March 05, 2012

Monday Reflections.

Looking into the mirror the other day I wondered amusingly who was that old woman staring back at me. Those drooping creases around her mouth, deep crowfeet around her eyes, a lack of luster and suppleness in the cheeks, the grey hair.

I find aging to be a very unsettling process, as it is so very relative and extremely exponential. It sneaks upon us, comes out of nowhere and is unstoppable. Yet the absolute worst thing about this inevitable physical decline must be the fact that it does not at all reflect the age we feel inside.

At times I entertain the idea of fixing it. I am a strong opponent of plastic surgery done solely for cosmetic purpose, yet I too pull the skin on my face back occasionally just for a moment in order to revisit the looks of my past. But eventually I just giggle and realize that I would rather be wrinkled as a dried up raisin, being genuine through and through than be perfectly artificial and superficial. After all, I have found that the very old cliche of beauty lying within is true. Experiences and a life lived reflected in a face in combination with an inner glow radiating happiness makes a human being endlessly attractive.

Indeed, time moves forward whether we like it or not and yet another winter is ending - way too fast. I am now only two months away from an event I dread. By each passing day this inevitable occurrence occupies my thinking more frequently, as I try hard to find positive aspects of the impeding separation from the man I love. They are few to none I am afraid.
Thus I work hard presently on one of my greatest drawbacks - the need for control. Anything beyond my control unsettles and worries me. Being with a man that is a total opposite in this trait makes me realize that if I relax and let events unfold, everything will be fine. Still, old habits die hard.

I watch the spring sun illuminate our windows and see how dusty they are. It makes me smile as I recall the windows of my white house on the hill. Just a year ago I had no idea that twelve months down the road I would no longer live there. At times I miss the unrestricted view of the sky, which instigated a sense of liberation. I also miss some of my possessions. It is an odd feeling having had a large home filled with items that belonged to me only, to have them suddenly gone. Sometimes I wonder when/if I will ever see them again - and when I do, will that make me happy?

For someone who has lived on her own more than half of her life, I find it very easy to share a home with a new family. I have adapted and have gotten accustomed to this house, which is so very different from my former home. When all the children are here with us, it is way too small and too crowded. Still, during those times it exuberates life and love, something that I can no longer - nor will no longer - be without. Despite the fact that I once had almost thirteen hundred square feet for myself,  I am today perfectly happy and content when I can escape for just a few minutes to my favourite spot in the kitchen. Here I can sit undisturbed with my laptop at the table, watching the birch tree branches sway in the wind outside the window against pink sunrises, while I listen to the sound and laughter of my loved ones in close proximity.

Yes, this house is certainly too small and too old. With almost half a century on its back, it is outdated and old fashioned.
Nevertheless, I smile as I realize it is just like me.
Similar in age, it is no longer supple and young. But it is original and endlessly beautiful because it has seen and felt life that is preserved between its walls. It has a soul that has been fueled by the presence of its occupants. Somewhere deep within I sense that right now it is making memories that will last a life time.
And so am I.

28 comments:

Rahul Bhatia said...

Zuzana, the physical age is just a number, important though, yet it is how you feel at heart that matters! May the smile and glow radiate for all times to come as you have such positive thoughts:)

Colleen said...

Beautiful post beautiful Zuzana. There is a quote I love:

One can take no credit for beauty at 16, but if one is still beautiful at 60, it is the souls' own doing.

Wishing you a lovely spring day my friend.

Elizabeth said...

Great post Sweety. In one way I totally hear but in another I feel still so young with so much energy. I still want to do sooo many things and experience life to the deepest extend that I don't have time to become an old woman.

Yes, I hear you laughing already!!!!

Take care of yourself and you will be allright and otherwise you are always welcome to knock on my door.

Kath said...

lovely Zuzana, with a soul as beautiful as yours, you need not fear the ageing process x

Brian Miller said...

smiles...i think there is def beauty in the aging...and at each age...i am fairly certain you have little to worry about in the beauty department...

how long will you be seperated from your love?

MarieHarmony said...

Age does not show on the face, age is in the heart. With such kindness and love within you you will never grow old.
Separation is hard I know a bit about it but the lessons I learnt from my husband being away for 4 months are invaluable. The time is not there yet so try as much as possible to not think about it much.
Take care Dear and enjoy the first lights of Spring!

Becky~ said...

Goodmorning Zuzana!I had to laugh at this post,lol.I do that often as well.I look at it this way.I dont have crowsfeet OPA lol.But I do have laugh lines,down the sides of my mouth.So Im thinking people will think you and I laughed alot thus we are the happiest people around LOL.That sounds good right ha.

Blessings! Have a nice new week my friend.

ladyfi said...

A beautiful post! I feel just like you do about ageing... the outside hides the true age (youth) we feel inside!

