

Betsy Brock said...

I always enjoy yours posts so much, Zuz. For one thing, you have taught me to notice nature, the sun, moon and even the wind and how it effects our moods and well-being.

I love how the clematis is thriving under your care. Homes just need the female touch...and their smell. ha. :)

SandyCarlson said...

You help me feel grateful for the gift of life. Thank you. (I need this because I often forget.)

Brian Miller said...

remaining standing still in a safe place makes us into nobody....true that...and we roll witht he choices we make at the time and try to make the best we can with what we have...i love that you talk of your husband...your love shines through that...and that is a beautiful thing...


pouring rain here tonight and down in the 60s...yesterday in the 90s and humid...it is summer...smiles.

sprinkles said...

You're right, you'll never be a nobody! I often feel like one though.

Rajesh said...

Beautiful and I sure know your love for Summer. Your shots of the summer always mesmerizes me and looking forward to more..

Elizabeth said...

Yes you are somebody, a very special one. Got to try to find that movie!

MarieHarmony said...

It is always nice to read dear, you write so well I could find myself in your place for a couple of seconds.
One month is already gone, thinking about your husband is very normal, I think about mine every day when he is away too. There is always something that reminds me of him at home.
Stay well sweet Zuzana. xoxo

A Lady's Life said...

You will always be special Zuzana and unique and your husband can look forward to coming back to a very loving heart and place he can call home.
He is a very lucky man. :)

Kath said...

You'll surely be recommencing your honeymoon when your man returns :-D

Radka said...

Ahoj Zuzko, přeji ti hezký den :-).

Rowan said...

I enjoy May and June but I'm definitely a child of Autumn - September and October are my favourite months.

One thing you most certainly are not is 'nobody'. All your posts show that you are someone who is vibrant and really alive. And to your husband you are most certainly somebody special:) A whole month has gone by now and you are that much nearer to the time when he'll be home again.

Angela Bell said...

Ajoz Zusko,I know how to say this as I have a lodger Radek who has been part of our extended family for 6 years now.He is a village boy from LLota Pod Libcany who came here to learn English and stayed. he is my Czech son now!
I love your open and intimate writing. he will soon be back!!

Sumandebray said...

It is so contextual ... try the summer in the Middle East. You can cook directly on a car bonnet if parked directly under the sun.

I truely admire you ability to post regularly over such an extended period of time.And that too each of your posts are so good to read.
Cheers!

Maalai said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dianne said...

only someone special could write this
congrats on POTW

TexWisGirl said...

i came over from hilary's. congrats on your POTW! beautifully written.

ladyfi said...

Ah, so romantic and lovely!

I can't believe the summer solstice is nearly here - seems to have been autumnal weather forever!

Rahul Bhatia said...

Lovely writing Zuzana shining like the midnight June sun :)

Michael Manning said...

When I read "candid and everlasting", I thought something exciting was about to be announced!

I am thrilled at your news of the wedding, dear Zuzana! I hope it's stil safe to sign off with...xoxoxo! :D)

Rosezilla said...

Oh, Zuzana, a million congratulations and good wishes on your marriage! After 33 years with the man of my dreams, I want everyone to have the joy of a good marriage too. I am so sorry he had to go away, but I know you must be proud of him... and you have a joyous reunion to contemplate. Thank you for your beautiful posts.

Mimi said...

Oh but you are somebody very special Zuzana, and I see it in the comments her on a regular basis.
We all love you and your writing.

I think you're an extremely brave lady, to not just endure but to embrace this time, hard and all though it may be.
I feel such a wuss beside you- I don't like the hard times in life, and would try to avoid them if at all possible.

But June is also my favourite month! I just love it, the light, the smells, the fact that school is out! It's great!

SandyCarlson said...

This time of year has its own magic. I admire the way you recall all time in the present. The moods and textures of earlier times comes alive through your words.