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Oh Zuzana you put into words what I think as well. I look in the mirror and marvel that I am THIS age...an age that as a child I thought QUITE OLD! Yet, I feel energized and youthful! (most days!) You are lovely and age with much grace!
AND wisdom friend!

Lilybets said...

Hi Zuzana,you were a beautiful young girl and now you are a fascinating beutiful lady,your beauty will note go away,but will be make more rich by the life and experience.Your spirit is so sensitive and deep that will be always young.

Myrna R. said...

Susan, what a beautiful post. I'm so happy you acknowledge all the fluctuations of life, ageing, and love.

My husband and I were separated by the military a year after we were married. It was hard being apart. So I can relate to your worries.

Thanks for sharing so much. I smiled when you noticed the dusty windows. You're cute.

Love to you Zuzana, how lucky this new family is to have you.

Zuzu said...

WONDERFUL post, Zuzana! I hope your week is full of joy!
Hugs,
Zuzu

Betsy said...

You are a beauty inside and out, Zuz..I think it will only get better with age!

Mimi said...

"Experiences and a life lived reflected in a face in combination with an inner glow radiating happiness makes a human being endlessly attractive"
I agree 100% Zuzana! You put it so beautifully.
I don't really mind wrinkles, and I have few of them, but what I dislike are the puckers at my jaw (recent! and much, much worse when I'm tired), so I've found a natural way to deal with them in Eva Fraser's Book of facial exercises.
I think too that inner peace and happiness shines through, and a smile takes years off us too.
I liked this post a lot.

A Lady's Life said...

Oh I agree lol but I think if you ever decide to do a face lift it should be when you think it will really show a difference. People see a small wrinkle and run to operate and then 10 years go by and you see more than a wrinkle.
So go when the wrinkles make it worth your while to make a difference.
As for old houses I too love them I am also the kind who wants to add sunrooms every where and they become my favorite room without changing much of the original house. They can run through the whole length of the house and give you lots of space to bring your own things from storage.A nice franklin stove to keep things warm is all you need for the whole winter.

SandyCarlson said...

You speak for me here, for sure! I feel my age creeping up, but I have to count it a blessing.

I think I would like to age with the grace of Sophia Loren!

Susan Deborah said...

Quite poignant reflections here and almost all of us go through these thoughts at different times. I liked the analogy of the house and an old house always reflects the time it carries within itself. Maybe you are growing older but you have within you places, people, ideas, loves, experience and many many lifetimes. Cherish them, Zuzana. They will always remain within you. You are a treasure house of stories.

Have a lovely remainder of teh week, Zuzana.

Joy always,
Susan

KathyB. said...

Absolutely wonderful post, life changes and often so much quicker than we can ever consider. Yet, life is wonderful, and often the changes are simply the move from one stage to another...we should take joy in this, I see you have !

Rajesh said...

Aging is unstoppable process. Yes, what is important is inner self. But very few people see it.

Ruby said...

Its a beautiful post Zuzana. I do wish we never age :( - hard to accept when our mind is still a child. Cheers, Ruby.

Hilary said...

Lovely post, Z. Aging doesn't mean it's over for us. It just means we're beginning a new stage. The same with separation. It will lead to being reunited. Don't fret. It's temporary. Hugs to you. :)

Ash said...

I know it sounds horribly cliched but honestly, age is just a number! You are gorgeous and will be, at any age because of your splendidly beautiful soul.

Have a nice day, gorgeous Zuz!!

Julie Hibbard said...

BRILLIANT! I actually just downloaded some photos to use with a VERY similar blog post! We are, so often, on the same wave length! You are stupendous!! :)

Rowan said...

You are as old as you think you are:) If you still think you are young then you are - a few lines just give character to your face. You can't roll back time so you may as well enjoy the advantages that getting older brings - and it DOES bring some believe it or not.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I do appreciate the wisdom I think age has brought me, but yes, I do miss the face and body of my youth. If I could afford it, a little nip and tuck would be ok with me as long as it wasn't too drastic!
V

sprinkles said...

I used to look really young and whenever I'd go out, I'd always have to show my ID. I miss those days! Now I apparently look really ancient and almost never have to show it.

It doesn't help that I go to school with a lot of kids who aren't even old enough to drink yet. That REALLY makes me feel old!

Dan said...

Hi Zuzana
I so know the feeling! We were talking about this in the office last week, and doing the slight 'pull' of the face, and taking off the last ten years. I suppose it does at least mean that you have 'lived' though. I always think when I see people who have had plastic surgery (including those that say they haven't) that they don't look 'real'.
How lovely that you have both the joy and comfort of a family home and still some space to retreat to when you need it. I would imagine you would need that sometimes.
Dan
-x-

adrielleroyale said...

How true - age rarely reflects correctly on the outside, but thank God that inner beauty outshines the rest! :) That is one thing we CAN control and even get back if it once was lost. :)